HE TWIRLS!

"If he's an African prince, then just maybe he's back in Africa!" It sounded like an interesting conversation, so quite naturally I listened in.
However, once they mentioned spanking, I closed my ears.
I may be fifty-four years old, but my ears remain clean.
'I don't know nuttin' 'bout no spankin' miz Scarlett.'
The modern age, you will grant, is disturbing.
And there is almost no ginger in the ale.
White people are scared of taste.
Plucky little charwomen.



Sometimes I wish I were a fly on the wall. Other people's discussions can be interesting, but as a human you risk being pulled in to their world. As a bug, all you need to worry about is staying outside of smack-reach.

"I don't know if I want to get naked and have everybody else see me without clothes"

"You're mispronunciation tells me you're either ignorant or English"

Both of those conversational gambits presage mayhem. The first begs the response "me neither if I was you", the second invites a sock in the jaw.


Again, stay out of smack reach.


Irrespective of the scene, I tend to stick around the edge of the crowd rather than anywhere near the centre. And I always know where the exit is, and how far I am in relation to same. A quick escape is always one of the possibilities. More to the point, I make sure that no one invites me to bachelor parties -- there's always one man who after fifteen ill-considered shots of rye gets everyone in trouble, or suggests heading to the strip show and twerking -- or other embarrassing events of an alleged social slant.

Bridal showers, speed dating, football games, singles parties, monkey hugging, beer and barbecue, ladies nights (errm, the male equivalent: bourbon nights), dolls tea parties, and the like.

There are several words that I feel should never be used casually, or in public, or, in fact, with anyone other than the person whose naughtiness delightfully matches your own. No need to mention these locutions; you know what they are, even if regrettably you lack wickedness at present.
We are judged by our friends. And what they say.
I am rather like Kermit the Frog that way.
Assume that my friends are muppets.
Clean-spoken, and innocent.
Occasionally rowdy.
Never foul.




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