GRANT PATEL, BEYOND ALL BOUNDS

Frequent commenter Grant Patel seems to have gone all loopy. The results, from the point of view of this blogger, speak for themselves, and disclose utter volumes.

The vast majority of my far too few commenters are utterly sane, and very real individuals. Not so the perverse Patel. Who seems, with each passing day, to be in ever fiercer competition with himself for most eccentric statement.

Mr. Patel has bugs up his donkey about several things.


But mostly, it seems, the following four:
CHEESE
PANTIES
PAKISTANIS
SNOOKY WONG
[The last subject mentioned is rumoured to be a petite Chinese-American female. She also comments here, so please, no stalking. It would upset both this blogger, and Mr. Patel, as well as infuriate the subject herself - you really do not want a small Cantonese woman angry at you (trust me on this).]


Mister Grant Patel (Esq. & Perv.) inhabits a unique universe.
I flatter myself that this blog encourages him to occasionally come down to earth, though not, alas, establish a firmer bond with reality.


Grant Patel on the subject of CHEESE:
* "Beautifully hued, like a saffron orange. The precise colour of silk on blonde skin. Yummy and sweet, my precious, yummy and sweet."
* "Do either cheese or teatime snackypoos offend the bollocky Muslims? They can stuff a kipper in it, and pound it sideways, is what they can do."
* "If the Jews desire feta, they should by all means have it."
* "Ooooo, stinky stinky!"

Grant Patel on the subject of PANTIES:
* "I needs must retire to fondle my collection of fine laundered panties for solace. So very buggery sad."
* "I, of course, think panties better. So soft. So smooth. So tight. Definition adding, and flattering to any form."
* "But I wear a starched dhoti."
* "ATBOTH's only obsession is probably panties in size 'teenager'."

Grant Patel on the subject of PAKISTANIS:
* "The Brits are becoming all Paki in their sensitivities. It is a shame. What is this world coming to?"
* "Buggery bollocky Pakis, finally halfassedly admitted that they planned the Mumbai massacre. Can't trust those sodding bainchotes."
* "And their camels! Meh, I say, meh! My emotions are numb. Time for a beating party. With cream pies. Oh indeed."
* "Lying like a sawar is second nature to the Pakiwakkis."

Grant Patel on the subject of SNOOKY WONG:
* "Who is this Telmacky daddy-o? Some kind of stalker? A fetishist? A tulmud-whacker? A very hungry teenager who lusts after the presumably hot young bod of the fabulous miss Wong? Girlie, you have a fan! Congratulations! Do we need to advise you on your legal rights vis-à-vis restraining orders? [skip to next comment] Give me a call. Let me speak to you of legal issues. Contracts, and prenupts. Your rights, privileges, and pleasures. Exchange cell-phone numbers, take my card. Lets do lunch."
* "First a gibber-rant about a teenage girlie without panties, then a long diskvisition about tobacco without panties."
* "To me it sounds as of the notorious panty thief ATBOTH needs a span in the military himself. It might do him some good, and keep him from harassing little Chinese girly bloggers."
* "I say take that evil minks off your blogroll. You devote FAR TOO MUCH time to the huggable Cantonese bints. It is a shandah!"


Perhaps the most telling communication from Mr. Patel is the statement he made at the end of January: "I am by no means off my meds. Who told you that?!?!"

Lets just say it was an educated guess. But if you insist the contrary, we shall just have to take your word for it, mister Patel.
Thank you in any case for sharing your marvelous thoughts with us. We are honoured.



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