ALL THESE RIOTOUS BEASTS!

This morning, when I returned from the shower, I found a most disconcerting sight: the Froad was perched on my clothes holding my wallet, and the one-legged monkey (Urasmus) was on my bed with a handbag.
No, I do NOT know why a fuzzy green critter needs money or wants to steal my credit card!

The more disturbing thing is the monkey's 'gender issue'. He's been that way since that accident in the product development department that cost him his leg. Or maybe it was the evil elf in Marketing, who slashed his throat, covered him in ketchup, and stuffed him inside a pumpkin during the Halloween carving contest in 2003.

Urasmus (the monkey) has, mercifully, forgotten all about those nasty events.
But he's been confused ever since.

Like most of the roomies on my side of the apartment he's not entirely sane. He's 'otherwise realitied'.

Savage Kitten's roomies are not like that.

The only roomie on her side who is even mildly nuts is Ms. Bruin, the senior Teddy Bear - who is very upset that my apartment mate spends so much time with Wheelie Boy (Savage Kitten's love interest), and keeps muttering "kill, kill', whenever his name is mentioned.


But that brings up an issue.

What if, hypothetically, a nice young lady comes over to visit me?
Time is not a problem, as Savage Kitten is absent for several hours at a stretch. Plenty of scope for a bit of ..... tea.

The problem is "animalistic" in nature.

How are the roomies going to handle it?


THE HYPOTHETICAL NICE YOUNG LADY

I have this nightmare vision of the Froad patting her down, trying to find her wallet. Or the monkey offering to give her a beehive haircut.
The Lord only knows what Totoro and the blue frog would do.

I suppose I could put them in Savage Kitten's room for the duration.
Except that when all the roomies are together, a riot ensues. One of them will say something outrageous, insults will fly, and there will be thumping and yells.
You can see that this precisely would NOT be conducive to romance.
No one can really put their heart into playing touchie-feelie when there's noise from the other room; it's too distracting.

Maybe I could bribe Angus (the she-sheep with the pretty pink bows) and Ms. Bruin to keep the critters quiet, perhaps tell them a story. That might work.

Alternatively, I could put my roomies on the chair in the teevee room, with a movie on the telly.
The problem with that scheme is that the young lady and I would then have to spend all our time in my bedroom.

Oh wait..... That's sort of the point.


It's still entirely hypothetical, though.

Haven't met anyone with just the right personality. She'll have to get along with my rowdy roommates. The Froad is a hamsaplo, the monkey pushes the envelope, the sock-sheep wants all the attention and admiration he can get. There's also the lizard......
The Raccoon is just nuts - he thinks he's German, and he's a panty thief.
I haven't yet mentioned the violent hamsters or the weasel, nor even the three dysfunctional Teddy Bears that also live on my side.


As you can plainly see, a suitable young lady would have to be exceptional.
Even if all we plan to do is quietly sit together, reading and drinking tea.
A kind and tolerant person with an affinity for little troublemakers.
Someone with imagination, who gets along with rambunctious hairballs.


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