DECENT MEN

I'm afraid that Bob does not understand the female dynamic. Which is a pity, because underneath that thick veneer of crassness and vulgarity he's actually a pretty decent man. Just not consciously.
But clearly the man-woman thing is too complicated for him, all of his involvements are messy.

I've known him for several years. He's had a different girl-friend every time I've seen him.
He likes it that way. His fondest love affairs have always been strictly temporary bondings, rather like a hyena and a zebra carcass.
His current flame is getting clingy and seems to want to keep him, and that's a real problem in his world, albeit far less so than when it happened before with other women.
He's actually quite fond of this one, though he won't come right out and say it. And she is better than many of his previous ladies, especially that blonde six months ago who got him fired from the best restaurant at which he ever worked when she broke up with him. They still talk about that incident.
They never had to call the cops before.

Most of his dates are people you do not want to be seen with in public.
Not only because of their outrageous tits and tattoos.
They don't do very well in daylight.
Behavioural issues.


When he found out I was single after my two decade romance came to an end, he expressed extreme (and unsuitable) envy.
"How lucky can you get, now you can chase tail again!"
'Errrrrrrrrrrrm, what?'
"Tail. Chase tail. Have one-night stands and kiss party girls. Tail!"


TAIL! OR, THE OPERATIC SEX LIFE.

I firmly said that such was the last thing on my mind, and then made the mistake of asking him why he thought superficial flings were a good thing. His answers showed that he was a perfect representative sample of his class and generation.
He's got that eighties attitude: me, me, meatrack, me.
It's all about the physical aspect for him; he loves sex but doesn't want much involvement with the other person, and he cannot understand why I would not think exactly the same.
I should be out there chasing the aforementioned tail before it's too late.
Men should have only one thing on their mind.
It's natural.


SPECULATION ABOUT THE ESSENTIAL CONSIDERATA FOR 'TAIL'

My insistence that there has got to be more than stupendous whompeties in a relationship absolutely baffled him. That in fact sexual compatibility, although an important factor, was but one of many considerations confused him even further.
Sex, to him, is the ONLY logical reason why men and women get together.
He cannot understand why I haven't been frogging like a bunny these past several months; if it were him he'd be dating someone different every week.
Two or three girls at a time.
Surely females are fun?
Whoopee, girls, yay!

Well, yes. They are. If they've got a brain and a sense of humour. Along with mature sensibilities, gentleness, and decency. If they're NICE people.
You have to really like someone to want to grope them.
That counts for both parties.

Ideally, you think she's funny and sweet, and your friends wonder "man, how did HE get so lucky?"
She thinks you're funny and sweet, and wonders "man, how did I get so lucky?"

The perfect person is warm, intelligent, and thoroughly enjoys spending a lazy Sunday afternoon curled up with an exciting book, a nice fuzzy blanky, and a naked man.
Or a cup of tea.
Obviously, there are very few of those.

魚我所欲也, 熊掌亦我所欲也; 二者不可得兼，舍魚而取熊掌者也。
Yu ngoh so-yuk ya, hong-tseung yik ngoh so-yuk ya; yi-tzeh pat ho-tak gim, se yu yi tsui hong-tseung tzeh ya!
"Fish I desire, bear paw too I desire. If I can't have both, I will choose bear paw."
----- Mencius (孟子)

Even more important, there must be a sharing of interests and tastes. It isn't that the two people have to mirror each other, but they really must have that much in common that their differences are exciting details, to be happily discovered over time.

If two people do not stimulate each other, whatever is the point of even getting to know each other?

That last statement got him guffawing. When he discovers too many peculiarities, the relationship is over. He doesn't mind the women in his life being a little eccentric, but conversation has never been their strong suit.
He prefers them a little dim.
And books, he avers, have NO place in the well-ordered bedroom.

...

"Dude, that explains why none of your affairs have lasted more than three months. It also explains the crazy one two years ago who burned all your underwear in the back yard. And surely you remember the one who discovered all of your copies of Penthouse Magazine and glued the glossy pages together while you were out drinking with your buddies?
What about that obsessive psycho who keyed your car?"

That, he explained, was precisely why strictly casual sex with was such a good thing.
No false expectations, no disappointments, and no unpleasant surprises.
His philosophy, bluntly put, was "hump 'em and dump 'em".

My idea that personal qualities such as companionship, wit, and having similar tastes were important, was sheer foolishness, and my "queer obsession" with finding a woman who also loved roast duck and yau choi, to name just two "extremely peculiar" examples, pretty much guaranteed my having a very hard time finding someone to share my life, or even go out for coffee on a Sunday morning with.
Heck, girls would strenuously avoid me.
Picky people don't get laid.
And that's a fact.


Well, he's probably right. But I didn't say that.

Instead, I voiced the hope that none of his flings would be with 'Chainsaw Mary'.

Because that would be the end of it.

So sad. So sad.


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