Michael in New York had forgotten that Memorial Day is a holiday, and headed over to Trader Joe's. A line out the door, parking lot full, hordes of early shoppers, and a surfeit of pumpkin bagels. Which, as all right thinking people except miss Mary in Conway, South Carolina, understand, are absolutely positively inedible. Ghastly and horrendous. Heresy, anathema, and war-crimes combined. Invented by Saddam Hussein when he was still slaughtering minorities.
Miss Mary in SC starts doing pumpkins from Labour Day, and continues till New Year. Sane people, and her husband, move out during that time and start living in the wood shed.
With the cats and the goat.
Pumpkin cakes, soaps, coffee and tea, hot spiced cider, and mood candles.
Hallowe'en is her favourite time of year, and seques unpleasantly into Thanksgiving, Saint Martin's, Saint Nicholas, and Christmas. Infecting everything with the repulsive smell of large bland festive gourds.
There are also pumpkin pipe tobaccos and personal fragrances.
Pumkin everything! It's the law!
Which of course explains why I vote Democrat; I never got into the pumpkin thing, and consider such ideas to be repulsive and culturally authoritarian. I will NOT give the little kiddie-binkies pumpkin cigars for Hallowe'en. It's a form of resistance.
Dammit, there's pumpkin schmutz everywhere!
My apartment mate, a very dear friend who is sometimes misguided, purchased pumpkin spice coffee beans at the beginning of October, and discovered that she doesn't like them. Now, as a Dutchman (so ab initio notoriously cheap), I can sympathize completely with her reluctance to throw it out; that was good money, and we're gonna keep it till Saint Stephen's Day, dammit. Not drink it (at least not often), but we can't get rid of it! Yet.
SUTLIFF PUMPKIN SPICE PIPE TOBACCO
"Sutliff's Pumpkin Spice is a mellow blend of burley, Virginia and black cavendish that's imbued with the flavors of pumpkin and the spices that usually accompany it. A comforting, warm blend -- enjoyed all day long."
Described as an easy-going aromatic, with subtle hints of vanilla, anise, and brown sugar, underneath the gooey funkum, very suitable for people who wear Lulu Lemon yoga pants and drink Starbucks Frappucrappé.
A true taste of Americana, pumpkalicious and pumtastic.
Yeah, um, no.
My apartment mate is a Chinese American woman eight years younger than myself. She has not realized it, but pumpkin is a very white affectation. Pumpkin anything. Thanks to her we have occasionally had pumpkin pie, usually near Thanksgiving, and other very white things to eat. It's part of growing up in San Francisco.
Although like her I was born American, I did not grow up here. And despite my mother being a very white person in many of her tastes and ideas, I was from an early age familiar with other things. My childhood flavours were herring, frikandel, rookworst, and nasi daing.
Spicy peanut sauce, fish paste, chilies. Alternating with cheese.
Plus salty licorice, hagelslag, and ondé ondé.
Also smoked eel; it's soul food.
Plus sambal.
NOTE: Spek koek should be a favoured sweet, as it transcends nationalities, but it is laborious to make, and while there are a few people who sell it in the Bay Area, my version is better.
So it's a rarety.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Showing posts with label Sutliff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sutliff. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 11, 2020
Saturday, February 15, 2020
THERAPEUTICALLY COMBUSTIBLE
Friday was a day for lazily putzing about, Saturday was work. Both days were marked by pipesmoking. This evening I referred to my notes regarding some tobaccos I have enjoyed over the past decade from Sutliff, a venerable company founded in San Francisco over a century ago, back in the day and age when everybody smoked, fought over gold rush claims, sent their dirty laundry to Hawaii, and died like flies. Those various things are NOT related to each other, despite what you might have heard.
Some Sutliff tobacco is shite. Some of it is quite excellent.
Unlike many other companies, it's a crapshoot.
Many of their aromatics are listed in this post: Representative Samples but Skewed. And oof that was an "experience".
BALKAN LUXURY BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Black Cavendish, Turkish, Perique.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Latakia forward Balkan blend, which can perform very nicely. Of moderate smoking strength, soft, with a sweet slightly rough edge. The aroma will likely trigger every vegan twat in Berkeley and San Francisco, whose children, apparently, you are killing by smoking this. Quite a decent tobacco. The Perique is not noticeable. The label art may remind you of Balkan Sobranie 759 in the black tin. Worth smoking.
Recommended.
BERKSHIRE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia, Perique
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
A medium English blend, the Latakia, though definitely present, is not the first thing one notices when opening the tin. Very good, edging on delightful.
One of Sutliff's better blends. Complex.
Worth smoking.
Recommended.
BOSPHORUS CRUISE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Top notch Balkan, rich, creamy, incense-like, resinous, complex, and thus completely offensive to vegan non-smokers, whom you should avoid like the plague, because their company can be toxic. This is altogether a damned good medium full blend. Rich tasting.
Well worth smoking.
Highly recommended.
BRECKINRIDGE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Kentucky.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
If you like some of the old-fashioned Burley mixtures that your grandpa smoked, you will almost certainly like this one, and I should recommend it to Nick T in Montana, who has probably already discovered it. Nutty, earthy, cool smoking, with that faint hint of cocao that good Burley often has.
Not overly strong. Worth smoking.
COURT OF ST. JAMES [Sutliff Private Stock]
Virginia and Perique; broken flake.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
It's a laudable product, but there is far too much Perique for my taste. An enjoyable wet-weather smoke. But no more than one bowl a day.
Peppery, mildly sweet.
CD BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Virginia, Latakia, Perique.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
An American mixture like the local tobacconist would sell, years ago, if he knew what he was doing. Interesting, and may appeal to older gentlemen, but not my cup of tea. I do have some of it stashed away, but I never did finish the second tin. It bit. Similar to Epiphany and others of that ilk.
