At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

CANTONESE GIRLS ARE BEAUTIFUL

On one of the forums that I occasionally read, one contributor opined that Cantonese girls look rather ape-like. A very strong opinion.
Needless to say I was intrigued.

Here in San Francisco there are a fair number of Cantonese girls.

I myself live with one, though we haven't been amorously involved in what seems like forever.
[Romance ended in 2010. We're still friends. She's a good person.]


Yes, I've seen Cantonese girls who reminded me of small monkeys.
Just like I've seen black women who resemble the mythical heffalump, and white women who looked like cavemen or trolls.

There are women of every ethnicity who recall the wild man of Borneo.
You know this is true - just think of your in-laws.


On the other hand, anyone who could seriously think my ex had anything in common with a simian would need their eyes examined.
Or poked out - both options are equally recommended.


Many Cantonese girls look absolutely yummy.


There are few Cantonese women who can be called really stunning, however.

The problem is that they look far too intelligent, or their faces betray too much interest or emotion. They're thinking about something, all the wheels are turning.

True classic beauty looks dumb as a brick.


A woman who is eyeing your fine burrito con mole poblano with an expression that says "you gonna eat ALL of that, you greedy bastard?" just doesn't have the requisite vacuity in her face.
Likewise, a Cantonese girl who has just told you "dew sei neige pok gai tau, chau haam ga tsan kam ge sei kwei chui yeh!!!" may look any number of things - pan faced uber-goober isn't it.

[No, I will neither translate, nor ideographically transcribe, that locution.]

The standard idea of beauty includes an uncomplicated expression, certain proportions, and certain hues.
Stupid, curvy, pale.

The hues are acceptable.
The proportions are often quite interesting.
And the expressions?

No Cantonese woman can pretend that her mind is blank. Their own faces betray that there is something going on upstairs, even if it's only "I want some of that lobster, even if I have to KILL the dumb white guy currently hogging the buffet!"


They just aren't very good at looking vacant. That, right there, takes away the classic appeal.


Most men want someone who has the pouty emptiness of Marilyn Monroe, or the steamy mutton-faced sexiness of Brigitte Bardot.
A frown that says that something good better go into the mouth or something blisteringly evil will soon come out frightens many males.

The other great failing of the young Cantonese female is that she just cannot look up adoringly at her hunk. Do you see those pupils, those narrowed eyes? Yes, she's looking up. But she's focused on that hair sticking out his nostril, and planning to yank it out when he falls asleep. She's just waiting.
Either that, or she's thinking "good lord, he looks like a dingo from this angle - is it even worth my while staying around for dinner?"


Cantonese feminine charm lies in looking homicidal, involved, angry, despairing, stubborn, greedy, amused, hungry, or wicked.
Perhaps even con brio spewing a train of invective that would make a dead man blanch.
These girls are the descendants of grave robbers, smugglers, pirates, and incendiarists. Their ancestors moved south into Lingnan to escape blandness.

[As well as to get away from taxes, the salt-gabelle, the draft, and snooty northerners.]


They just don't have it in them to look 'beautiful'.

Give them a good time (and something nice to eat), and they'll sparkle.
Bore them, and you'll see just how ugly a woman can get.
Unless she's happily speculating about trading you in for a whole roast pig, which is when she will look her dreamiest best.

[So what do those sweet seductive bedroom eyes mean? Either you've pleased her no end, and she thinks you're the bees' knees and the cat's miaow, OR she's happily calculating your net worth based on pounds of stupid male flesh and harvestable organs.
Finding out which it is, is up to you. Good luck.]



If they look ape-like, that may just be because they're thinking of jamming a banana where your sun don't shine.
A hard unripe banana.




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25 Comments:

  • At 10:08 AM, Blogger Crystal Tao said…

    In which forum did you read those nasty comments?

     
  • At 10:17 AM, Blogger Tzipporah said…

    "The standard idea of beauty includes an uncomplicated expression, certain proportions, and certain hues.
    Stupid, curvy, pale."

    Say what? Nobody I know actually finds stupid attractive. You should hang out with a better class of commenters.

     
  • At 10:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    If Cantonese women look like monkey's I'll be a monkey's uncle. But I would rather be her boyfriend.

    Kevin

     
  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    "Nobody I know actually finds stupid attractive. You should hang out with a better class of commenters."


    Tzipporah, it’s not the commenters, it’s the entertainment and fashion industries.
    Most starlets are clearly mentally defective, and many of the women in fashion magazines are the very definition of vacuous zotsbrains.
    Just like the women in car-mechanic and porno mags are their more rambunctiously curvaceous but equally uncomplicated sisters.

    It’s had a pervasive effect on both gender’s self-images, expectations, and the popular ideas of beauty and sexiness.

     
  • At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    All I can think of is flat curves!

     
  • At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Banana! said…

    Atboth, so what you're really saying in your own goofy way is that you find them (or, many of them) to be indelibly attractive?

    If that is what you meant, that's cool.
    I guess.

     
  • At 2:25 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    ...you find them (or, many of them) to be indelibly attractive.

    Yes.

    Indelibly.

     
  • At 12:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You know, you've hit on it: that calculating expression and grasping manner is why I don't find them attractive at all, nothing to do with physical features.

