HENRY DARGER; MAN, MYTH, COCKTAIL

As you may have realized if you've read much of my blathering, I will occasionally write or say stuff just to prompt a Kermit The Frog-esque facial scrunch in the members of my audience.

You know, you've seen it before. That quizzical and slightly frustrated 'wassegiemenou' expression.

Yesterday, for instance, I casually mentioned French Cut Panties. Since then, dog-man Richard cannot get them out of his mind. And his features have shown pain. Maybe even angst. Poor man.

Based on my superior knowledge and years of experience, I clarified matters for him.

"Bikini briefs have a low waistband, in contrast to granny panties. French cuts have high leg openings canted forward, and high cuts have deep leg openings more in-tune with a natural design and a waistband slightly on the high side."

"Boy shorts, also called 'tap panties', and 'boy cut panties' are a low-cut style that covers most of the bottom and hips. They resemble boxers slightly, and are both flattering (to some women), and modest, as they do not show the typical pantie line."

I actually don't have years of experience; I just know how to effectively use the internet as a research tool. You do not need to know why I looked up this data.

Richard is a married man, and several years older than myself. It is likely that it has been decades since he gave panties some thought.

Being unmarried, I still have that luxury.


Two ounces Bourbon, a Maraschino cherry, and a dash of grenadine. Icecubes, highball glass. Squirt of ginger ale. Two or three drops of bitters optional.


Today I mentioned the Henry Darger Cocktail to a gentleman who was acquiring a cigar. I also told him the backstory -- Henry Darger was a loner and an eccentric who every day added several pages to a science-fiction novel he was writing, and illustrating, about two pre-adolescent heroines leading a naked slave rebellion in outer space; when he died, it was still unfinished, but over fifteen thousand pages long; to excite the mind of one my readers years ago I fantasized about an off-license where young ladies could smoke a cigar in peace while doing their homework and enjoying a cocktail; several froofy drinks were described, including one of my own devising, named after Henry Darger; all can be served with an umbrella and a Hello Kitty swizzle stick -- and I mentioned that it is a refreshing beverage even if you don't have little cocktail umbrellas and Hello Kitty swizzle sticks handy, whether you are a young lady secretely indulging or not.

He briefly had that Kermit The Frog expression.

Then the novel charm of the idea hit him.

It cured him of his angst.


Pour two ounces of Bourbon over ice in a highball glass. Add a dash of Grenadine and a cherry, then fill it up with ginger ale.

It's very refreshing.


Please note that clicking on links under posts (such as the one you will find below: Henry Darger) will bring up everything in that category on this blog. Reading some of those previous posts might lead you to suspect that I am a rancid old pervert.

Which is incorrect.

I just like seeing you look like Kermit The Frog.


Would you like a drink?



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NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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THIS HURTS

You know of course why it's called a "stream of consciousness", don't you?
'Cause it's like a sewer.
Truer words, dude, truer words.

Dildo Bob was in fine form. Gibberant.  Tried telling me that Asians had never been discriminated against.  Unlike blacks (perhaps) and gays (oh definitely).  This because the sexual preference tee-shirt of the Vietnamese American bartender seemed to his mind to indicate a dislike of Caucasians.
He felt insulted - Viet Am ero-pride by a straight gentleman, what is this world coming to?

I tried explaining that a 'Caucasian' was, as everyone knows, Kahlua, Vodka, and cream. 
No dice.

I had forced Vu to make me Henry Dargers all evening, and consequently was not in prime condition myself.
Double shot Bourbon. Dash Grenadine, drops Angostura, over ice. Finish with ginger ale and a cherry.
Strong enough for a pervert, mild enough for a little lady.

When I explained the backstory behind the drink, Dildo Bob didn't get it at all. Threatened to write a fifteen thousand page novel about his own life. Oh lord.

There's a reason he's called "Dildo Bob".

He's a big pain in the sphincter.

Avoid Karaoke bars.


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NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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CATERING TO PERVERTS

For some reason the name Henry Darger came up more than once recently in conversation. Henry Darger, as the attentive reader remembers, was the obsessive genius to whom e-kvetcher once compared me.

Literature mavens everywhere were dismayed, depressed even, when that stellar composer in the field of prose passed from the scene.
We need to name a literary prize after him.

Anyway, while providing background detail on the aforementioned wordsmith, reference was made to a cocktail that I had invented:


THE HENRY DARGER

2 oz Bourbon.
Heavy dash Grenadine.
Three drops Angostura.
Over ice in a highball glass, top with ginger ale.
Add a cherry, a bendy straw, and an umbrella.