FIELD MASTER [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Burley, Oriental/Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Medium-mild English, with perhaps too much Burley. Sort of American. This is well-behaved, and quite satisfying once in a while, but it is not a blend that I personally would stockpile. Slightly sweet, slightly smoky, slightly chocolaty from the inclusion of air-cured leaf. High quality, and it sings in a corncob.
GOLDEN AGE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Virginia and Perique.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
The Virginias are hay-like, herbal, sweet, the Perique is a little subdued, one would almost say well-behaved. A fine cut ribbony blend that pleases if not smoked fast, suited to the VaPer smoker, reminiscent somewhat of Dunbar and Dorchester. Possibly an all-day smoke. Worth smoking.
Recommended.
MAN'S BEST FRIEND BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Latakia, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
A modest American blend, which will have fans, also enemies. I'm on the fence about this one. It's in imitation of the old Barking Dog Mixture, but frankly too academic. Best in small bowls.
A yippy little terrier.
R. BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Latakia, Perique, Virginia.
Slightly topped with fruit extractives.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
A balanced old-fashioned American blend based on Revelation (House of Windsor), and quite enjoyable if you are on a roll. Complex, slightly sweet, mildly earthy, faintly spicy. Can be a good all day smoke, and the room note induces reveries. Dust motes suspended in the sun beams, the high quality alloys of old style drafting tools, the sound of the Victrola having finished playing a record, with the needle skipping softly at the centre.
I liked it. But many people will not.
[Several years ago I smoked this when we were counter-protesting a demonstration by people on the wrong side. It traumatised and pained them. So I had several bowls-full. "Excuse me, can you go smoke that somewhere else?!?" "No, I can't. I'm here, and I'm not moving."
Horrible of me. It was very enjoyable.]
Worth smoking.
SUNRISE SMOKE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
An excellent mild English-Balkan, imitative of Dunhill's Early Morning Pipe, but it doesn't hit the target, and is nowhere near the bullseye. If anything, this recalls Dunhill's Durbar, with a little more character. Light and dark ribbons. It's a pleasant product with sweetness and a slight Turkish edge, and exceptionally well behaved. What your maiden aunt might smoke.
Well worth smoking.
Highly recommended.
WESTMINSTER [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Medium English in style. Latakia forward, noticable Virginia, subdued Turk. Unremarkable, but satisfying enough. If you like it, you like it. If not, not.
I would smoke it again. Worth smoking.
An interesting journey, and I do feel that Sutliff is unjustly sneered at. Carl McAllister is an old-school master blender, and has produced some very interesting stuff.
It's probably a good thing that the company left San Francisco over sixty years ago. This city has lost its balls, and has been taken over by severely disapproving types. That's why there are no tobacconists of any note here, and half the people are alcoholics or dope fiends.
By the way: on the way home I smelled marijuana.
Those people are loathsome.
Big time.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Some Sutliff tobacco is shite. Some of it is quite excellent.
Unlike many other companies, it's a crapshoot.
Many of their aromatics are listed in this post: Representative Samples but Skewed. And oof that was an "experience".
BALKAN LUXURY BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Black Cavendish, Turkish, Perique.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Latakia forward Balkan blend, which can perform very nicely. Of moderate smoking strength, soft, with a sweet slightly rough edge. The aroma will likely trigger every vegan twat in Berkeley and San Francisco, whose children, apparently, you are killing by smoking this. Quite a decent tobacco. The Perique is not noticeable. The label art may remind you of Balkan Sobranie 759 in the black tin. Worth smoking.
Recommended.
BERKSHIRE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia, Perique
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
A medium English blend, the Latakia, though definitely present, is not the first thing one notices when opening the tin. Very good, edging on delightful.
One of Sutliff's better blends. Complex.
Worth smoking.
Recommended.
BOSPHORUS CRUISE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Top notch Balkan, rich, creamy, incense-like, resinous, complex, and thus completely offensive to vegan non-smokers, whom you should avoid like the plague, because their company can be toxic. This is altogether a damned good medium full blend. Rich tasting.
Well worth smoking.
Highly recommended.
BRECKINRIDGE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Kentucky.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
If you like some of the old-fashioned Burley mixtures that your grandpa smoked, you will almost certainly like this one, and I should recommend it to Nick T in Montana, who has probably already discovered it. Nutty, earthy, cool smoking, with that faint hint of cocao that good Burley often has.
Not overly strong. Worth smoking.
COURT OF ST. JAMES [Sutliff Private Stock]
Virginia and Perique; broken flake.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
It's a laudable product, but there is far too much Perique for my taste. An enjoyable wet-weather smoke. But no more than one bowl a day.
Peppery, mildly sweet.
CD BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Virginia, Latakia, Perique.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
An American mixture like the local tobacconist would sell, years ago, if he knew what he was doing. Interesting, and may appeal to older gentlemen, but not my cup of tea. I do have some of it stashed away, but I never did finish the second tin. It bit. Similar to Epiphany and others of that ilk.
FIELD MASTER [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Burley, Oriental/Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Medium-mild English, with perhaps too much Burley. Sort of American. This is well-behaved, and quite satisfying once in a while, but it is not a blend that I personally would stockpile. Slightly sweet, slightly smoky, slightly chocolaty from the inclusion of air-cured leaf. High quality, and it sings in a corncob.
GOLDEN AGE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Virginia and Perique.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
The Virginias are hay-like, herbal, sweet, the Perique is a little subdued, one would almost say well-behaved. A fine cut ribbony blend that pleases if not smoked fast, suited to the VaPer smoker, reminiscent somewhat of Dunbar and Dorchester. Possibly an all-day smoke. Worth smoking.
Recommended.
MAN'S BEST FRIEND BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Latakia, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
A modest American blend, which will have fans, also enemies. I'm on the fence about this one. It's in imitation of the old Barking Dog Mixture, but frankly too academic. Best in small bowls.
