UGG BOOTS! For the past several weeks, someone has tried to seed the comments field under my blogposts with clickable urls to Ugg Boots. Which, frankly, baffles me. This blog is not about feet.
While I like feet oh lordy yes, I do NOT like Ugg Boots.
Bare feet. Entirely without an ugg-factor.
Those are the nicest feet.
Are your feet cold? My dear, you do NOT need Ugg Boots, you need a lobster. Or perhaps a nice warm bowl of soup. Cold feet can be very uncomfortable, but Ugg Booted Feet just look nasty.
Instead of Ugg Boots, may I suggest that you come inside?
Let me rub your feet for you, and bundle you up in a throw-rug.
You'll feel ever so much happier after a nice foot massage, I promise.
Every day I have rejected Ugg Boot comments. Hundreds of surreptitious mercantile spammers trying to sneak a link to their fabulous Ugg Boot vending sites have been disappointed. Or maybe it's just one Ugger, but a very stupid one.
Whatever. No Uggs here, ever! Feet are welcome.
I encourage complete pedal freedom.
Go ahead, wiggle those toes!
Tickle tickle tickle.
What, precisely is the point? Does anyone really think that Ugg Boots are attractive? Big nasty leathery things with dirty wool inside, torn from the body of some poor murdered ovine? And the smell of them!
Caveman clothing, pure and simple. Not elegant, not flattering, not comfy.
If your feet are cold, there are many sensible and attractive ways to alleviate the problem without resorting to those hideous fashion-disasters from Kangaroo land.
I have gentle hands. I'm just saying.
Step away from the Uggs.
The best possible garb for feet is total nakedness - no boots, no high heels, no toe rings, and absolutely no nail polish.
Just cute curvy feet, with a lovely instep, glowing in the fire light.
I don't have a hearth, but I do have a multitude of flashlights. Let me illuminate your delicate nether extremities with those, while making sure that you are nice and toasty warm.
Which is where the lobster comes into play. No one is cold when eating a lobster. It's just not natural.
And after that, some warm soup.
While happily wrapped in a fluffy throw rug, and letting me play with your toes.
You have such lovely feet. Please, just dump the damned Ugg Boots.
NOTE:
This blogger is not a foot-fetishist. But I might be, if the right pair comes along. Do you have lovely feet? Or are your feet lonely and in need of a holding hand? Please do feel free to trumpet YOUR feet as worthy of attention!
In fact, I encourage you to send me pictures of pretty feet.
There might even be a foot massage in it for you!
See instructions below for contacting me.
But no Ugg Boot adds, please.
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NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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1 comment:
Please excuse this comment -- it is not on the top of this post, namely Ugg Boots. Nonetheless, you will probably enjoy it more than the Ugg Boots commenter (presumably a spambot).
Do you know anything about the Shakespirrer Chassidim, and could you employ your excellent writing sckills to tell us something about them?
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