Suitable for coming out events, funerals, baby showers, and Quinceañeras, as well as both bar and bat mitzvoth.
Especially if you have Hello Kitty highball glasses.

Note: Can also be made with Scotch. I suggest Dalmore.


I make mention of this, because apparently some complete degenerate out there is marketing pipe tobacco that is flavoured with Grenadine.
How horrible, and how European!
I cannot imagine anything more depraved.
This must be stopped.


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NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS, NOW MUCH MORE ZESTY!

One of my friends read Friday's post about high school girls and slutty behaviour (HERE) and was creeped out. Totally! Creeped!! Out!!!

She thinks it's quite my most perverted post yet, and worries about my sanity.
Can I be trusted around children? Probably not.


Well... Dos iz super uber affen geil. Doch. Meeeeeeenshh!!


Even though the point of the post was that behaving like a well-brought-up young lady could lead to being treated like a well-brought-up young lady - in other words, like an adult, or like someone worthy of respect and consideration - apparently my focus on HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS was disturbing.


YOU TOO

So, for all of you college grads, illiterate drunks, and senescent old trailer park reptiles, if you lot ALSO act like well-brought-up young ladies, there is a very good chance that you too will be treated as such.
No questions asked.
Not by me.


CHOICE BEVERAGES FOR YOUNG PERSONS

In the meantime, here are several recipes for froofy drinks at the illegal drinking hole I intend to open across the street from Lowell High School, in order to attract the ever-so-cute brainiacs who study there.
Winsome bespectacled academic damsels!
Charming and so stimulating. Oooooh!
Short, sweet, with sparkling eyes.
They NEED cocktails!

Come here, little miss, would you like a drinkie?


1.
PINK PERFECTION
3 oz gin.
2 oz Apricot Brandy.
2 oz lemon juice.
Two large dashes of grenadine.
Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

2.
RUBY BLAZE
1 oz Vodka.
1 oz Cherry Brandy.
1 oz Noilly Pratt.
Small dash lime juice.
Small dash orange juice.
3 drops Angostura.
Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.
Add sliced lime and orange on the rim.

3.
GREEN EYES
3 oz Vodka.
2 oz Blue Curacao.
4 oz Orange juice.
1 oz Lime cordial.
Put rocks in a pint glass. Pour in, in order given.
Garnish with an orange slice.

4.
BLUE FIZZ
1 oz Blue Curacao.
Pour into a champagne flute, top up with iced champagne.

5.
APRICOT SOUR
2 oz Apricot Brandy.
1 oz Lime juice.
Half oz Orange juice.
Half oz simple syrup.
Shake with ice, strain into a cocktail glass.
Add a cherry and a lemon peel.

6.
COPPER CAMEL1 oz Bailey's Irish cream.
1 oz butterscotch schnapps.
Put ice in a lowball glass ('Old Fashioned Glass'), then pour in Baileys and schnapps in order given.

7.
THE HENRY DARGER
2 oz Bourbon.
Heavy dash grenadine.
Three drops Angostura.
Over ice in a highball glass. Top with ginger ale.
Add a cherry, a bendy straw, and an umbrella.

8.
FLUFFY DOGOne ounce Cointreau orange liqueur.
One ounce Bailey's Irish cream.
Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

9.
RUM FLUFF
Two ounces rum.
Two ounces orange juice.
One ounce crème de cassis.
Dash of grenadine.
Shake over ice and strain into a lowball glass. Garnish with a slice of lemon.

10.
MARBLE CAKE SHOT
1 oz each: vodka, crème de vanilla and crème de cacao.
Shake over ice and pour. Garnish with chocolate shavings.

11.
PINK LADY
1 oz shot gin.
Half oz grenadine.
2 oz cream.
Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.
Garnish with a cherry.

12.
GRASSHOPPER
1 oz green crème de menthe.
1 oz crème de cacao (clear preferred).
1 oz heavy cream.
Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

13.
WHITE COTTON PANTIES
1 oz butterscotch schnapps.
1 oz vanilla vodka.
Shake over ice, pour into a cocktail glass, and garnish with a cherry.

All long drinks will be served with Sanrio swizzle sticks.



THE HAPPY KITTENS LOUNGE

A clean well lighted place for doing your algebra and trigonometry homework.
Comfy chairs and divans for reclining. Big pillows.
Soft classical music.

No boys allowed.

