THE SEASON FOR MISBEHAVING

The trolls are circling the mall parking lot, picking off the plump little kids for feasting later. Like many people they like their meat streaky and young. At least, that's what I fondly hope.
I like to humanize the transcendent horror, it makes it more relatable.
And trust me, I would make a great baby sitter.
I'd tell the little kids some stories.


"Ooooh, story!"


Once upon a time there was a beautiful Hungarian countess, who had four servants .....

Guarantee you that they'll behave nicely for weeks afterward. If they start misbehaving again, I can call them up. Once they hear my voice they'll quiet right down.

Anyway, Santacon is coming up in three weeks, which is an annual event in which many twenty-something year old spoiled brats spend the entire day drinking themselves sick in the downtown, climbing palmtrees, puking, and picking fights. I have a strictly intellectual fondness for twenty somethings, but in practice I dislike them.
The reality is so much worse than the idea.

They're a good reason to bring back Balkan feudalism.

Much like the way that Saint Patrick's Day is celebrated by Americans makes one think kindly thoughts about British imperialism. Ooooh, great brutality! Mmmmmmmm!

I cannot envision any joy in spectacles of public drunkenness.
Especially not when it involves hordes of people.



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