ZERBLAT

Now that the Republicans on Fox have shivered their wee timbers over the Pope, and excoriated him for being a poor-people coddling liberal (totally unlike Jesus!) who doesn't know or understand scripture and the importance that the good book has in law, philosophy, the sciences, or the righteous management of modern society, perhaps it is finally time for us to admit that as far as religion is concerned, we are a spent force.

We have nothing to add, because Fox knows it all.

Nothing says 'Christ' quite like they do.

And the righteous Ted Cruz.

Sweet Jesus.


GRELZAKIAN WISDOM

Or the good people and sanctity in places like Kentucky and Tennessee, which are so close to being heaven that we should just all move there.
To say nothing of Texas and Bobby Jindal's Louisiana.


Being instinctively a rather disagreeable sort, who without thinking will take issue with the given truth, I naturally have a different opinion.


I will offer that instead we should all admire Zerblat.

Whose gentle inner wisdom brings peace.


Just look at those big innocent eyes.


And that distinguished profile.


He isn't Ted Cruz.




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GRELZAKIAN TOADCULT: COMING SOON

"We are few in numbers, but trust me, we are planning all the time. A day will come when you will bow to our meshune beleifsystem, puny human!"
This, as you would expect, was a message from a believer in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Who is manifestly damned and going to hell (a place where Wasps cook pasta!) for his heretical perversions.


Because, as every rational person instinctively knows, the only true faith is the Grelzakian Toadcult.


His prophet Zerblat was sent here for our salvation.

I am a missionary in this sacred task.

Of spreading truth.


Believe!



ROASTED BLERFNIKS!!!


Have a happy Thanksblornik, babies.




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GRELZAKIAN TOAD CULT

For several years, whenever some religious dingbat demanded to know what creed I confessed, I would assert that I was a member of the Grelzakian Toad Cult. It usually threw them for a loop.
Had I said Jewish, I would’ve been firmly requested to either stop killing Christ, or find Jezus as my personal friend dammit blasted heathen burn in hell. Or something.

[Besides, I never converted. So I can't really claim that cloak.]

If I admitted that the number of free-range Calvinists in the family woodpile precluded any other deviant Christic sects as a matter of clan pride, and darnwell guaranteed theological dissent in every generation – especially against all other versions of the magic zombie shtuss - I would’ve sowed more angry confusion among my listeners than Bill O’Reilly and Sarah Palin combined.

[Many not of the rigid Dutch faith cannot understand the pickiness inherent therein - most English-speaking protestants are simple people incapable of grasping nuance. It's sad.]

Verbally embracing skepticism as a rock of faith to which to cleave, with a tendency toward Talmud-Torah, and a habit of sneering unpleasantly at the entire New Testament as the moronic gibbering of Mediterranean maniacs and dress-wearing men – plus Documentary Hypothesis, the Book of J, and Jacob Neusner – no, that didn’t seem called for.
People who demand to know a person’s religion usually simply want to attack something close to the breast.

A simple answer that confuses them and shuts them up is required.


GRELZAKIAN TOAD CULT!

Oddly, this puts me on the same page as a huge number of Scandinavians and Baltic types. As well as some Japanese people, and a human duck.
All of whom take Bayonne, New Jersey, as their Vatican.
Which is believed to be the home of ultimate Grace.

[Mister Bud Grace, that is. The supremely wise and talented artist who draws the comic strip Ernie, called ‘Piranha Club’ since 1998.]

The Grelzakian Toad Cult is the religion that Zerblat the frog-alien practices. We know this from the episode when he married the beautiful human female who subsequently gave birth to hundreds of frog-human polliwogs. Apparently frog-aliens are fantabulous lovers. We don't know the details of their amplexus with other species (such as humans), but we can pretty well imagine it (because we have dirty minds).

Data about the Grelzakian Toad Cult, especially as it exists among Terran adherents, is also unknown.
It involves amphibians.
Like with all cults, there is secrecy.
Bite the frog.


THE OMNISCIENT BUD GRACE

You'll have to ask Bud Grace if you want more information.
We don't know, only Bud knows.

To help you hunt him down, here's a recent picture.

Please note: his skin is distinctly green.

Feel free to blame mr. Grace for ANY Grelzakian plots to take over the world.
About which we know nothing.

Ribbit.




[No blerfniks were harmed in the writting of this post.]


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ANGST!

Actually, not angst. There is NO angst, more like a lack thereof. A dearth or void of anything remotely 'angstig'. A baffling lack of angstigkeit entirely.
A disappointing insufficiency of angst.

You see, on a mailinglist that I thoughtlessly joined awhile back, it has been revealed that I am not Jewish.
This infuriated at least one individual - a kahanist and Eretz-Yisroel hashleimanik. Two weeks ago that person said "must I allow my ideals be bulldozed by his twisted sense of justice just because he's a gentile who comes out to rallies?".

[Given that you never come to rallies......, maybe yes?]



BRUTAL BULLDOZING LEFT AND RIGHT

Golly, Batman, I had NO idea that common sense and reason were bulldozing your ideals.
What, pray tell, are those ideals?

"American values do not apply to Jews and Israel.
I honestly don't see the difference between someone on 'our' side demanding "justice" for Israel's Arab citizens and our opponents who essentially demand the same."

Well, there IS a fundamental difference, namely that the Arab citizen of Israel who obeys the law should be treated the same as any other citizen, the Jew who doesn't should be prosecuted as any other citizen.
Equal treatment, equal justice, and equal rights (very fundamental Jewish concepts, nota bene) - once you throw these out of the window, my dear Batman, you lose all claim to a moral high ground. American values do indeed apply to Jews and Israel - we aren't Europe, nor is Israel the Arab world.