Just knock on the door, and tell them 'Bad Batz Maru' sent you.
Welcome.
There's a heated smoking patio, with heavy glass ashtrays, and a selection of cigarillos.
The spacious powder room has lavender soap, complimentary lotions, and perfume samples.
Chewing gum and strong coffee available at the bar, for when you need to go home.
Refresh yourself.

HENRY DARGER I AM NOT: NEW TAG, PLEATED SKIRTS, AND A COCKTAIL RECIPE

My readers often point things out to me, about myself, that I did not know before. Or did not fully realize. This is always better than having a complete stranger ask "are you nuts?"
And way better than having a bartender say "are you SURE you want another one - that's the fifteenth Grasshopper you've ordered".

[Grasshopper Cocktail: One shot Crème de Menthe, one shot clear Crème de Cacao, one shot half&half. Shake well over ice and pour into a large cocktail glass. If you're really perverse, add a cherry.]


So I appreciate it. Part of having a blog is self-discovery.

[Kinda like discovering a secret perverse fascination with unspeakable drinks. See grasshoppers mentioned above.]


Part of blogging is similar to hearing the next day that one puked all over the bar.

[See grasshoppers mentioned above.]


Fortunately the puking bit, like being caught in a compromising situation with several schoolgirls, has not happened yet. This is largely due to avoiding drinks like grasshoppers.

[I fondly imagine that schoolgirls just LOOOOOOVE froofy drinks with crème de menthe or crème de Cacao. Anything sweet. A watering hole that wanted to attract schoolgirls would serve grasshoppers, with Hello Kitty swizzle sticks. If I ever open a bar near Lowell Highschool, that is exactly what I'll do. ]



"YOU ARE BECOMING THE NEXT HENRY DARGER"

All of this is prolegomatic to a quote.

E-kvetcher wrote: "Dude, you are well on your way to becoming the next Henry Darger."
This was after I had cited a letter from Treppenwitz to one of his obsessed readers, forewording and afterwording it with stuff about dildoes, schoolgirls, teenage lesbians, schoolgirls, Japanese phallus festivals, schoolgirls, Thai penis-shaped luck totems, schoolgirls, and similar decorative elements. Sort of a festive and appealing dimsum banquet approach to using someone else's brilliance, in other words. Treppenwitz's superior cooking, with my parsley on the side of the platter.

[E-kvetcher's blog: http://search-for-emes.blogspot.com/ Treppenwitz's blog: http://bogieworks.blogs.com/treppenwitz/ The questionable post itself: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/05/all-about-fellow-blogger-and-cute.html .
Bear in mind that there is nothing on either e-kvetcher or Treppenwitz's blogs about teenage lesbians - they probably do not think about such things. Deliberately. I can understand that - teenage lesbians can be very distracting.]


Henry Darger was the genius who wrote "The Story of the Vivian Girls, in What is known as the Realms of the Unreal, of the Glandeco-Angelinnian War Storm, Caused by the Child Slave Rebellion". A magnum opus of over fifteen thousand pages, with hundreds of illustrations, about pubescent heroines making daring escapes, fighting fiercely, being tortured, along with supernatural elements, general cruelty, and decadent spookiness.

Fifteen thousand pages, plus. About pubescent girls.

He may have been obsessed.

So I'm not entirely sure what e-kvetcher meant - teenage schoolgirls only occur occasionally in my writings. I am by no means obsessed. Not by a long shot. I am fourteen thousand pages short of an obsession.

[I should mention that we can divide the category 'teenage schoolgirls' into TWO main categories of interest: 'Little Catholic Schoolgirls', and 'Japanese Schoolgirls'. The division is according to garment - little Catholic schoolgirls wear white shirts, cardigans, and plaid skirts, whereas Japanese schoolgirls wear a sailor suit top and plain blue skirts. The skirts, in both cases, are pleated (this is very important). Socks are white. Thighs are pleasingly peachy.]


It's not an obsession. Food and pipe-tobacco are obsessions, medicated foot-powder perhaps also.
Uniformed schoolgirls and their healthy habits, and delightful lack of sartorial choices, aren't.


But e-kvetcher noticed a theme. So for his and your benefit, I have created a new tag: SCHOOLGIRLS. It occurs beneath this post, and has been appended to all posts in which schoolgirls (of either type) appear. Click on it, and read the posts. Especially the very first one ('Enough Char-siu noodle soup for two people' - posted October 26, 2007). You will kindly note that the hero of that post is actually a fresh-faced and weak-kneed bochur. Not a schoolgirl.