DEALING WITH THE HEATHENS

My roommate and erstwhile significant other, Savage Kitten, tends to define her worth by how much she contributes. Consequently she is involved with a number of non-profits and their regularly scheduled events as a volunteer.
Not being particularly sociable (the proper description in her case is ‘murderously inclined’), she derives satisfaction from the work done, not from the enforced company of other people.
She likes humans as an abstract concept, she just isn’t enamoured of them in the concrete.

A while back she participated in a food-donation related charitable event. To her intense displeasure, it turned out to be a multi-denominational thing, involving not only her least unfavourite Christian sect (“the frozen chosen”), but also some dipwad cottonwool and butterflies everything goes branch of Nazarene mishegos.

And a visiting sectarian priest who insisted that everyone join hands and pray. Everyone. No exceptions.
Lots of feel-good Jesus crap, plus bushwa about positivity, impactfulness, spirituality, children, ancestors, and angelic forces.

She came back that afternoon spitting mad. And told me about it in great and furious detail.

I sympathized.

She now realizes she should have told the collared knave that as a heathen she does not wish to take part in his heretic rituals, the idolatrous practices of the glow-in-the-dark “natives” make her barf, avodah zara and all that, and the only so-called ‘deity’ she’ll respect is her direct ancestor the Chinese god of war, loyalties, traders, cops, gamblers, and prostitutes. As well as taxmen and accountants. No exceptions.

That might not be such a bad idea........., but it could be even better to tell him that the participation of an unbeliever makes his whole ridiculously inclusive withcraftery little more than a farce.
Invalidates every one’s prayerful mumbling. Renders it all batel. Puts a curse on the proceedings. Bad juju. Boo.
It might scare the bugger into shutting his sacred trap.


Her ranting reminded me of a lovely passage that I just had to look up.
And once uplooked, I needs must share it.


DALEM KWEITAN BUKIT

Mana len na daon kunit? Wara lang kata, len dari Tamadambo ka utara, djang daon kunit ite. Tathapi ti dapet; siapa lite Si Hong Pande Tjawong ri batang itui? Si Ngaya Ngupawa, Bang Karbao Bule Puna, ti taralite djuga. Ki tao na Dambo-Radja, neang gumaro nente Djangla’ak, ngaong-ngaong sehi gaeng-ura sa duwa tapi na len sahadja. Djuris sametek kayo nila-bugao, tan kuwang pesti tamo Entjik Kanda-Gilap, atawa angin tjuok. Oro sarao dene – yiki mabanye, mamanuwa kangtitek; banta wae na sunge-daga libate tja.
Translation: "Where is the road to immortal realms? Some say the trail from Tamadambo to the North is indeed that road. But this is not possible; who has seen the guide to the supernatural realms there? The Protectress, and (her spirit animal the) Dun Waterbufallo, neither are noted on that path either. The people of the Forest-King, arrogant against the settled populations, bellow from both sides of the path only. The distant line of trees is blue and golden, and you will certainly encounter Lord Glittering Lumps, or the ferocious seasonal winds. There is no other way – the tribals are many, civilized persons perilously few; it is better to batter the river of blood."

Paraphrasis: 'Those who postulate a heavenly reward or supernatural benefits tend not to know what the heck they’re talking about. Their enchanted lands probably don’t exist, and are impossible to attain. However thieves and conmen are plentiful if you join their cults, and if you chase fantasies you’ll probably come a cropper. Just act like a rational human and you’ll be more than special. The real world is hard enough to deal with without pursuing pipe-dreams.'


GLOSSARY

Kweitan bukit: montane areas where fields are cleared by slash-and-burn method, hence the hinterlands and the unstable areas; dalem kweitan bukit – in the undefined realms.
Len na daon kunit: the road of yellow leaves; the mysterious path into the supernatural dimensions, where Si Hong Pande Tjawong guides the traveller.
Tamadambo: the area of over-arching forest. Either inland from the coast in the steep valleys, OR where the mangroves shade the tidal swamps. The civilized lands.
Si Hong Pande Tjawong: The master smith who built the natural world. Si: prefix to person names. Hong: masculine spirit, term of address for male supernaturals. Pande: smith – in many South-East Asian cultures, the smith is halfway twixt magician and priest. Tjawong: stone, rock depression; non-living thing.
Si Ngaya Ngupawa: The flirting maiden who protects the traveler. Ngaya: Fairy maiden, demigoddess; term of address for female supernaturals.
Bang Karbao Bule: Brother Albino Buffalo. Bang: brother. Bule: Albino. Dun-coloured ('karbao bule' is also a sneering term for Dutchmen). Bang Karbao Bule is the companion of Si Ngaya Ngupaya.
Dambo-Radja: Forest-King; tribal paramount chief of antiquity among the barbarians. Tao na Dambo-Radja: the People of the Forest-King; thugs and criminals along the roads, robbers, thieves.
Djangla’ak: those areas (and populations) before the jungle, the settled lands. La’ak: within the net, up from the weir, landwards from the reef, before the forest edge, inside the boundaries; pacified, protected.
Ngaong-ngaong: the bellowing of cattle, the howling of wild beast.
Gaeng-ura: ‘crimson-gullet’; howler monkeys and unreconstructed savages.
Djuris: where distant mountains meet the sky.
Nila-bugao: blue and gold; the smoky hue of distant forests, the far glimmer of light reflected in the shimmering heat. “Djuris sametek kayo nila-bugao” – the distances are vast and it is a long way away from human settlement.
Entjik Kanda-Gilap: Lord Glittering Lumps, another name for the Red Crow (Entjik Wawak-Ura), a warlord spirit of the savage tribes. Entjik: lord, chevalier, gentleman. Kanda: lump, section, portion. Gilap: glitter, glimmer, flash of light. Crows are attracted to glittery things, hence the term ‘petiyak wawak’ (crow-box) for tzedaka containers and collection bowls – spare change is infinitely appealing.
Angin-tjuok: typhoon winds. Angin: wind. Tjuok: windblast, gale force, storm howl; to vomit. Sarao: route. Yiki: sneering term for savages and uncivilized tribes. Mamanuwa: those having human (civilized) characteristics, from Sanscrit-derived ‘manuwa’ – human.
Sunge-daga: blood-river. Not, as might be supposed, a real stream anywhere, but the course of human existence and the forces of society, imagined as a treacherous torrent that can swamp the unwary.


Basically, the passage above is one long supercilious sneer at religious types and other luftmenshen.

Well, that’s enough about foreign superstitions for the day. Tune in tomorrow for more gibbering.



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