A yippy little terrier.
R. BLEND [Sutliff Private Stock]
Burley, Latakia, Perique, Virginia.
Slightly topped with fruit extractives.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
A balanced old-fashioned American blend based on Revelation (House of Windsor), and quite enjoyable if you are on a roll. Complex, slightly sweet, mildly earthy, faintly spicy. Can be a good all day smoke, and the room note induces reveries. Dust motes suspended in the sun beams, the high quality alloys of old style drafting tools, the sound of the Victrola having finished playing a record, with the needle skipping softly at the centre.
I liked it. But many people will not.
[Several years ago I smoked this when we were counter-protesting a demonstration by people on the wrong side. It traumatised and pained them. So I had several bowls-full. "Excuse me, can you go smoke that somewhere else?!?" "No, I can't. I'm here, and I'm not moving."
Horrible of me. It was very enjoyable.]
Worth smoking.
SUNRISE SMOKE [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
An excellent mild English-Balkan, imitative of Dunhill's Early Morning Pipe, but it doesn't hit the target, and is nowhere near the bullseye. If anything, this recalls Dunhill's Durbar, with a little more character. Light and dark ribbons. It's a pleasant product with sweetness and a slight Turkish edge, and exceptionally well behaved. What your maiden aunt might smoke.
Well worth smoking.
Highly recommended.
WESTMINSTER [Sutliff Private Stock]
Latakia, Turkish, Virginia.
Compounded by Carl McAllister.
Medium English in style. Latakia forward, noticable Virginia, subdued Turk. Unremarkable, but satisfying enough. If you like it, you like it. If not, not.
I would smoke it again. Worth smoking.
An interesting journey, and I do feel that Sutliff is unjustly sneered at. Carl McAllister is an old-school master blender, and has produced some very interesting stuff.
It's probably a good thing that the company left San Francisco over sixty years ago. This city has lost its balls, and has been taken over by severely disapproving types. That's why there are no tobacconists of any note here, and half the people are alcoholics or dope fiends.
By the way: on the way home I smelled marijuana.
Those people are loathsome.
Big time.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Tuesday, December 03, 2019
CATERING TO PIMPS, POSEURS, AND FRANK SINATRA
There is a monster underneath my bed. It doesn't come out at night and frighten me, it merely lurks there, radiating a quiet sense of foreboding. Not Lenny, the eight-legged poker player I mentioned several years ago. He's okay. Bad at bluffing.
It's a large can of tobacco which was owned and opened by an old gentleman who passed away in the nineties.
I cleaned up several of his pipes a few years ago.
It is still nearly full. And still fresh and moist.
Mixture 79. It was Frankie's favourite smoke.
Maybe it was better fifty years ago.
Made by Sutliff, regretted by generations of otherwise sensible and sensitive souls. Sutliff prospered. Over the years I have had exposure to many of their products, some of which are exceptionally fine (I'm thinking in particular of 'Bosphorus Cruise' and 'Berkshire', which are quite stellar). But two stand out as the ultimates in pig-awful ghastly: Mixture 79, and Molto Dolce.
[For an overview of their aromatics, visit this post: Representative Samples.
I have suffered.]
Not being of the generation that adored Frankie, I could approach Mixture 79 with a completely open mind. And wish that it had not been so.
Like Molto Dolce, it left my mouth puckered.
Stuff like both of these products are why I fervently disapprove of aromatic pipe tobaccos, flavoured coffees, fruit teas, many synthetic fabrics, extreme versions of Christianity, Vegans, gmo-haters, glutenphobes, chalupas and gorditas, Starbucks, suburban Chinese food, tapioca drinks, bad chocolate, communists, klansmen, morons who voted for Trump, designer handbags, layers of eye shadow, many and perhaps most liqueurs, Pabst, Schlitz, Michelob, Coors, Budweiser, Rolling Rock, most junkfood, clove cigarettes, anti-vaxers, literalists, flat earthers, and "spiritual" white people.
I'll make an exception for Erinmore Flake.
And McClelland's Honeydew.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
I cleaned up several of his pipes a few years ago.
It is still nearly full. And still fresh and moist.
Mixture 79. It was Frankie's favourite smoke.
Maybe it was better fifty years ago.
Made by Sutliff, regretted by generations of otherwise sensible and sensitive souls. Sutliff prospered. Over the years I have had exposure to many of their products, some of which are exceptionally fine (I'm thinking in particular of 'Bosphorus Cruise' and 'Berkshire', which are quite stellar). But two stand out as the ultimates in pig-awful ghastly: Mixture 79, and Molto Dolce.
[For an overview of their aromatics, visit this post: Representative Samples.
I have suffered.]
Not being of the generation that adored Frankie, I could approach Mixture 79 with a completely open mind. And wish that it had not been so.
Like Molto Dolce, it left my mouth puckered.
Stuff like both of these products are why I fervently disapprove of aromatic pipe tobaccos, flavoured coffees, fruit teas, many synthetic fabrics, extreme versions of Christianity, Vegans, gmo-haters, glutenphobes, chalupas and gorditas, Starbucks, suburban Chinese food, tapioca drinks, bad chocolate, communists, klansmen, morons who voted for Trump, designer handbags, layers of eye shadow, many and perhaps most liqueurs, Pabst, Schlitz, Michelob, Coors, Budweiser, Rolling Rock, most junkfood, clove cigarettes, anti-vaxers, literalists, flat earthers, and "spiritual" white people.
I'll make an exception for Erinmore Flake.
