At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

PRU URVU

On his wedding night, the eminent Victorian writer, watercolourist, and critic John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) saw the nude female body for the first time.

It was traumatic.

It seems that he was appalled to discover that his wife had, oh horrors, hair in a private place!

The marriage was never consummated, and was annulled six years later.

Like many Victorian upper class gentlemen, he was somewhat innocent.


I suspect that, deep in the bowels of New York, there are many yeshiva-bocherim who are somewhat similar, and can certainly sympathize with Mr. Ruskin. Their Chassaneh will be an eye-opener, to say the least, but most of them will probably bite the bullet and plow manfully into the breach, suppressing their bafflement with good cheer and intelligence, intent upon prooing the oorvew, so to speak.

But a few, a minute fraction of the total, may be traumatized beyond repair by the event, and even years and years of therapy will not get them over the experience.

Unlike the rest of us, they did not dwell deliciously over the lascivious and naughty bits of Torah and Nach, nor did they become fascinated by such matters as nidah, zivah, zavah, and a wealth of other interesting terms. Their years in Yeshiva were a constant struggle to keep from being whacked by a sadist with a wooden ruler, or chewed out by some old schijtlijster with bad teeth and a sanctimonious attitude as large as Long Island.

Alas, they never even saw the juicy bits that we gloated over, and never found out just how earthy Chazal can be. Why, there are some parts of meseches Sotah that I still reread with considerable enthusiasm, and also that part in Kiddushin where......

But enough about me.


IF YOU THINK SEX IS NASTY, HERE IS A BLOG FOR YOU:
http://absolutecelibacy.blogspot.com/


The Blogger, who goes by the name 'Absolute Celibacy', has a bug up his chamor about sex, and advocates, based on quotes from the Rambam (Rabbi Moses Ben Maimon, 1135 – 1204), that one abstain from all sexual activity of any kind, with either gender.

[I don't think he mentioned animals yet. But he may in a future posting.]


'RAMBAMATIC' PROCREATION

One would suggest that Mr. Absolute Celibacy carefully reread as much Rambamatic material as he can, because even the Rambam did not abstain, and many of his commentaries suggest either a more than passing familiarity with sex, or an endoresement of same if done properly (Levirate marriage, for instance, which the Rambam explains as being compulsory - it serves no other purpose than procreation on behalf of a deceased brother, that his name should not die).

Neither have many of the Talmudic scholars through the ages abstained from sex. Some of them have in fact enthusiastically not-abstained -- it is fascinating to read the genealogies of many of the famous rabbinic families, seeing who is related to whom, and which chochemerd married which posseik's daughter, and how many children they had (and guess what they had to do for that to happen, Mr. AbsoCelibate!).

Who says Talmudic scholars aren't zesty?

The term 'droog-kloot' in no way applies.

The Shir Ha Shirim on qelaf makes me.....


SEX IN TANACH

Even further back, the sex-lives of biblical persons are sometimes given with far too much detail in Nach, and even in the Torah there seems, at times, to be an obsession, if not with sexuality, then certainly with procreation (and Rashi tells us more about Rivkah in that regard than we needed to know – not even gonna mention what Sarah Immaeinu was rumoured to have been doing).

The imperative to procreate is a constant throughout the holy books, and people will do some pretty strange things to obey that imperative.
Lot's daughters, for instance.


400 VIRGINS

Or then there’s my favourite story in the entire Tanach, the tale of the Levite, his pillegesh, and the man from the tribe of Benjamin, as detailed in Judges (Mishpatim), chapter 19, psook 1 through chapter 21 psook 25. Which ends on a mass-procreative note of monumental proportions.


In short: A Levite and his concubine were staying at a house in Gibeah in the land of the tribe of Benjamin. Middle of the night, the neighborhood hoodlums come banging on the door, demanding that the Levite come out and let them do all kindsa nasty to him. The man whose house it is suggests that instead they take his own young virgin daughter and the Levite's concubine, and do with them whatever they want. While they're all arguing over who gets to do what unto whom, the Levite pushes his concubine out into the street, slams the door, and goes up to bed.

Next morning, the concubine returns near death, and collapses on the doorstep. The Levite throws her over the back of his donkey and takes off. When he gets home, she's dead; he then cuts up her corpse, and sends a part to each of the tribes. This is pretty much the nastiest thing the recipients have ever seen, but the Levite explains it as a complaint about how the men of Benjamin insulted him (no mention that he shoved the girl out to protect his own achter-end!). Next thing you know, everybody agrees that that was horrible, yep, sho'nuff, lets demand that them Benjies hand over the miscreants, or if they don't, lets kick them muthas!

Horrible war ensues. When it’s all over, only 600 men of Benjamin are left alive, and all together there are about a hundred thousand cadavers all over the place.

Now the rest of the tribes are feeling a wee bit embarrassed... The tribe of Benjamin is nearly extinct.
And everybody has sworn to not ever give any of their women in marriage to this bunch of degenerates, but Benjamin is part of the nation, so what to do now? Can't let them die out...

Well, at that point, some idiot gets the bright idea to attack Jabesh-Gilead, kill all the men and put-near everybody else except for 400 virgins, which they then hand over to the Benjaminites for breeding purposes.

After which, pru urvu.

Labels:

5 Comments:

  • At 5:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are a sex fiend.

     
  • At 9:14 PM, Blogger Lab Rab said…

    Hi,

    That fellow seems really interesting ... I wonder whether he isn't another blogger assuming an identity, like anti-GH and those other clowns.

    That said, I'm finding your responses really entertaining ...

     
  • At 8:47 AM, Anonymous celibacy supporter said…

    Why can you not look at this serious problem seriously? And see what the tora really says.

     
  • At 9:45 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Why can you not look at this serious problem seriously? And see what the tora really says.

    Because if the Tora really told us to remain celibate, it would negate its own relevance.

    Indeed, the Tora evinces quite some distaste for matters of the flesh, but it is also a record of sex - several generations of procreation, often enthusiastically and against all odds.

    From seventy souls who went down to Mitzrayim to 600 thousand adult men, and their families who came up out of Egypt; altogether, at a conservative estimate, 3 million people (or, if estimating ultra-orthodoxilly, more like six or seven million - somewhat larger families, don't you know). I'm guessing that some sex happened.

    --- --- --- --- ---

    At times I suspect that the problem lies within Absocelibate himself; either that he has been disappointed in love, or has had bad experiences with shidduchus.

    Or maybe he's just barking mad.

     
  • At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Speculating about sex in Tora is perverted and has no place in our religoin. I wish you would not do so, and take this post down. You would be doing all us a favor.

    Shalom

     

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