Wednesday, October 28, 2020

WORST CHINESE FOOD

No, I am not going to mention the names. Suffice to say that I know all three restaurants that the search brought up, and have eaten at none of them. And, oh horrors, one reviewer mentioned in extreme indignation that the pork chow mein was greasy!
I don't think I've ever had pork chow mein.
Must be a wasp delicacy.

Possibly my apartment mate has, having eaten with more of us than I have. Largely I eat alone.

[And I'm not going to ask, because I do not want a long rant about white people and their horrible tastes from a Chinese American woman who eats more fried chicken than I do. When last we talked about food, she was reading aloud from a list of healthy-good-for-you-breads, and all I could think of is that they sounded precisely like the kind of stuff that makes white people poo. Which seems to be what health-conscious people in San Francisco aim for. Primarily.]



Sharing food can be great fun, and is regarded by some cultures as almost sacramental, but given that I hate nasty surprises and generally refuse to do stupid things repeatedly -- unlike regularly posting on this blog, which has been a daily thing for several years now -- other than breaking bread with close friends occasionally and work related snarfing, the dining out event with other people social thing is something I rarely do.

Among the worst things to order at a Chinese Restaurant are Crab Rangoon (otherwise known as "Crab Raccoon", depends on spelling peculiarities), Egg Rolls, and General Tso's Chicken. This per several medical advisors and dieticians. Orange Beef and Sweet 'n Sour Chicken are also in the running, as is anything labelled "concubine's" whatever.

Surprisingly, Pork Chow Mein isn't even mentioned.


Possibly the reason I have never eaten it is because growing up in Holland I was already exposed to Bami Goreng, some versions of which are inedible. Fried noodles, meat scraps, soy sauce and scallion, and peppers, with an egg on top. What the Cantonese would call 'lap sap min' (垃圾麵 "garbage noodles") and prepare as a quickie at home so that they can hunker down in front of the teevee to watch their favourite soap opera in their pajamas.

In it's Chinese American interpretation it would probably be insta-noodles augmented with bokchoy, Spam™, and a fried egg. Which actually sounds really good right now.


I've got noodles and tinned meat. And there's a bottle of oyster sauce on the premises. Per a commercial that played in all the C'town theatres between movies, that is the essential addition to both noodles and eggs, without which life is incomplete.
And of course I have chilipaste.
Sambal.



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