WHAT ARE THESE LOONIES DOING HERE?

According to the woman who complimented me for a lovely pipe (a K&P army mount Prince of Wales, shape 401, smooth, older semi two tone finish) one must avoid fluoride because it causes diseases and attacks the glands, particularly the pineal gland. One should only drink distilled water. What I learned from this is that strange white women are likely to be crazy. Yes of course she was white.

Also something about vaccines. Darned missionary hippie.

Earlier, before lunch, I had spent an hour in a local business having something attended to. During that entire time a Cantonese gentleman with poofty hair ranted non-stop about Iran, the western powers, the American military, and the stock market. No one could get a word in edgewise, or wanted to. The proprietor and a female customer had a repetitive discussion about times and dates.

Cantonese old men can be remarkably like white women.


For true stability, common sense, and a complete absence of all batshit qualities, you need a middle-aged Dutch American bachelor. And lord only knows where to find such a person.

Trust me. They're rare. It's hard.

At the chachanteng where I went for lunch one person dining by himself was listening to Catholic church music, the early mediaeval version of rock's greatest hits, slow, ponderous, awe-inspiring. Another nearby person was having an argument with an invisible entity. An old man sitting one table away looked hunted, as if to say "what are these loonies doing here?". The real loony was outside, though: someone who took off running at high speed while talking to no one about green awning-like things and lamp-posts.

I think I've finally reached the stage where I swear in Dutch under my breath about tourists, large people, tattooed people, artistically dressed people or people with dyed hair. Plus the nut cases and eccentrics. Not loud enough to hear, though. I do not want folks to think "there's a crazy old man talking to himself". Even though I am.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

WHO IS ON THE LIST?

"It's not possible for us to take care of daycare, Medicaid, Medicare, all these individual things."




Guillotines. Guillotines. Guillotines.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

THE SHAREHOLDERS ARE HAPPY

No, I didn't watch Donald Trump's speech last night. There were better things to do. An itchy spot. Pimple. Bladder. Nails. Oh look, blinky thing! But I read about it afterward. Apparently the teleprompter told him that we have met all of our objectives, it will be over soon, and we need to rob social, educational, and medical programs to pay for it. Future generations, plus billionaires, CEOs, lobbyists, and preachers will thank us for it.

Provided the rest of the world stands up and fixes what we broke. Those ungrateful bastards.


Also, per Paula White, who is bonkers, like so many rightwing Christians, Trump is exactly like Jesus. The suffering, the heartache, the humanity!
Damn, Christians are stupid.


Let's just support the war by gutting all social and educational programs in the red states. Those blinkered hicks don't need nuttin', okay? At least until we've figured out which vampire billionaires, CEOs, lobbyists, and preachers to kill for ruining the country and running it like a country club with slaves. Not surprisingly, I have a list. Many of us have lists.
The number of lists and their length is growing.

Also mentioned in the news: Walmart chicken nuggets migh have unacceptable levels of lead contamination. Because poor folks kibble is made in substandard conditions. But that's totally okay, what's a little lead poisoning among friends in the greatest country on earth?

There is no evidence whatsoever that lead or other contaminants below fatal levels have an adverse impact on the ability of factory drooges and low level desk puppets to perform simle tasks acceptably in a fast-paced work environment. If you have any questions, save them till the next stakeholder-inspiring pizza party one slice per non-unionized employee.

By the way, HR has been outsourced to India to better serve you.
Please call the automated line. There will be a hold.


Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham love you.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

TRUMPTASTIC!

Florida, having already made the leap to naming an airport after our dear president, realizes it can go a lot further. Especially after grasping the magnitude and positive feedback that renaming the Trump Kennedy center received. Which was absolutely a Trumpquake.

Which is why Karoline Trumpevitt can proudly announce that it's now 'Trumplorida'. On the shores of the Gulf of Trumperica. With, as it's chief city, the Trumpami-Dade urban area, not too far from the space port, Trumpaveral or Trumpennedy, we are not sure which yet. Where sometime soon the Trumpemis will lift off, opening a new chapter into man's conquest of the Trumpoon. This is truly Trumpuge, you've never seen anything like it!

Space. It's the final frontier!
Bigger and better than ever.

Maga shivers with Trumpicipation. Or Trumpogasm.
Your choice. And their choice.
Our choice.

Here's an artist's rendering of what that will look like.
Trumpooster rockets firing Trumpastically.
With powerful Trumpusts.

