GOOD HEAVENS THAT WAS FAST

Nigeria barely had an election, and already decisions are being made there that will have earth-shattering reverberations.

Oh yes.

I received the letter below from a correspondent in Ghana, who is either a very promising future literateur, or has some dysfunctional relatives.

Or both. I'm holding out for both.

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From: "Junior William"
Subject: GREENTINGS, FROM WILLIAM JUNIOR.
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2007 13:54:23 +0200

Dear, Sir/Madam.

My name is promise junior Williams. I am the first and the only son of Late barrister. Eze William. My father was shot dead on Monday morning 16th april on his way back from the electoral house, after the primary election in my country nigeria .

His client won the election, on their way back home his client oppositions hired some bad guys against him as they where driving home the bad guys attack them and my father and some of his client boys get shot and some died instantly, although my father did not die instantly, but he letter died. But before his last breath in his private hospital he called me on his bed side and told me to contact his secretary for the documents of the sum of Us$18.000.000.[eighteen million dollars] Which he deposited in a private security company in London for safe keeping with my name as the next-of-kin.

Presently I am in Ghana the nearest country to Nigeria because my uncle has planed to kill me so that he can take all my fathers property. My life is in danger. But I have finally left every thing for him, because I have to get this fund out immediately.

According to my father instruction, he told me to search for an America, British or an European person to help me claim the fund as his business partner before the security company, considering my age.

Please I need you to reply me and I will give you more information about how you will claim this fund. Meanwhile I get your contact trough google when I was searching for a sincere person to entrust this project with. Your telephone is required incase you want to hear my voice. Please do not hesitate to help me. I will appreciate your urgent reply to enable me give you more direction. Thanks.

Urs truly Junior Williams.

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Now, as you have probably guessed, I am indeed an America, British or an European person.

Unfortunately, what with my busy schedule robbing little old ladies and conning well-meaning Christians out of their childrens' college funds (that super-mega-multi-church WILL be built soon, I promise!), I barely have time to engage in my favourite pursuit (clubbing fluffy little kittens for fun AND profit), so I have no time to take Mr. Junior Williams up on his very kind offer.

But maybe YOU can contact him.
At the very least, send him some "greentings", and console him about his father (deceased) and his uncle (murderous).

Be sure to sign it Sir/Madam, so that he knows it comes from a friend.

It would be the very least somebody could do.