GLAD IT DOESN'T SNOW HERE

It being the season for sugary pablum warm feelings, I suppose I should express tolerance and goodwill toward people. No. The category "people" would include individuals who, with the best intentions in the world, I wish all holy hell upon. And I sincerely hope this is the year their damned farm washes away in a flood, their plantation gets burned to the ground, their factory closes, and their kids get taken away by child protective services.

Oh, and I also hope they get sick from shitty cheese logs.


My message to most of the country is you eat too much, you smell bad, and your mom dresses you funny. And, speaking of your mom .....


One notable bright spot this year is that there are two British lads on the internet who make videos about American foods, some of them featuring their father, expressing delight and keen appreciation for many of our more berserk culinary items. Their dad is pleasantly surprised. That's the positive spin we need. It's entertaining, and heartwarming.

Nothing says Christmas, in a good way, better than British people eating.

Especially because they no longer eat what they used to.

Thank providence neither do we.

My apartment mate has suggested that if that Pakistani place is open we head over there on Christmas day for eaties. A splendid idea. No slaving over a steaming stove and a greasy flame, riding primitive conveyances to grandma's house over in the holler for rural jollification amids snow and ice and gloom and the fireplace being out and no running water or central heating, too much liquour, and various indigestibles prominantly featuring lard.
Simply good food, with plenty flavour, in a pleasing environment.

The last time we were there I paid. I excused myself as if to get some more garlic naan, and quickly forced the maître d'hôtel to accept my money. She saw what I was doing and rushed over to sabotage that effort, threatening violence to both of us if I didn't let her have her way. I'm somewhat larger, I was there first, and I pointed out that I was still convalescing from the medical procedure oh look there's a flying pink elephant!
So I won, barely, and I felt good about that.

I may have to gracefully acquiesce this time. Seeing as I have recovered from the leg thing as well as the flu (subclade K), she is a stubborn and strong-minded woman with belts and medals in martial arts, and I am, largely, a man of peace. Chicken, too.



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