Sunday, June 08, 2008

HENRY DARGER I AM NOT: NEW TAG, PLEATED SKIRTS, AND A COCKTAIL RECIPE

My readers often point things out to me, about myself, that I did not know before. Or did not fully realize. This is always better than having a complete stranger ask "are you nuts?"
And way better than having a bartender say "are you SURE you want another one - that's the fifteenth Grasshopper you've ordered".

[Grasshopper Cocktail: One shot Crème de Menthe, one shot clear Crème de Cacao, one shot half&half. Shake well over ice and pour into a large cocktail glass. If you're really perverse, add a cherry.]


So I appreciate it. Part of having a blog is self-discovery.

[Kinda like discovering a secret perverse fascination with unspeakable drinks. See grasshoppers mentioned above.]


Part of blogging is similar to hearing the next day that one puked all over the bar.

[See grasshoppers mentioned above.]


Fortunately the puking bit, like being caught in a compromising situation with several schoolgirls, has not happened yet. This is largely due to avoiding drinks like grasshoppers.

[I fondly imagine that schoolgirls just LOOOOOOVE froofy drinks with crème de menthe or crème de Cacao. Anything sweet. A watering hole that wanted to attract schoolgirls would serve grasshoppers, with Hello Kitty swizzle sticks. If I ever open a bar near Lowell Highschool, that is exactly what I'll do. ]



"YOU ARE BECOMING THE NEXT HENRY DARGER"

All of this is prolegomatic to a quote.

E-kvetcher wrote: "Dude, you are well on your way to becoming the next Henry Darger."
This was after I had cited a letter from Treppenwitz to one of his obsessed readers, forewording and afterwording it with stuff about dildoes, schoolgirls, teenage lesbians, schoolgirls, Japanese phallus festivals, schoolgirls, Thai penis-shaped luck totems, schoolgirls, and similar decorative elements. Sort of a festive and appealing dimsum banquet approach to using someone else's brilliance, in other words. Treppenwitz's superior cooking, with my parsley on the side of the platter.

[E-kvetcher's blog: http://search-for-emes.blogspot.com/ Treppenwitz's blog: http://bogieworks.blogs.com/treppenwitz/ The questionable post itself: http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/05/all-about-fellow-blogger-and-cute.html .
Bear in mind that there is nothing on either e-kvetcher or Treppenwitz's blogs about teenage lesbians - they probably do not think about such things. Deliberately. I can understand that - teenage lesbians can be very distracting.]



Henry Darger was the genius who wrote "The Story of the Vivian Girls, in What is known as the Realms of the Unreal, of the Glandeco-Angelinnian War Storm, Caused by the Child Slave Rebellion". A magnum opus of over fifteen thousand pages, with hundreds of illustrations, about pubescent heroines making daring escapes, fighting fiercely, being tortured, along with supernatural elements, general cruelty, and decadent spookiness.

Fifteen thousand pages, plus. About pubescent girls.

He may have been obsessed.

So I'm not entirely sure what e-kvetcher meant - teenage schoolgirls only occur occasionally in my writings. I am by no means obsessed. Not by a long shot. I am fourteen thousand pages short of an obsession.

[I should mention that we can divide the category 'teenage schoolgirls' into TWO main categories of interest: 'Little Catholic Schoolgirls', and 'Japanese Schoolgirls'. The division is according to garment - little Catholic schoolgirls wear white shirts, cardigans, and plaid skirts, whereas Japanese schoolgirls wear a sailor suit top and plain blue skirts. The skirts, in both cases, are pleated (this is very important). Socks are white. Thighs are pleasingly peachy.]


It's not an obsession. Food and pipe-tobacco are obsessions, medicated foot-powder perhaps also.
Uniformed schoolgirls and their healthy habits, and delightful lack of sartorial choices, aren't.


But e-kvetcher noticed a theme. So for his and your benefit, I have created a new tag: SCHOOLGIRLS. It occurs beneath this post, and has been appended to all posts in which schoolgirls (of either type) appear. Click on it, and read the posts. Especially the very first one ('Enough Char-siu noodle soup for two people' - posted October 26, 2007). You will kindly note that the hero of that post is actually a fresh-faced and weak-kneed bochur. Not a schoolgirl.

20 comments:

Spiros said...

In my book, grasshoppers are perverse enough; you don't need the cherry to make it "really perverse".

Dusty said...

As promised...
The Gallery of regrettable foods:

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/

including Meat! Meat! Meat! and the Unbearable sadness of vegetables

Excuse, please, the non-sequitor, but i simply don't have much to add re: Catholic schoolgirls w/ white white socks and little plaid skirts. Just doesn't do it for me.

Anonymous said...

I went to a British boy's school, so schoolgirls were always seen/dreamed of at a distance

There were two females in the school - the headmaster's secretary (who was oalder tha all our grandmothers - though rumour had it that she was a bit of a goer in WW2) and a music teacher (an eager if sexless presence) - who was a bit batty and played LPs by Cat Stevens and Benjamin Britten to us.

