HAVING HEART: A CANTONESE FOOD THING

There are several eateries in Chinatown that I shall not name, even though I enjoy everything that they do. The reason being that I live in San Francisco, where there are more vicious foodsnobs than anywhere else on the planet; savage, unforgiving, sneering, and superficial know-it-alls with little decency and overweening senses of superiority and entitlement.

The places I like may be too humble for this city.

I've read Yelp; it's a frikking zoo.

Meanspirited.


I am proud to admit that I like small dumpy places which do a damned fine job on simple comfort food, wipe the tables a little less often when they're swamped, eat their own cooking, and offer a more than decent value for five dollars or less.
They take far less pride in their menu than they should.
And cater to an audience which values them.


None of San Francisco's vast herd of foodies would write glowingly about steamed pork patty, which is sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered.
A simple home-style dish, unconsciously beloved. The people who know about it won't order it when they're entertaining guests, honored relatives, or out-of-town visitors. And I seriously doubt Mandarin-speakers or techno-yuppies would even touch it.

Flattened lump of ground meat. Ja choi, haahm yü, or haahm daan on top.
Some shredded ginger. Steamed for ten minutes. No sense of presentation, just plonked onto the table with an extra plate placed underneath so you don't blister your fingers on the hot hot porcelain.
You break it apart with your chopsticks.
Heavenly with hot sauce.

Okay, that last bit is my own preference. I tend toward a fair amount of hot sauce, but most Cantonese will eschew chilies.


Equally unprepossessing is steamed slickened chicken: jing gwat kai. Chicken cut up, rubbed with cornstarch and a little rice wine, steamed till done. You may add softened black mushrooms, a piece of lahp cheung and some ginger, or even diverse flavourful dried ingredients to the steaming plate for extra excitement. Very home style, very good.
Very unsnobbish.

Yes, I suppose you could make it presentable to the culinary whores; some cilantro, a tomato rosette, and an exquisite selection of baby vegetables artfully carved, on a rectangular stoneware platter.
Served in a dining room with a hip colour scheme, ethnic funk in the background, and tablecloths.

If you did that, the yelping classes would wax utterly poetic.
High quality adjectives would be brought into play.
Someone would recall rafting the Ganges.
And state that is was "so real".
Authoritatively.


乜都好食！

Frankly, I much prefer places where I can go dressed all rumpily, greet the aunties who work there, and be asked "ney oi matyeh, ah-suh?" Lunch counters where one demands to know "matyeh dak bit ge?", "go hai san-sin ge ma?", "yau mou fu-gwa?", "geung si lei gei yiuk?"
The type of place that tells you "nei ji-gei jam, hah" when you also order a cup of coffee from the canteen-style machine, in which there is a beverage of industrial origin.

Yiu di lou fo tong?


Obviously, if I named those restaurants, and praised their food effusively, some of the people who see my blog would wonder if I had lost it. Why, there's nothing worthwhile there, it's just a grotty Chinatown dump! The food is below mediocre, especially compared to what we had on a starlit night in Soochow, after visiting the museum! Those chairs are SO ugly!
You know, real Chinese food is far better.
It's an ancient art form.
So meaningful.
Not this.


COLLOQUIPENDUM

Steamed pork patty: 蒸肉餅 jing yiuk beng. Ja choi: 榨菜 spicy pressed mustard stem pickle. Haahm yü: 咸魚 salt fish. Haahm daan: 鹹蛋 salt egg. Shredded ginger: 姜絲 geung si; mispronounced, this sounds the same as 're-animated corpse' (殭屍). Hot sauce: 辣醬 laat jeung. Chilies: 辣椒 laat jiu. Steamed slickened chicken: 蒸滑雞 jing gwat kai. Cornstarch: 玉米淀粉 yuk mai din fan. Rice wine: 米酒 mai jau. Black mushrooms: 冬菇 dong gu. Lahp cheung: 臘腸 dried pork sausage. Ginger: 薑、姜 geung. Home style food: 家鄉菜 gaa heung choi.

Dining room with a hip colour scheme, ethnic funk in the background, and tablecloths: 鬼勢利嘅臭裝飾 gwai sai lei ge chau jong sik.

Ney oi matyeh? 你爱乜嘢？ what would you like? Mat ye dak bit ge? 乜嘢特别嘅？ what is special (today)? Go hai san sin ge maa? 嗰係新鮮嘅嘛？ is that fresh? Yau mou fu gwa? 有冇苦瓜？ got any bitter melon? Geung si lei gei yiuk: 姜絲裡肌肉 marinated pork loin frazzled with shredded ginger and rice wine, very delicious! Nei ji gei jam, hah? 你自己斟，吓？ pour it yourself, okay? Yiu di lou fo tong? 要啲老火湯？ ya wanna bowl of soup (with your meal)?


["Your darn right I want some soup!"]
Nei yau sam.



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