And McClelland's Honeydew.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Sunday, November 03, 2019
REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLES, BUT SKEWED
Over the past few weeks I've forced myself to explore the aromatic pipe tobaccos manufactured by Sutliff, a respected company which has its roots in San Francisco. Where I live. And where, for the most part, they cannot be found, largely because of vicious puritans and crazy disapproving haters, as well as flocks of non-smokers and ex-smokers, where in years past there were pipe-smoking executives, artists, writes, ad-men, sailors, and slick glib marketing dudes clenching manly pipes in their mouths while swilling three martinis for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a post-floorshow snack.
A wonderful time.
Trenchcoats, fedoras, ferries to Oakland, crates of bananas and coffee beans at the dock, crabs and shrimp Louie at the wharf, cioppino and unpretentious pasta in North Beach .....
Yeah no. Not my era. When I got here there were still half a dozen decent actual tobacco shops, AND a pipe counter in Woolworths down on Market Street. Where I purchased my first Peterson System Standard, by the way. Smoked Drucquer's Royal Ransom after lunch, many times, at Goldberg Bowen West one block from the old Transbay Terminal.
Or the Caffe Trieste in North Beach.
The Med in Berkeley.
You could still smoke indoors then, and everyone did.
There was one time when I needed a new heel for my shoe. I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees ...
Oops, sorry, channeling an old coot for a moment there.
Anyhow, there are open tins for sampling.
So it didn't cost me a dime.
Academy (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Latakia
Vanilla
Smoked three bowls sofar. I am ashamed that I recommended it to two members of the pipe club, poor unsuspecting souls not fully familiar with my vicious tendencies. It's a weird conconction, not, you understand, bad, but if you developed an unquenchable affection for this I might have to shoot you.
Fairly coarse cut, speckled tans and blacks. There is vanilla in here. There are a number of blends on the market which also combine vanilla and Latakia, so it's not an unusual idea. Just not a particularly good one.
April Dawn (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Cherry
It's actually pretty weak as far as fruit goes, but one of my classmates years ago smelled exactly like this, and I've been wary of trollops ever since.
Archduke Ferdinand (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Cavendish
Vanilla etcetera
This is fairly disgusting.
Alexander Bridge (Sutliff Private Stock)
Virginia, Burley
Rum and Vanilla
Light, mild, not objectionable. This would never become a regular smoke for me, but it neither ghosted the pipes, nor woke up the apartment mate asleep in her own room. She didn't smell it the next morning either.
Bacchanalia (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Flavoured with Ripple or Wild Irish Rose
Maybe Lancers
The topping and the tobacco are competing for attention.
It's shitty.
Barbados Plantation (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Rum
Sweet and a bit too goopy. Christmas pudding. Gurgles. Wet.
Needs considerable drying.
Black Swan (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Vanilla Cavendish.
No.
Charlemagne (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Rum.
Charlemagne should be ashamed of himself.
Not a spectacular disaster, and the rum is not overwhelming, but there's far too much Burley here.
Country Estate (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Virginia
Plum, Vanilla.
Richly speckled, large flecks of velvet soot among the blondes. Mild, only lightly topped. Not a remarkable tobacco, but it could be smoked all day with ease. It is unremarkable, but in a good way.
French Quarter (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Bourbon, Honey, Vanilla
On the mild side, a little too sweet, noticeable Burley.
Great Outdoors (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley
Anisette, Vanilla
I've actually purchased some of this. Not bad, on the mild side for a Burley blend, with a smell added that's marvelously evocative. Old fashioned barbershops, after shave for refined and gentle truck drivers, what the old fellow next door smoked while trimming the rose bushes.
A decent enough smoke. I do not detect any vanilla.
Kentucky Planter (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Burley, Burley
Eh, chocolate, vanilla.
The dominant note is Burley. Hue ranges from slighty lighter tobacco-brown to slightly darker tobacco brown. With a narrow range of tobacco brown in between. The topping is applied with a subtle hand, and accents the basic nuttiness of Burley without in anyway detracting from it. For Burley fans, this is a decent smoke, and a good fall-back blend.
Loire Valley (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish.
Raspberry
Goodness gracious! Yeah no. Vile, nasty, repulsive, a loathsome creature.
Man's Best Friend Blend (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Latakia, Virginia
Rum
Supposed to be a copy of Barking Dog, which I've never smoked. Actually rather enjoyable, and does not reek in the can like an aromatic or a Burley blend. Bit tough on the old mucus membranes, though.
Maple Street (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Virginia
Maple
I love the tin odour, it's like fenugreek.
Needs to be smoked slowly.
If at all.
Mountain Pass (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, blonde ribbon
Vanilla custard.
Smokes relatively clean, but that taste and that smell are frightening.
Unless you're into that.
Perv.
South Seas (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Virginia
Mango, Pineapple, Tropical paradise.
Mercifully, this is no longer made.
It is very nasty.
Tabac Noir (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish
Vanilla and cookies.
Very mild. But absolutely needs to be smoked slow.
Taste of Autumn (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Weird spices
Chocolate and pumpkin pie. Wet, soggy, Starbucksian. Ghastly.
Taste of Spring (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Allegedly honey, but more like apple.
Mild, sweetish, floral.
One thing we learn from this is that I am a very tolerant man, as well as a glutton for punishment. There are Sutliff blends that are excellent -- not a majority of their output -- but they are also responsible for Mixture 79, which is effing awful, indescribably bad (extremely popular) as well as Molto Dolce (thoroughly horrid, and popular among poseurs and defectives).
I've got a tub of Mixture 79 under my bed. It was opened two decades ago, the previous owner passed away in the early two thousands. Despite having been 'uncorked', it is still moist. The fragrance is elderly maiden aunt.
The sample tin of Molto Dolce was opened over three years ago, and still glistens evilly, dark oily spagnum shreds, a repellent chemical cocktail.
Sweet, cloying, like cheap pastry. Foetid.
Faint hint of coconut.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
A wonderful time.
Trenchcoats, fedoras, ferries to Oakland, crates of bananas and coffee beans at the dock, crabs and shrimp Louie at the wharf, cioppino and unpretentious pasta in North Beach .....
