IT WAS NOT MY WAY

This evening I realized that I now have more familiarity with the smooth water-based gel that makes the ultrasound doohickey glide around your dermis than most pregant women. I was scanned at Chinese Hospital last week, at my cardiologist office yesterday, and there are some scans scheduled for next week. Last week it was largely checking for any cancerous lumps. Yesterday it was "let's see if the old bastard still has a heart". Next week it's going to be "my heavens these legs are rotten, boy, we'll have to jam some balloons on long wires up there to make 'em float". In other words, preambulatory to the peripheral angioplasties.

'Preambulatory' is probably not quite an appropriate term here.
Seeing as ambulation is the problem precisely.
Hence the need for the tiny balloons.
And thin flexible wires.

My cardiologist has assured me that it's an in-and-out procedure, I'll be home the same day. Totally ignoring the undoubted need to give me Valium in order that I don't twitch on the table, which means that they can't release me on my own steam for at least six hours. So if they do it after lunch time I'll be there overnight watching the animal channel till dawn.

Last time I was there overnight it was hyenas hunting a zebra for their supper and lions opportunistically trying to steal the meat, which the hyenas did not appreciate.
I wonder who will end up eating what this time. And whom.

All of this came to mind more or less because Miss Vivian is getting ready to pop. Today was her last night before two months off to give birth. So of course the size of her tummy had me recalling the smooth water-based gel used to lubricate the head of the ultrasound device.

While smoking my pipe earlier I had from over a block away heard one of the four songs that should not be sung for dear life at karaoke bars, ever. Country Roads, Oakland Booty, Hotel California, and I Did It My Way. Any one of these is like hearing banjo music when canoeing down the Cahulawassee River.

The bookseller and I did not go to the karaoke bar tonight.
We decided there were too many hyenas there.
We are sadder and wiser men.


Do NOT think of that scene from Alien. That isn't normal childbirth.



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