Whoops - I forgot the dinner ladies - who kept us alive. They have all passed away by now - but if I were to meet them in the street tomorrow - they would know me - and I would know them

"any more greens my love?"

RIP Ladies - keep the plates warm I'll be up there someday

Graham

Anonymous said...

Pink Lady:
One shot gin.
Half a shot grenadine.
Twice as much cream as gin.

Shake over ice. Garnish with a cherry.


The grown up version is a Silk Stocking:
Two shots tequila.
Same amount cream.
One shot plus of creme de cacao.
Jigger of grenadine.

Guarenteed to get her under the table.

Something I don't know what it's called:
One shot rum.
One shot creme de vanilla.
Half shot creme de cacao.

Pour over ice. Fill up with ginger ale. Add cherry.


Be well.

Charlie

Anonymous said...

Marble Cake Shot
Equal parts vodka, creme de vanilla and creme de cacao.
Shake over ice and pour. Garnish with chocolate shavings.

Be very well.

Charlie

e-kvetcher said...

>they probably do not think about such things.

hmm!

Dolph said...

The latest hype among European youngsters: Combibo coma.
1 bootle of Wodka or Genever or Gin or whatever is 35+ volume% alcohol. No ice, no cherry, no glass no whatever.
Drink ad fundum!

Germany
http://www.berlinonline.de/berliner-zeitung/spezial/dossiers/alkohol/75504/index.php

The Netherlands
http://www.ad.nl/binnenland/article1430242.ece

Belgium
http://www.geneeskunde.com/2007/11/25/240-kinderen-in-coma-door-alcohol/

Austria
http://derstandard.at/?url=/?id=2872262

Anonymous said...

Fluffy Dog:
One ounce Cointreau orange liqueur
One ounce Bailey's Irish cream

Mix both ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass.


Irish Popsicle:
Two ounces Bailey's Irish Cream
Four ounces orange juice

Pour over ice in a long glass and stirr.


Rum Floozy:
Two ounces rum
Two ounces orange juice
One ounce crème de cassis
Dash of grenadine

Mix both ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I can't believe that you all drink that round trip meal ticket stuff! Good booze doesn't need all that to make it drinkable, its already a finished product when they put it in the bottle and slap the tax stamp on! Unless maybe you have a preference for the flavor mixed drinks...the second time around.

L'chaim!

R

Anonymous said...

We're not talking about booze so much as the sweet young maidens wot need sugar in their liquor to get lacquered.

Life is good with luscious little lacquered ladies.

Oh my heavens very yes!!!


Brainy boozed-up babes.


Just let me say 'oooooooo' here. Thanks.


---Grant Patel

Anonymous said...

Oh, and Kvetcher, we are ALL Henry Darger.


---Grant Patel

Anonymous said...

Is there such a thing as an Henry Darger Cocktail?

There shoudl be. Something with Bourbon, grenadine, orange juice, and a dripple of bitters.

Ah-hem: Two ounces Bourbon, heavy hand of Grenadine, drop of Angostira. Over ice in a long glass, fill up remaining space with equal orange juice and shpritzy vasser. Top with a cherry and a wedge pineapple. With a bendy straw and a fake flower. Serve to a sweet bendy teenager.

Bartendress said...

Copper Camel recipe
1 oz Baileys Irish cream
1/2 oz butterscotch schnapps

OR:
1 oz Bailey's Irish cream
1 oz butterscotch schnapps

First pour the Baileys into the shot glass. Then add the schnapps.

If using a lowball glass ('Old Fashioned Glass'), put ice cubes in first.

Bartendress said...

Apricot Sour
2 oz Apricot Brandy
1 oz Lime juice
Half oz Orange juice
Half oz simple syrup

Shake with ice, strain into a cocktail glass.
Add a cherry and a lemon peel.

Bartendress said...

Blue Fizz

1 oz Blue Curacao

Pour into a champagne flute, top up with iced champagne.

Bartendress said...

Green Eyes Cocktail

3 oz Vodka
2 oz Blue Curacao
4 oz Orange juice
1 oz Lime cordial

Put rocks in a pint glass. Pour in in order given.
Garnish with an orange slice.

Bartendress said...

Ruby Blaze

1 oz Vodka
1 oz Cherry Brandy
1 oz Noilly Pratt
Small dash lime juice
Small dash orange juice
3 drops Angostura

Shake over ice, strain into a cocktail glass. Add sliced lime and orange on the rim.

Bartendress said...

Pink Perfection

3 oz gin
2 oz Apricot Brandy
2 oz lemon juice
Two large dashes of grenadine

Shake over ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, now I'm drunk.

Gnarfel said...

Man, it's been twelve years since you did this. Time to write another post like it.

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