Yeah no. Not my era. When I got here there were still half a dozen decent actual tobacco shops, AND a pipe counter in Woolworths down on Market Street. Where I purchased my first Peterson System Standard, by the way. Smoked Drucquer's Royal Ransom after lunch, many times, at Goldberg Bowen West one block from the old Transbay Terminal.
Or the Caffe Trieste in North Beach.
The Med in Berkeley.
You could still smoke indoors then, and everyone did.
There was one time when I needed a new heel for my shoe. I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees ...
Oops, sorry, channeling an old coot for a moment there.
Anyhow, there are open tins for sampling.
So it didn't cost me a dime.
Academy (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Latakia
Vanilla
Smoked three bowls sofar. I am ashamed that I recommended it to two members of the pipe club, poor unsuspecting souls not fully familiar with my vicious tendencies. It's a weird conconction, not, you understand, bad, but if you developed an unquenchable affection for this I might have to shoot you.
Fairly coarse cut, speckled tans and blacks. There is vanilla in here. There are a number of blends on the market which also combine vanilla and Latakia, so it's not an unusual idea. Just not a particularly good one.
April Dawn (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Cherry
It's actually pretty weak as far as fruit goes, but one of my classmates years ago smelled exactly like this, and I've been wary of trollops ever since.
Archduke Ferdinand (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Cavendish
Vanilla etcetera
This is fairly disgusting.
Alexander Bridge (Sutliff Private Stock)
Virginia, Burley
Rum and Vanilla
Light, mild, not objectionable. This would never become a regular smoke for me, but it neither ghosted the pipes, nor woke up the apartment mate asleep in her own room. She didn't smell it the next morning either.
Bacchanalia (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Flavoured with Ripple or Wild Irish Rose
Maybe Lancers
The topping and the tobacco are competing for attention.
It's shitty.
Barbados Plantation (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Rum
Sweet and a bit too goopy. Christmas pudding. Gurgles. Wet.
Needs considerable drying.
Black Swan (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Vanilla Cavendish.
No.
Charlemagne (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Rum.
Charlemagne should be ashamed of himself.
Not a spectacular disaster, and the rum is not overwhelming, but there's far too much Burley here.
Country Estate (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Virginia
Plum, Vanilla.
Richly speckled, large flecks of velvet soot among the blondes. Mild, only lightly topped. Not a remarkable tobacco, but it could be smoked all day with ease. It is unremarkable, but in a good way.
French Quarter (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Bourbon, Honey, Vanilla
On the mild side, a little too sweet, noticeable Burley.
Great Outdoors (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley
Anisette, Vanilla
I've actually purchased some of this. Not bad, on the mild side for a Burley blend, with a smell added that's marvelously evocative. Old fashioned barbershops, after shave for refined and gentle truck drivers, what the old fellow next door smoked while trimming the rose bushes.
A decent enough smoke. I do not detect any vanilla.
Kentucky Planter (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Burley, Burley
Eh, chocolate, vanilla.
The dominant note is Burley. Hue ranges from slighty lighter tobacco-brown to slightly darker tobacco brown. With a narrow range of tobacco brown in between. The topping is applied with a subtle hand, and accents the basic nuttiness of Burley without in anyway detracting from it. For Burley fans, this is a decent smoke, and a good fall-back blend.
Loire Valley (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish.
Raspberry
Goodness gracious! Yeah no. Vile, nasty, repulsive, a loathsome creature.
Man's Best Friend Blend (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Latakia, Virginia
Rum
Supposed to be a copy of Barking Dog, which I've never smoked. Actually rather enjoyable, and does not reek in the can like an aromatic or a Burley blend. Bit tough on the old mucus membranes, though.
Maple Street (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Virginia
Maple
I love the tin odour, it's like fenugreek.
Needs to be smoked slowly.
If at all.
Mountain Pass (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, blonde ribbon
Vanilla custard.
Smokes relatively clean, but that taste and that smell are frightening.
Unless you're into that.
Perv.
South Seas (Sutliff Private Stock)
Burley, Virginia
Mango, Pineapple, Tropical paradise.
Mercifully, this is no longer made.
It is very nasty.
Tabac Noir (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish
Vanilla and cookies.
Very mild. But absolutely needs to be smoked slow.
Taste of Autumn (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Weird spices
Chocolate and pumpkin pie. Wet, soggy, Starbucksian. Ghastly.
Taste of Spring (Sutliff Private Stock)
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia
Allegedly honey, but more like apple.
Mild, sweetish, floral.
One thing we learn from this is that I am a very tolerant man, as well as a glutton for punishment. There are Sutliff blends that are excellent -- not a majority of their output -- but they are also responsible for Mixture 79, which is effing awful, indescribably bad (extremely popular) as well as Molto Dolce (thoroughly horrid, and popular among poseurs and defectives).
I've got a tub of Mixture 79 under my bed. It was opened two decades ago, the previous owner passed away in the early two thousands. Despite having been 'uncorked', it is still moist. The fragrance is elderly maiden aunt.
The sample tin of Molto Dolce was opened over three years ago, and still glistens evilly, dark oily spagnum shreds, a repellent chemical cocktail.
Sweet, cloying, like cheap pastry. Foetid.
Faint hint of coconut.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Tuesday, October 15, 2019
I REGRET MY DEPRAVITY
Over the weekend I did something so staggeringly awful that I really must apologize. Ascribe it to senility and old age (which hit me suddenly, it being my birthday two days ago), or just existential angst and pissyness.
An elderly pervert engaging in thoroughly horrid behaviour.
That being the smoking of aromatic tobaccos.