     
  • At 1:27 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    You know, you've hit on it: that calculating expression and grasping manner is why I don't find them attractive at all, nothing to do with physical features.

    Difference of interpretation.
    That "calculating expression" shows that they’re thinking and involved. That, in fact, there's something going on, and that the brain is engaged.
    And as far as "grasping manner" is concerned, that's not how I put it, nor precisely what I meant. Rather, they are thinking and the brain is engaged - that this must mean that they're considering pros and cons, as well as further developments, and also whether or not things are positive or negative, enjoyable or not, is normal.
    An element of 'feed me', or 'do something', seems a natural corollary.
    They're alive.

    Personally, I would far rather deal with a thinking person, than some fluffy-headed Bay Area twenty-something party-girl who relies on her parents for a safety net, her friends for applause and personal validation of her puffed-up attitudes and spoiled brat behaviour, and her 'dates' for drinks, drugs, pampering, and expenses.
    Necessarily that means that the average young woman in San Francisco, who moved here after college, isn't going to rank very high in my regard. Too dull. Too boring. Too self-impressed, self-centered, self-indulgent. And far too little going on in the upper chamber. That they are alive is debatable.

    The studious and mentally active 'local' girl (a number of whom are in fact Cantonese-American, especially in my neighborhood) is a far more interesting quantity.
    And if she has a fully involved approach to food, conversational mayhem, and living in general, so much the better.

     
  • At 12:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Party girl comes out of my bathroom drying her hair after a druken night of ... She says, Kevin I have a question for you; what do you do for a living? I said hey you (I forgot her name) I got a question for you, why are still here? True story and after a 15 year marriage THAT I found so attractive. Pretty, young, educated, ignorant, self indulgent and gone.

     
  • At 11:56 PM, Blogger BBJ said…

    Cantonese girls are serious business.

     
  • At 2:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    We can look up adoringly at our man; if you deserve it. We are also too smart to fall for any guy who looks our way. And those angry, mean looks are only reserved for ppl like YOU.
    For those of you who only care about looks need to stop being so vain and just looking on the outside. Every race has people of every size, intelligence, and personality. Don't judge or sterotype.

     
  • At 3:24 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    "We can look up adoringly at our man; if you deserve it. We are also too smart to fall for any guy who looks our way. And those angry, mean looks are only reserved for ppl like YOU.
    For those of you who only care about looks need to stop being so vain and just looking on the outside. Every race has people of every size, intelligence, and personality. Don't judge or sterotype."


    I'm fairly sure I deserve adoring looks, but they would prove somewhat embarrassing. Not really into the adoring looks as a paradigm of affectionate communication thing. I'm also very picky about the adoring looks, specifically from whence they come. Hence my usually not bothering to look in anyone's way. Forgive me if I don't notice the angry mean looks of which you speak, I just wasn't looking, and consequently did not even notice them.

    I will always care about looks. Mean looks are off-putting, hurt looks melt the heart, and anybody who looks happy and fully alert will look beautiful in consequence. Angry people and crazy people look quite fascinating, but one shouldn't look in their direction too blatantly, lest one catch their eye. It's always about the looks.

    Indeed, every race does have people of every size, intelligence, and personality - that, precisely, is what I addressed in the first part of the post.
    And if I didn't form some judgments, this would be an even more boring blog than it already is.

     
  • At 3:25 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Now, if I was a pervert, or wanted to make you uncomfortable, I would ask what you are presently wearing.

    But it's rather immaterial.

    So I'll just imagine it.

     
  • At 10:14 PM, Anonymous Third little maid from school said…

    Let me ask - are YOU wearing comfortable baggy boxers right now, sir? Such as you wrote about in this post: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/09/baggy-boxers.html

    If so, describe them please.

     
  • At 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sounds divine!

     
  • At 2:19 PM, Anonymous So not blonde said…

    Idiots:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGqx-IXckK4&feature=related

    Miss USA - Should Gravity be Taught in Schools?

     
  • At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Blond monkees!

     
  • At 3:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Screw dumb white chicks!

     
  • At 3:52 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    To Anonymous at 3:21 PM,

    No no no, screwing dumb white chicks is NOT part of the programme!

    There is no percentage in getting sexually involved with such creatures, and on the whole there are more dangers and liabilities than doing so merits.

    Your sexual partners should ALWAYS be chosen for intelligence, insight, awareness, and intellectual attraction.

    Anything else leads to dysfunctional relationships and domestic disharmony.

    Is that clear?

     
  • At 7:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Cantonese women are more beautiful than Northern women in my opinion. I love their golden tan skin, round almond shaped eyes, cute button nose, and big full lips. They kind of remind me of filipinas and vietnamese women.

     
  • At 7:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    White men are SO unattractive.

     
  • At 7:21 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    To anonymous at 7:34 PM,

    From my point of view you are correct.
    I assume you are like me, yes?

     
  • At 7:22 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    And I think you should know that I am lovable and fuzzy, just like Hello Kitty's grandfather.
    Oooooh, so cute.

    But CONSIDERABLY younger and more active.

     
  • At 11:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Are there any Cantonese American girls who smoke briar pipes and like either nice Virginia flakes or deep and alluring Latakia blends?

    If so, how does one find them?

     

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