Under the inspired leadership of President Donald Trump, the Trump Aeronautics and Space Administration will once more make a giant leap for mankind, but much bigger and better and more beautiful than the last. Soon the Trumpoots will march all over the lunar orb, claiming it for all time for Trumporida and the Trumpited States, and thus keeping Chinese, Iranians, and all of Latin America out. As is only fitting!


The launch was postponed today because of the weather and the foreigners and a speech that our beloved Trumpuhrer is scheduled to deliver to the benighted savages. But soon, baby, soon. For which thunderous Trumplause is expected.

After that we shall all feast on two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fishes, and a chocolate shake.
Plus up to a dozen cans of Diet Coke. It's Trumpelicious!



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

THE LETTER ENGRAVING FEE

A friend overseas, who is verbose, was preparing to celebrate the holiday while waxing in his eyes philosophical. As apparently one does. When the Iranian government is angrily lobbing missiles. Because our president is an idiot who wants a ballroom. In which to do his silly fist pumping shuffle dance. Which people in the red states go ape over.
Because disco passed them by. Entirely.

Which leads to the invention of a new German word. For every philosophical concept one must have a German word. It's the law. That is gesetzig!


Grabsteinbuchstabeneingraviertsbezahlungen.


Payment by the letter for the inscriptions on a tombstone.


Naturally I'm proposing a sliding scale. Some people deserve to be stiffed. Shan't mention which idiot in the White House I'm thinking of, but by all means let the inscribed text be long and meandering, and mention huge beautiful ballrooms several times, and maybe Epstein.
As well as disquisitioning on the beauty of Corinthian columns versus Doric.
Es muss wahrlich sehr covfefisch sein. As suits the man.
White marble, not black. Never black.
With lots of gold leaf.

And just as naturally, it should be in Florida. They love him there. They've named an airport after him, and there are plans afoot to name a space center and an amusement park after him, as well as school libraries, trailer parks, prisons, and a giant swamp. It's a huge swamp. Everyone always says they've never seen anything like it. There are alligators and pools of brackish water and mosquitoes and quicksand and everything. It's fabulous!


Golf courses too. With lots of asfalt for better traction.
It will make driving those little carts easier.
Beautiful white painted asfalt.
Nothing black.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

RABBIT RABBIT APRIL 1, 2026

Rabbit rabbit. For reasons unfathomable I am reminded of Dildo Bob (whose nickname came about because he was a pain in the dotdotdot), and his pet dog. Which had digestive issues. And gas leaks. If any dog should have been put on a yogurt and Beano diet, dotdotdot. Why some dogs like pockets of stale air is a mystery. Stay out of that corner of the drinking establishment.

Tat Yee, who is five years older than myself, was seated at his usual spot when we arrived.
I think he had been there for more than five hours, unless he had stepped out for dinner between when I passed by after late lunch. I do not advocate spending that long in a bar unless you are old, retired, and have absolutely nothing going on in your life.

Lunch had been good. Very slightly inclement weather at that time, so instead of my usual cane for clobbering random people I had an umbrella with me. Umbrellas are also useful in that regard, but not as much as a good hunk of wood. In San Francisco carrying a good hunk of wood is pro-active. Whereas those metal thingies with the four suction cup like terminations simply advertise dodder and instability.

A stout cane is a stylish accessory, and says "here is a man like that Scotsman, what's his name, Sean Connery, with whom you do not want to mess, no sir".

I have never had to clobber random people.
There are less of those than you'd think.
So the cane is definitely working.

While smoking my pipe fewer of the neighborhood familiar faces passed by, more German tourists. A surprisingly large number of folks carried pizza boxes. Nothing says rainy day comfort food than pizza, apparently. I did not know that Germans like pizza so much.
It's probably the karmic equivalent of bratwurst mit kartoflsalat.

When you're hiking the hills here you work up an appetite. Pizza is energy food. Everybody knows that. it restores the tissues. And there is no bratwurst mit kartoflsalat here anyway.
San Francisco is sadly lacking in that regard.
Es ist furchtbar schade.

I feel for them. I too have lamented the seemingly utter absence of bratwurst mit kartoflsalat, many times. It's a tragic lack. Sadly, none of the chachanteng to which I regularly go have bratwursts OR potato salad (德國香腸配薯仔沙律 'tak gwok heung cheung pui syü jai sa leut'), wich distresses me.


You can definitly get pizza in Chinatown.
Also pizza flavoured potato chips.
Imported from Hong Kong.
No bratwurst.


Rabbit rabbit.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================