Now, when people say "I just love the smell of a pipe", as so often happens, they are usually thinking back fondly to a long-departed relative who used to smoke a pipe. "Grandpa used to love his pipe." "Uncle Alphonse always had a pipe in his mouth." "Cousin Theobald was never without his pipe." Or even an old college acquaintance. "I'll always remember Entwhistle striding off to Latin class wearing a bedsheet for a toga, with his fondest Charatan Dublin clenched between his manly jaws."
Except for that last one, the others were all diseased psychopaths huffing "Charming Cherry Cavendish" or Mixture 79. Men of no taste and ghastly pretentions, whom you should never invite over for dinner.
With whom I can sympathize, as I have pretentions, and nobody ever invites me over to dine, dammit. And unlike Entwhistle with his stained toga, who remarkably had the same taste in tobaccos, I never had a flock of giddy admirers (or even one of them) when I was in college.
Entwhistle was naked under that bedsheet.
Unfortunately, I have forgotten Entwhistle's real name. He's probably teaching the Classics somewhere at a private school, with expressly stipulated in his contract that vociferous anti-smokers will be thrown to the lions. Precisely like they used to do in Roman times.
Back in that day, I usually smoked Drucquers Mixture 805, or Trafalgar. Occasionally Arcadia, Red Lion, Levant, or Royal Ransom.
All of which were Latakia mixtures.
Aromatics, which "smell so good", and are the stuff of a girl's fondest dreams of hairy machismo, were from the dark side back then.
You know sumpin'? They still are.
After sniffing at a few of the open sample tins, I selected two which weren't too objectionable, and looked rather interesting. No women complemented me on the smell, and my mouth ended up rather uncomfortable.
Neither could ever be a desert island smoke.
Still, not too damned bad.
SUTLIFF'S ACADEMY
"Bold and pleasing aromatic with spicy Latakia added for taste."
Tin blurb: "Plato's academy was devoted to analyzing what could be known by the senses. The old philosopher surely would have been intrigued by the appearance, aroma, taste and feel of this pleasing aromatic spiked with spicy Latakia. Sure to appeal to both aromatic and English smokers."
Fairly coarse cut, speckled tans and blacks. Because I had suggested to two members of the pipe club that they should smoke this, I felt honour-bound to give it a try myself. Interesting. But I didn't finish the bowl.
There wasn't enough there, there.
SUTLIFF'S COUNTY CORK
Burley and Virginia with some whiskey dumped on top.
It felt sticky to the touch, so there's more than just whisky in it. Smelled sour and sweat-socky in the can. But after four eight second pulses in the microwave it was dry enough to smoke. Not a bad mixture, if you're an old fossil from the Eisenhower years, and very similar in general taste to a lot of the mixtures that were common back then. Like most Burley mixtures it pulled a number on my mouth. I didn't finish the bowl.
Neither are anywhere near as horrid as Mixture 79 or Molto Dolce, which are made by the same company.
If you really must smoke Sutliff, both Berkshire ("a rich English mixture of Latakia, Oriental, Virginia, and Perique") and Bosphorus Cruise (Latakia, Turkish, Virginia) are exceptional, and I highly recommend them.
Sutliff's Old San Francisco would've either pissed-off the former owners of Grant's on Market Street, or pleased them no end. Grant's was the one remaining decent tobacconist after Marty Pulvers sold Sherlock's Haven.
I bought most of my stockpile of tobacco there, till they closed in 2012.
[Sutliff sold their San Francisco store to Ed Grant back in the fifties.]
Apparently the smell of people smoking interfered with the studies of the men and women at the "Beauty Academy" three floors up in that building.
Tobacco, as everyone realizes, is disliked by the entitled people in Marin, San Francisco, and Berkeley. And smokers are thoroughly evil.
If you have to smoke, smoke marijuana. Or crack.
Both of those are therapeutic.
Safe around kids.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
An elderly pervert engaging in thoroughly horrid behaviour.
That being the smoking of aromatic tobaccos.
Now, when people say "I just love the smell of a pipe", as so often happens, they are usually thinking back fondly to a long-departed relative who used to smoke a pipe. "Grandpa used to love his pipe." "Uncle Alphonse always had a pipe in his mouth." "Cousin Theobald was never without his pipe." Or even an old college acquaintance. "I'll always remember Entwhistle striding off to Latin class wearing a bedsheet for a toga, with his fondest Charatan Dublin clenched between his manly jaws."
Except for that last one, the others were all diseased psychopaths huffing "Charming Cherry Cavendish" or Mixture 79. Men of no taste and ghastly pretentions, whom you should never invite over for dinner.
With whom I can sympathize, as I have pretentions, and nobody ever invites me over to dine, dammit. And unlike Entwhistle with his stained toga, who remarkably had the same taste in tobaccos, I never had a flock of giddy admirers (or even one of them) when I was in college.
Entwhistle was naked under that bedsheet.
Unfortunately, I have forgotten Entwhistle's real name. He's probably teaching the Classics somewhere at a private school, with expressly stipulated in his contract that vociferous anti-smokers will be thrown to the lions. Precisely like they used to do in Roman times.
Back in that day, I usually smoked Drucquers Mixture 805, or Trafalgar. Occasionally Arcadia, Red Lion, Levant, or Royal Ransom.
All of which were Latakia mixtures.
Aromatics, which "smell so good", and are the stuff of a girl's fondest dreams of hairy machismo, were from the dark side back then.
You know sumpin'? They still are.
After sniffing at a few of the open sample tins, I selected two which weren't too objectionable, and looked rather interesting. No women complemented me on the smell, and my mouth ended up rather uncomfortable.
Neither could ever be a desert island smoke.
Still, not too damned bad.
SUTLIFF'S ACADEMY
"Bold and pleasing aromatic with spicy Latakia added for taste."
Tin blurb: "Plato's academy was devoted to analyzing what could be known by the senses. The old philosopher surely would have been intrigued by the appearance, aroma, taste and feel of this pleasing aromatic spiked with spicy Latakia. Sure to appeal to both aromatic and English smokers."
