ONE AND A HALF HOURS EACH

To show support for ICE agents who can't pee in gas stations, the government is sending a known sofa abuser to Minneapolis. Now, no matter what you might think of ICE, they don't deserve this. Many of them have sofas at home, or intend to purchase one with their signing bonuses -- they've heard so much about them and think a sofa would be a splendid addition to their single person family -- and they have to babysit a limp-wristed Nazi midget who can't even throw a green gas grenade without the contents blowing back on them, and perhaps a furniture maltreating cretin should be the last of their worries. And I agree.
Except for one thing.

I myself do not own a sofa, and consequently couldn't care less. About any looming danger to sofas. Kitchen cabinets would be a different matter. As would rattan chairs. One of which is where I sit when I'm on the computer reading about sofa abuse at the highest levels.

If our elected officials and their obsequious enablers spent more time abusing sofas (or easy chairs, random throw pillows, and lawn furniture) that would be a good thing. Especially during the snow storm set to hit large parts of this country within hours. Which will be monumental. Ted Cruz has already gone to Cancun, so it promises to be a doozy.

Therefore I respectfully ask that ALL members of Trump's regime go hump furniture out on the lawn while it's snowing, for the good of the country. And think about Jesus.
Jesus would want them to do that. During a blizzard. Hallelujah.

It would be far more productive than anything they've done up till now, AND it would show solidarity with all their red state voters who have sofas, as well as the trailer park residents who will eventually buy one, if meth sales perk up, which they might now that the fentanyl crisis has been dealt with. Fentanyl, by the way, competes directly with home grown all American substances. Which is why.

As a nod to whisky makers all over the red states, I should point out that Bourbon aids in breaking the ice when negotiating with a sofa. It acts as a lubricant in a way. Good stuff.

Personally I don't have Bourbon either, much like the sofa I don't own.
See, it won't fit in the trailer with all fifteen of us.
We take turns sharing the bed.



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