Wednesday, May 24, 2006

TALKING BIBLE DOLLS

Eric S. alerts me to a wonderful new product, for parents who are scared their little monsters will grow up to be heathens or intelligent.....



Talking Bible Dolls!


http://talkingbibledolls.com/

The manufacturers of Talking Bible Dolls™ believe this to be a great toy for any child.

They're twisted. Truly.

This is sick.


Click here if you want to hear the dolls:
http://talkingbibledolls.com/listen.htm

[I note that Talking Moses recites the ten commandments. Be prepared to explain to your little no-neck monster exactly what adultery and coveting your neighbor's wife or butler entail. And don't forget that part about coveting the beasts either.]


The dolls are supposed to be huggable and cuddly.

That's right, if your kid ain't crazy enough already with you as parent, they can curl up with Jezus, Moses, and Esther. Or all three together, talking gang-busters.

I am sure that they will comfort your little troll while she cries herself to sleep everynight. And put her in the right mood after she finishes screaming herself awake the next morning.


The outfit that manufactures these repellent voodoo dolls also is involved in the traditional missionary activity of white Anglo-Saxon Protestants - stuffing simplistic intellectual pablum into the craniums of folks whom they believe to be stupid, credulous, and desperately in need of salvation (that's right, third-worlders - 'cause ALL nice white people just know those poor ugly dark folks need a white person to tell 'em all about G-d, and save their poor underdeveloped little heathen souls!).

Quote: "Our dolls are programmed to bring messages of hope, love, joy, wisdom and knowledge from the bible. Donations are used to provide dolls to missionaries, churches and individuals who are spreading God’s word. "




I am tempted to buy a set, just so that I can replace the talking part with something that makes a rude sound.

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Purely for reference purposes, I include the Aseret ha-dibrot below.


Sefer Shmos, Parshas Yitro;

Psook 20:01
Vayedaber Elohim et kol-hadevarim haele lemor:
And G-d spoke all these words, saying:

Psook 20:02
Anochi adonai eloheicha asher hotzeticha meeretz mitzrayim mibeit avadim:
I am the LORD your God, who brought y'all out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

Psook 20:03
lo-yihye lecha Elohim acherim al-panai.
Y'all shall have no other gods before Me.

Psook 20:04
Lo-taase lecha fesel ve chol-temuna asher bashamayim mimaal vaasher baaretz mitachat vaasher bamayim mitachat laaretz.
Y'all shall not make unto y'all a graven image, nor any manner of likeness, of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth;

Psook 20:05
Lo-tishtachave lahem ve lo taavdem ki anochi adonai eloheicha el kana poked avon avot al-banim al-shileshim v'al-ribeim l'sonai;
Y'all shall not bow down unto them, nor serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me;

Psook 20:06
Ve ose chesed laalafim l'ohavai uleshomrei mitzvotai.
And showing mercy unto the thousandth generation of them that love Me and keep My commandments.

Psook 20:07
Lo tisa et-shem-adonai eloheicha lashav ki lo yenake adonai et asher-yisa et-shemo lashav.
Y'all shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that takes His name in vain.

Psook 20:08
Zachor et-yom hashabat l'kadsho.
Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Psook 20:09
Sheshet yamim taavod ve asita kol-melachtecha:
Six days shal y'all labour, and do all your work;

Psook 20:10
Ve yom hashevii shabat la adonai eloheicha lo-taase chol-m'lacha ata uvincha uvitecha avd'cha vaamatcha uvehemtecha ve gercha asher bishareicha.
But the seventh day is a sabbath unto the LORD your God, in it y'all shall not do any manner of work, not you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your man-servant, nor your maid-servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger within your gates.

Psook 20:11
Ki sheshet-yamim asa adonai et-hashamayim ve et-haaretz et-hayam ve et-kol-asher-bam vayanach bayom hashevii al-ken berach adonai et-yom hashabat vayekadshehu.
For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Psook 20:12
Kabed et-avicha ve et-imecha l'maan yaarichun yameicha al haadama asher-adonai eloheicha noten lach.
Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God has given you.

Psook 20:13
Lo tirtzach, lo tinaf, lo tignov. Lo-taane v'reacha ed shaker.
Y'all shall not murder; y'all shall not commit adultery; y'all shall not steal; y'all shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

Psook 20:14
Lo tachmod beit reecha, lo-tachmod eshet reecha ve avdo va amato ve shoro va chamoro ve chol asher l'reecha.
Y'all shall not covet your neighbour's house; y'all shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his man-servant, nor his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is your neighbour's.


As they say on tv, "these are professionals, don't try this at home".

4 comments:

Jack Steiner said...

Oy, that is not such an exciting doll, is it.

kasamba said...

LOL!
You're funny!
(Do they make dolls out of the bad guys?)

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

heh i like the _y'all_s in the translation!

Anonymous said...

...and the number of thy counting shall be THREE; FOUR shalt thou not count, nor shall thou count TWO, unless thou procedeth onto THREE. FIVE is right out.

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