Fairly coarse cut, speckled tans and blacks. Because I had suggested to two members of the pipe club that they should smoke this, I felt honour-bound to give it a try myself. Interesting. But I didn't finish the bowl.
There wasn't enough there, there.
SUTLIFF'S COUNTY CORK
Burley and Virginia with some whiskey dumped on top.
It felt sticky to the touch, so there's more than just whisky in it. Smelled sour and sweat-socky in the can. But after four eight second pulses in the microwave it was dry enough to smoke. Not a bad mixture, if you're an old fossil from the Eisenhower years, and very similar in general taste to a lot of the mixtures that were common back then. Like most Burley mixtures it pulled a number on my mouth. I didn't finish the bowl.
Neither are anywhere near as horrid as Mixture 79 or Molto Dolce, which are made by the same company.
If you really must smoke Sutliff, both Berkshire ("a rich English mixture of Latakia, Oriental, Virginia, and Perique") and Bosphorus Cruise (Latakia, Turkish, Virginia) are exceptional, and I highly recommend them.
Sutliff's Old San Francisco would've either pissed-off the former owners of Grant's on Market Street, or pleased them no end. Grant's was the one remaining decent tobacconist after Marty Pulvers sold Sherlock's Haven.
I bought most of my stockpile of tobacco there, till they closed in 2012.
[Sutliff sold their San Francisco store to Ed Grant back in the fifties.]
Apparently the smell of people smoking interfered with the studies of the men and women at the "Beauty Academy" three floors up in that building.
Tobacco, as everyone realizes, is disliked by the entitled people in Marin, San Francisco, and Berkeley. And smokers are thoroughly evil.
If you have to smoke, smoke marijuana. Or crack.
Both of those are therapeutic.
Safe around kids.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Sunday, March 19, 2017
THE SWEETNESS THAT HAUNTS YOUR DREAMS
A long talk about barbers, during which my interlocutor stated that a hot shave, done well at an old-fashioned mens' hair establishment, was sheer heaven. Which I would not know, because I have never shelled out money for someone to come at my neck with a blade, what with being just a wee bit paranoid. And in any case, that seems like spa-pampering of the nails and foot rub variety; real manly men scrope their own damned neck.
This in connection with two things, the first being that the hot water in my building is out till Tuesday morning, and shaving and showering with icy water wakes one up better than any amount of coffee -- it is kind of like starting bolt upright and screaming from a coma -- and the second being the pipe tobacco I was smoking, which reminded him of the lotions and unguents at a traditional barber shop.
The tobacco was not dry. It can never be dry. Ever. It is so humectant and fragrant-oil rich that it is damned well embalmed. The mummy of tobaccos, sadly undead, to be dug up a thousand years from now by lizard-aliens in a perfectly "fresh" state, whereupon they will exclaim: "I don't know what they did with this, it ain't edible, but they were a bunch of right rotten bastards and the galaxy is better off without them".
MOLTO DOLCE
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia. An aromatic.
Caramel, honey, and vanilla.
This stuff is made by Sutliff. And they should be ashamed of themselves for doing so. The last time I tried it was shortly after it first came out, when an elderly acquaintance opined that it was the best thing since sliced bread.
I puffed it for a few moments, then threw out the soggy mess in my pipe, and did not smoke again for the rest of the day.
It is pipe tobacco.
It is pipe tobacco in the same way that Mixture 79 is pipe tobacco, and made by the same disreputable company, which had its start right here in San Francisco. Shortly after the Gold Rush a bright young lad opened a tobacco and cigar business downtown, a generation or two later his heirs invented Mixture 79, and in 1933 started producing it on a commercial scale. In the very early fifties the San Francisco store was taken over by a long-time employee, Ed Grant, and renamed, the manufacturing side split-off and moved across the country.
Through acquisitions and mergers involving Consolidated Cigar, Heines, Altadis, Imperial, and a host of other names and marques, Sutliff finally became part of Scandinavian Tobacco.
The location on Market Street ("Grant's Pipe Shop") was sold to Ted and Joe in 2005 who ran it into the ground in 2012.
As I said, it is pipe tobacco.
Having used the open sample tin so many times to illustrate precisely what pipe tobacco should not ever be, and having had so much fun yesterday tormenting Hector by smoking an aromatic near him (ever see somebody go green?), I decided I needed to give this product a better chance, a fair shot, see if I had misjudged it, and whether it was in fact tolerable.
The sample tin has been open for three years. Someone must be smoking it, there's less than half left. Also, it should be bone dry.
It is still moist and greasy.
Spongy, oily, somewhat slimy to the touch. Packs okay. Lights okay. Tastes fairly vile at first draw. It is far too sweet. After a few minutes my temples are throbbing. Part way through the bowl I am staring fixedly at a tin of Dunhill's Aperitif Mixture, and trying to focus. Why did I do this? Is there any point to this sickening mess? It has absolutely no trace of tobacco flavour, and though they claim that it is dressed with vanilla, honey, and caramel, what I taste is a slight hint of mint and lavender, a strong dash of coconut, something akin to chocolate, and scads of propylene glycol.
If this were an aftershave lotion, strangers would lynch me.
Did they add menthol?
It does not get any better further in.
It smokes hot, wet, and nasty. It is impossible to finish the bowl all the way down. That pipe will have to rest for a week, and I may need to clean it with alcohol. Molto Dolce left my tongue feeling brutalized. I swished tea around my mouth several times, then rinsed with vodka and spat.
Swished tea again. Repeatedly.
Molto Dolce is the kind of tobacco you gift someone you hate.
It is worse, far worse, than Milango by Dan.
Which is also effing nasty.
