RATIONAL SLEEPER CELLS

Sometimes I like to ponce around looking like I know what everything is all about. Nothing says that better than smoking a pipe filled with a fine Virginia tobacco by Charles Rattray. Which doesn't actually exist anymore. That is to say, Rattray's farmed out manufacture of their products to McConnell ages ago, the entire McConnell portfolio of tobaccos ended up with Kohlhase & Kopp (founded by Michael Kohlhase in 1976, Berndt Kopp joined in 1979) in Germany (1989 or thereabouts, when McConnell closed), who have it made for them in Denmark by a different company.

[Note: Charles Rattray founded his tobacco Company in 1911. Upon his death in 1964 his son Charles Rattray took over. That gentleman retired in 1980, passed away in 1984. His daughters inherited the whole shebang.
Unfortunately I haven't a clue what happened to them or further descendants.]

Happiness and expertise all around, and I look supremely knowledgeable.
Which shows that desirable results can indeed be achieved.
A modicum of effort, almost no pretence.


Our present government can't even manage that. The justifications for the war against Iran change by the hour, and are shot down by the facts so often that it's kaleidoscopic. We have no end game, no actual plans beyond the moment, and despite the fascination of watching a sewage flinging fest in real time with stained and bedraggled officials and spokes-trolls, it has sofar failed to distract the United States and the world from the Epstein situation.

Marvelously, I look more like I know what everyting is all about than ever before.
As does every other rational person on the planet.
Especially non-officials

In the last two days everything the right-wing dingbats in the back room at work said about the war has been proven off the mark, several times, in different ways, quite staggeringly. One of them even proposed parachuting the pretender to the Pahlavi throne with a CIA escort and a film crew in to the Alborz Mountains. Which I think is a splendid idea.
He'll be welcomed with open arms, it will make for great reality teevee.

Some of it will have to be bleeped, of course.
Because of the little children.


Most of the Iranian exiles in the United States should also be dropped in. Parachutes will be provided. At cost. This will solve several problems and clear the air nicely.


The fine sandblasted pipe above really does look like an expert who knows what it's all about should be smoking it on a news show. How sad it is that none of the teevee talking heads or current United States government spokes models smoke a pipe!



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DRINK MORE COFFEE!

Seeing as when I'm at work I deal with a lot of old men, I have become very conscious of urination. For John's "benefit" about three months ago I started loudly ranting about narrow urethras, enlarged prostates, and bladder issues which you really must see a professional about dear man, about twenty minutes before I will firmly throw him the hell out and lock the door. Jeff gets to hear precisely how many minutes he took in there. Once or twice it has taken him up to ten minutes. On the plus side, unlike John, he doesn't wait until just before the end of the day.

The other gentlemen take variable times, but they often wish to go at the same time. I do not want to let them use the employees bathroom when theirs is occupied, because they're very much like tourists in that regard: messy. Many American men, while adeptly demonstrating that they think with that appendage, are not very good at using it.
Apparently they can't hit anything smaller than an elephant.

Plus the older they get, the more petulant as well as casual they become.
Apathetic urgency, and whiny emotion. Kvetchy. And sloppy.

Which is where coffee comes in. Boys, drink more coffee. Yes it will make you even more unbearable than you already are, but coffee is a diuretic, see, and the more encouragement it needs, either vocal or chemical, to make you go is a blessing.

I'm tired of being held hostage by your pissing.

If you drink a cup of strong coffee you will need to micturate within two hours. I know it works, because I have two cups in the morning before I get ready to work. With regularity!

Heck, boys, one cup before I go out to smoke my pipe, and I can barely wait to use the bog when I get back.

Tea, not so much. It's not nearly as effective.

Have some coffee instead of whiskey after lunch. It will be better for your mind, and better for your bladder. Probably better for your social life too. You won't be nearly so obnoxious.



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RABBIT RABBIT MARCH 2026

Rabbit rabbit. Supposed to be the first thing you say on the first day of the month. But I was preoccupied and mentally still in the last month. Twenty ninth day of, tomorrow would be the thirtieth. So belated rabbit rabbit. Rabbity rabbits.

The month has started off interestingly. I got to listen to the boys in the backroom talking about their drug experience with each other, which is probably a very Marin County thing. Dang y'all a bunch of crazed hippie freaks.

Despite the fact that y'all older than Jayzis.


Still, that's better than hearing how y'all wholeheartedly support the senile orange blowtoad. With every shred of your miserable stinking beings. Because he's hot and sexy in his dark blue suit.

Disgusting. Perverts.

What I also got to hear was that Jello salads are repulsive, quite nauseating, really. In detail. While I was eating my lunch.

You know, lunch?

Boys, I'm chowing down on pizza with lots of Sriracha, no we don't have any ranch dressing in the fridge none of us here are sicko pervs, so I don't need to know about your potlucks and church suppers in some Midwestern hellhole, okay? This is California. We have food here.

And I'll tolerate your drinking a bit too much. You're all old and decrepit. But the moment you start toking or snorting I'm calling both your families and the cops. We'll just see who is here first to pick you up. Because y'all have too little gourd to tolerate you getting stoned out of it.


Rabbit rabbit.



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FOLLOW THE BRAINS

Sometimes it's not a question of "follow the money" as simply putting the Lego blocks together until you can't help stumbling over them when you go to the kitchen in the middle of the night for a glass of water. Which is, more or less, a metaphor, please understand. No kid, no Legos, and for some of us a glass of water at three in the morning is not, strictly speaking, a good idea. Even though there is always a light on, on the small table in a corner of the hallway, so we can actually find our way to the bathroom to micturate later without stumbling into things and waking the neighbors with our cussing.

One way of looking at it is that Trump and his boys got played by Netanyahu. American goombas working for a foreign gangster. We all know who actually has the brains.
Hint: it ain't that bunch of reality teevee actors in Washington.

[Point of debate: do they actually have one brain among the lot of them? Or do they all simply think with their testicles? Maybe men are too emotional for important roles.]

I guess the main lesson here is that Khameini never should have called Netanyahu's momma ugly. Bad things were bound to happen after that.


Repeat: She ain't ugly. Don't you ever say that.

Another lesson is that the Europeans shouldn't ever rely on the United States for anything security-related, because Israel is really our only ally, as well as our biggest success, thank you fundamentalist Christian nutballs in the interior and Baptist end-of-times apocalyptic crazies, and we're unpredictable and often out of our tiny little minds. Too likely to stumble around drunkenly by the icemachine at four in the morning yelling for room service to come get those giant hairy bats out of our room and why is the carpet trying to strangle us?
Giant lizards! Never should have combined adenochrome with acid.


What was it Trump said several times about war with Iran? Oh yeah, that when the poll numbers fell and the hounds were closing in, Barack Obama would start a war with Iran. Stephen Miller said that if we voted for Kamala we'd end up in a war with Iran.
I guess a war with Iran was inevitable, huh?

Benny Netanyahu has been in power for so many years.
Since before our stupid adventure in Iraq.
Don't worry about the Americans.
He'll deal with them.


This is what happens when you elect a man too stupid to think his way out of a paper bag. And he appoints a bunch of flattering egomaniac dunderheads to his cabinet.
You end up with a bag of flaming dog poo.
That's also a metaphor.



Maybe it's time now for another Trump dance.
Rythmic air punches and hip wiggles.
The crowd will love it.



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