YOUR COMPOST HEAP ES MUY MACHO

A female pipesmoker who lives at the other end of the country writes favourably about a Halloween-themed tobacco. Now, I should at the outset mention TWO things.

1) Aromatics are DISGUSTING!

2) She's an extremely likable person.

This, naturally, skews my judgment. And, given that I will not try the tobacco in question under any circumstance (reportedly it smells like kandy korn, with hints of chocolate, kramble apples, and shit), it is best that I quietly and tolerantly smile and say nothing. Probably.


About three years ago the manager of a nearby tobacco emporium thought it was a good idea to sell a pumpkin pie flavoured aromatic for the last four months of the year. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Salem Witch Burning, and Christmas.

Two years ago, because of the nine-plus pounds of it that were left (bulk tobacco comes in five pound bags, do the math), it was "rebranded".
There are still nine-plus pounds of it left.

Half a year ago five pounds of Lane Dark Red appeared on their doorstep. Bing cherry black cavendish.

I believe a dozen bowls of that product were smoked.

Same with the Concord Grape.


If you want to celebrate the season with an aromatic (other than Samuel Gawith's 1792 Flake), please smoke Mixture 79. It is ghastly, yes, as are all aromatics, and it will leave your pipes smelling like a urinal in a seedy bar frequented by bikers and deviants, but it is hallowed by Tradition.
It was first introduced in the early thirties (1933, I read somewhere), well before most of the other sickly boiled babies that now infest tobacconists shelves, and many people fondly remember their grandfather or some other crusty old pervert smoking it during their youth. Smells like the talcum that an old lady would put in her underwear. Granny panties.

Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby both smoked it.
So it's an all-American abortion.

Yes, it will burn your tongue and ghost (ruin) your pipe. But that's what aromatics are supposed to do. And someone will come up to you drooling to inform you that it smells sexy oh my god you total macho stud muffin come to me now so it's totally worth doing.

Aros are 80% of the market.
Effing deviants.


Latakia. Now that smells properly autumnal.
Smoky, leathery, booky, tweedy.
Set fire to something.

TOBACCO INDEX


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