I have a one pound container of Mixture 79 somewhere that was opened by its previous owner in the late nineties. It still has not dried out, and still feels as springy as the day it was extruded. More proof for the lizard aliens that we seriously deserve to be nuked. I tried smoking it once. My bad.
It likewise was a ghastly experience, not to be repeated.
Scientific curiosity be damned, don't experiment.
Frank Sinatra liked Mixture 79.
The swine.
Once Hector smelled the aroma coming from my direction he told me I would go to hell, I was a rotten degenerate, he really couldn't understand why I did it unless I secretly loved this nasty crap, which he insisted that obviously I must, and perhaps it was best for everybody if I died alone, a rancid old bachelor and as loopy as Michael or John Lee.
No wonder those two keep coming back.
I attract them, like roadkill.
The buzzards are swooping low over the nearby tidal flats, where some animal died recently and is getting really ripe. If you smell death near the gas station at the freeway entrance, that's what it is.
This is the stench of your nightmares.
Wake up screaming.
Then he walked away and lit up a Padron.
For the next two hours he avoided me.
Molto Dolce is the perfect pipe tobacco for young men who come out of the basement once in a while.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
This in connection with two things, the first being that the hot water in my building is out till Tuesday morning, and shaving and showering with icy water wakes one up better than any amount of coffee -- it is kind of like starting bolt upright and screaming from a coma -- and the second being the pipe tobacco I was smoking, which reminded him of the lotions and unguents at a traditional barber shop.
The tobacco was not dry. It can never be dry. Ever. It is so humectant and fragrant-oil rich that it is damned well embalmed. The mummy of tobaccos, sadly undead, to be dug up a thousand years from now by lizard-aliens in a perfectly "fresh" state, whereupon they will exclaim: "I don't know what they did with this, it ain't edible, but they were a bunch of right rotten bastards and the galaxy is better off without them".
MOLTO DOLCE
Black Cavendish, Burley, Virginia. An aromatic.
Caramel, honey, and vanilla.
This stuff is made by Sutliff. And they should be ashamed of themselves for doing so. The last time I tried it was shortly after it first came out, when an elderly acquaintance opined that it was the best thing since sliced bread.
I puffed it for a few moments, then threw out the soggy mess in my pipe, and did not smoke again for the rest of the day.
It is pipe tobacco.
It is pipe tobacco in the same way that Mixture 79 is pipe tobacco, and made by the same disreputable company, which had its start right here in San Francisco. Shortly after the Gold Rush a bright young lad opened a tobacco and cigar business downtown, a generation or two later his heirs invented Mixture 79, and in 1933 started producing it on a commercial scale. In the very early fifties the San Francisco store was taken over by a long-time employee, Ed Grant, and renamed, the manufacturing side split-off and moved across the country.
Through acquisitions and mergers involving Consolidated Cigar, Heines, Altadis, Imperial, and a host of other names and marques, Sutliff finally became part of Scandinavian Tobacco.
The location on Market Street ("Grant's Pipe Shop") was sold to Ted and Joe in 2005 who ran it into the ground in 2012.
As I said, it is pipe tobacco.
Having used the open sample tin so many times to illustrate precisely what pipe tobacco should not ever be, and having had so much fun yesterday tormenting Hector by smoking an aromatic near him (ever see somebody go green?), I decided I needed to give this product a better chance, a fair shot, see if I had misjudged it, and whether it was in fact tolerable.
The sample tin has been open for three years. Someone must be smoking it, there's less than half left. Also, it should be bone dry.
It is still moist and greasy.
Spongy, oily, somewhat slimy to the touch. Packs okay. Lights okay. Tastes fairly vile at first draw. It is far too sweet. After a few minutes my temples are throbbing. Part way through the bowl I am staring fixedly at a tin of Dunhill's Aperitif Mixture, and trying to focus. Why did I do this? Is there any point to this sickening mess? It has absolutely no trace of tobacco flavour, and though they claim that it is dressed with vanilla, honey, and caramel, what I taste is a slight hint of mint and lavender, a strong dash of coconut, something akin to chocolate, and scads of propylene glycol.
If this were an aftershave lotion, strangers would lynch me.
Did they add menthol?
It does not get any better further in.
It smokes hot, wet, and nasty. It is impossible to finish the bowl all the way down. That pipe will have to rest for a week, and I may need to clean it with alcohol. Molto Dolce left my tongue feeling brutalized. I swished tea around my mouth several times, then rinsed with vodka and spat.
Swished tea again. Repeatedly.
Molto Dolce is the kind of tobacco you gift someone you hate.
It is worse, far worse, than Milango by Dan.
Which is also effing nasty.
I have a one pound container of Mixture 79 somewhere that was opened by its previous owner in the late nineties. It still has not dried out, and still feels as springy as the day it was extruded. More proof for the lizard aliens that we seriously deserve to be nuked. I tried smoking it once. My bad.
It likewise was a ghastly experience, not to be repeated.
Scientific curiosity be damned, don't experiment.
Frank Sinatra liked Mixture 79.
The swine.
Once Hector smelled the aroma coming from my direction he told me I would go to hell, I was a rotten degenerate, he really couldn't understand why I did it unless I secretly loved this nasty crap, which he insisted that obviously I must, and perhaps it was best for everybody if I died alone, a rancid old bachelor and as loopy as Michael or John Lee.
No wonder those two keep coming back.
I attract them, like roadkill.
The buzzards are swooping low over the nearby tidal flats, where some animal died recently and is getting really ripe. If you smell death near the gas station at the freeway entrance, that's what it is.
This is the stench of your nightmares.
Wake up screaming.
Then he walked away and lit up a Padron.
For the next two hours he avoided me.
Molto Dolce is the perfect pipe tobacco for young men who come out of the basement once in a while.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
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GRITS AND TOFU
Like most Americans, I have a list of people who should be peacefully retired from public service and thereafter kept away from their desks,...