Our opponents are demanding the destruction of Israel, more or less - what they chose to call it is immaterial, and mere propaganda in any case.
It certainly isn't 'justice'.

It would appear, however, that the fundamental flaw in my ability to see things from Batman's perspective is that I was "well taught in criticizing Torah from a Christian perspective".

Mmmmmmmm...............

I've been called everything from a baby-killing Jew-nazi to a kike racist and christkiller AND a rabid rightwing Christian fundamentalist.
My side has been characterized as everything from dictatorial rightwingers all the way through Stalinist leftwingers.
We are also violent Zionists, according to members of the other side.

All this in addition to being 'neurotic, dysfunctional, and delusional'.


"Well taught in criticizing Torah from a Christian perspective"

Now I'm a Christian Torah-critic. In addition to all that other good stuff.

Gosh darn it, folks, I'm wearing so many hats that my neck is crooked.
The only possible conclusion I can jump to is that I am an extremely talented and multi-facetted individual, just about filled with surprises. I'm so warm inside I could just kvell! No wonder I am entirely 'angst-free'!
As are we all.

Keep watching this site for more surprising revelations.

RIPPING THE FAMILY GOY

This past Sunday I did not watch the Family Guy on television. But apparently I should have.
One of the characters discovered that she was Jewish.

I just love it when people discover that they're Jewish. It's nearly as amusing as when they discover that they are Native Americans or Gypsies. Interesting eccentricities and quirks surface that reflect some long repressed facet of their never before realized identity.

I myself shall at some point discover that I am a repatriated Zulu or Grelzakian Toad Cult high priest, and will insist that you respect that.
Now excuse me while I run around widdershins screaming something unintelligible - it's part of who I am.
The beads represent my ethnic pride.

But anyhow.



THE FAMILY GOY
[Watch it here:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/99895/family-guy-family-goy#s-p1-so-i0 ]

Horribly repulsive episode. Seth MacFarlane and crew have surpassed all previous standards of insult and stereotyping.

Family Guy usually is the most offensive show on the tube, featuring unrealistic depictions of every group on the planet except the Irish.

I wonder why they never parody the Irish.....

If I were Irish, I'd be planning to bomb them right now. I have seldom seen such a Hibernophobic show. Appalling, despite its accuracy.
Yes, the dog usually is the most intelligent member of the family, but did you HAVE to make him so supercilious?

Brutal realism isn't funny, guys.


On the other hand, Meg Griffin is the smokingest hot hot hot shiksa on the tube. G-d Meg is hot! I mean, that girl is smoking! Woohoo. Yowza. A total babe.
Why doesn't she have her own fan site?
Internet porn got nothing on her.

GRELZAKIAN TOAD CULT

Years ago, the comic strip Ernie featured an alien, named Zerblatt, who looked like a cross between a frog and a monkey.

[For an example of Ernie, see here: http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/piranha/aboutMaina.php . For the Wikipedia description of the series, see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piranha_Club ]

Zerblatt dated a human woman, and married her according to the rites of the ‘Grelzakian Toad Cult’.


Since then, whenever someone asks me what religion or creed I call my own, I often answer by telling them ‘Grelzakian Toad Cult’.

This has several advantages. It shuts them up. They cannot dispute the foundational myths of the ‘Grelzakian Toad Cult’. They cannot question its beliefs. Heck, they can’t even comprehend the answer, most of the time.
And whatever they say, I get to call them a cursed heathen and threaten death by stork.


We should all be members of the Grelzakian Toad Cult.


And we should spawn a hundredfold.



Note: The strip was renamed Piranha club several years ago.
For some reason it is incredibly popular in Scandinavia and the Baltic nations.
Which means you can also read about it in Vikipeedia:
http://et.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piraaja_Klubi .
Groovy.

Quote:
"Piraaja Klubi" (esialgne nimetus "Ernie") on Bud Grace'i koomiksisari, mis hakkas ilmuma aastal 1988. Aastal 1993 pälvis koomiksisari National Cartoonist Society auhinna. Need koomiksid on eriti populaarsed Norras ja Rootsis, kus mitu ajakirja avaldab neid algse nime "Ernie" all. "Piraaja Klubi" koomiksid on populaarsed ka Eesti ajalehtedes: Postimehes, Eesti Päevalehes ja SL Õhtulehes."

Please note that the entry acknowledges that the esialgne nimetus was 'Ernie', and that Bud Grace i koomiksisari. This is important.


Here is what Vikipeedia says about Zerblatt:
" Tulnukad on oletatavad või väljamõeldud mõistusega olendid, kes on pärit kosmosest (või ka näiteks "teisest dimensioonist") ning kellega inimestel on olnud, on praegu või on tulevikus otsene kontakt. Laiemas mõttes võidakse tulnukate all ka kosmilise või muu taolise võõrpäritoluga mõistusega olendeid, kellel inimestega kokkupuudet ei ole ega saa olema. Tulnukad ei ole üleloomulikud olendid. Neil on füüsiline keha. Sellegipoolest võivad neil olla paranormaalsed võimed. Tulnukate olemasolu ei ole tõestatud, kuid teadus ei välista seda. Ulmekirjanduses ja mujal populaarkultuuris on tulnukate motiiv väga levinud."

Well, that pretty much says it all, doesn't it?
Estonia, you too are loved.
Nothing I can add.

Blerfnik.