EVIL MONKEY!

Over five years ago I brought a monkey home. No, not a wild-beast monkey. He is not an actual protein and bone animal. But he is a very real monkey none the less.

He is missing a leg.

I do not know how he lost the leg. He was in the product-development lab for over a year, palling around with Elmo the dancing street-alcoholic (who carried a gag glass of bourbon in his hands, and had a cigarette in his mouth), and occasionally pan-handled on the shelf with deconstructed Barbie dolls (sluts!) for spare change. He never said much.
Elmo would sometimes dance, or obey the prompting of a boot and fly across the room.

The head of the marketing department "borrowed" the monkey for a Halloween pumpkin-carving project. He reappeared with a gashed neck, dripping ketchup, in the jaws of an orange ghoul. For a few days the carved pumpkins were at the front desk. They moved to the kitchen by mid-week, and ended up in the garbage Friday afternoon.
Which is where I found the monkey.

Monkeys do NOT belong in landfill.

I took the one-legged monkey home. He soon acquired a name (U-rasmus), and started developing..... personality. A lot of personality.
He cannot remember the leg incident, but sometimes has nightmares about pumpkins (the gash was stitched up, and has healed just fine, thank you).

Urasmus likes to play 'Fay Wray' with the little she-sheep (she hates it). He wishes to squish the sheep's boy friend - a handpuppet spider - because he dislikes bugs. He has discovered the saw and threatens Little George and the Ham-STAR.
The monkey disrespects the froad, disses the kitten, and fights with the sock-goat.
He demands to go the all-banana restaurant, and tries to steal my wallet. My bowl of laundry money is relatively safe, as unlike other monkeys, he cannot climb very well (not because of the missing limb - probably ADD). He is an all-round thoroughly disreputable chap, and often has to spend time in the corner. He fears Ms. Bruin, who is the head-roomie, and he trembles when she gives him that stern look of disapproval.


I mention all of this in connection with an article that Savage Kitten sent me from our local newspaper. See here: Urasmus!!!


Quote: "A security guard spotted the monkey near ticket gates in Shibuya Station........ around 30 policemen surrounded the area and attempted to snare it with a variety of nets, as commuters crowded around and snapped pictures with their cell phones.
The standoff ended when the monkey climbed down and dashed out of the station, with several policeman and local TV crews in tow. News reports said the monkey was last seen heading in the direction of nearby Yoyogi Park."


There are two photos in that article. I cannot tell whether the monkey in question has four limbs or just three. If it is four, I wonder where he got the prosthetic.

Turns out the little devil is much cleverer than I thought. I guess I'll have to put my wallet in a secret place every night from now on.