FOND THOUGHTS ABOUT BURNS NIGHT

Last night was Burn's Night, which is an opportunity for people to celebrate bad poetry, get drunk, and clog-dance for Jesus while wearing no underpants underneath scratchy woolen skirts. For men a particular problem, because their delicate parts are not used to hard fibres irritating the flesh, unless they're religious penitents with a hair shirt thing going on. Which simply illustrates that many North Americans of European descent are a bit goofy. I mean, if you want to punish the flesh, why don't you simply eat standard white folks food? No flavour, no spices, and a vast array of repulsive textures ..... Oh wait, that explains both lutefisk and haggis. Plus Detroit pizza, but that stands no chance of ever becoming widespread.

Lutefisk and haggis, on the other hand ..... As good an excuse to get blotto as any.
You might want to make it last, because there will be left-overs.

As a Dutch American, I am certainly open to culinary practical jokes, because our entire cuisine is basically founded upon that. Or has names which indicate that the person in the kitchen was high as a kite or stark raving mad. Rather like the English with some of their dishes. In mediaeval times it lightened the burden of dried fish, salt pork jerky, fermented cabbage, and coarse ground groat porridge. But please understand that since then we got our hands on things like nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves, ginger, pepper, and above all sambal, and we've never been the same.

Whereas Scotland and Iowa doubled up on severe culinary horror.

A better argument for there being Wisdom In The East is that China, India, and Japan have no version of haggis. Perhaps Tibet does -- apparently they thrive on boiled tealeaves and rancid butter poured into a goat hair bag (shag in the inside) shaken until frothy there -- but the vindaloo version of haggis was invented by Scots-Irish in Manchester, the healthy matcha or apple cider vinegar and tofu version hails from Berkeley, and the unbelievably popular vegan haggis are all white folks inventions. Typical.


Perhaps haggis needs to be aged. Like cigars, wine, and cheese. It's a Scottish answer to casu marzu. If you need to take a day off for your digestion to get back in order, we'll understand. We'll plan an intervention while you're gone.

I have not touched haggis in years.
Deservedly.



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