THE BOY WEREN'T RIGHT

So apparently, I do not have the correct responses to the assassination attempt. Among which, I've been told, are horror and outrage. Indeed, I am outraged. A nearly stationary target, glowing orange, large and with a low centre of gravity, scarcely moving, and brightly illuminated, and the dumb sumbitch couldn't hit it because he had learned shooting from playing Grand Theft Auto. What IS American education coming to? Dang!

HOW could you miss, boy?
Dumb ass!


Apparently that was not the right reaction. And I am supposed to be horrified that some loser decided to take a potshot at someone more odious than either Prince Harry or Elon Musk. Far more odious in fact than both of those gentlemen combined.


I have never felt a greater glow of patriotism.

What could possibly be more American than a crazy young man with an assault rifle? And the AR 15 is the quintessence of all American he-man yanquismo. It's the nation's favourite lightweight mass damage weapon, in the home armories of one out of twenty citizens.

Which his daddy had given him. If that doesn't bring a tear to your eye, I don't know what.

So he failed. Failure like that also is very American. All over America there are young men living in their mom's basement who have failed. Their mother's hide their disappointment at sonny-boy, who can't even seem to find a young lady he can impress -- the piercings and tattoos aren't working in that regard, neither is his chosen avatar (Gandalf) in on-line role playing games -- and while the parish priest likes him (extremely much), that can be said for every monumental failure that graduated from the local non-academic high school.

It's all about mom, the flag, orange Jayzus, and rhubarb pie. Ah mur ee kah!

Not apple pie, Americans do a lousy version of that. But rhubarb pie. Goes well after a giant Boo-Burger from the local Beefiboyz with megafries. Rhubarb is good for the digestion, and works as a laxative. Keeps you healthy.


Another factor is that this was entirely homegrown. No illegal alien or foreign heathen had any part in it, Thomas Crooks was the total acme of Waspy white bread.
That's a victory right there!



BTW: This event gave Nigel Farage painful flashbacks to the time someone attacked him with a strawberry milkshake. It was so traumatic! The pain, the horror, the humanity!
Mr. Farage will be coming to the States to cry on our collective shoulder.
Because we're good Christians and a welcoming people.



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