SAN FRANCISCO LOSERS

San Francisco, for all intents and purposes, has lost its collective marbles. For someone like myself, who regards sporting spectacles with about as much affection as exploding sewers (and indeed they are REMARKABLY similar), the collective creamed-in-panties mood over recent baseball-related events is insufferable and absurd.

If I were an evil man, I would pray for rain.

A few days ago, a friend e-mailed me the following:
"Thank XXXing God that I know I can read your blog without a chance in hell of seeing the words (and it pains me to write this) "Go Giants!" Your words are a safe port in a sea of gibber. Harrumph!"
Indeed.
Pajama-wearing men swinging phallic weapons for an audience of Richard ain't zackly my idea of entertainment.

For all of you out there who are wearing black or orange, you look ridiculous. There’s a reason black and orange are Halloween colours.

GHOULS!

You know, ghouls – the eaters of the flesh of the recently departed. Unclean creatures from darkest myth. Kind of like werewolves and vampyres, but without the romance. Werewolves and vampyres got style! Ghouls? Meh! Daemon-cursed mutants that compete with zombies for food. Urk!

Shouldn’t you sweaty morons be bringing crucifixes and holy water down to the park, instead of pompoms and flags?


The only time people should wear black is if they are wearing a little black cocktail dress. There is nothing quite so visually appealing as a sensual person sheathed in dark silk. Yes.

Which, by the way, is something ONLY charming young girls can get away with.
Let me repeat: CHARMING. YOUNG. GIRLS!

Pudgy middle-aged men shouldn’t even try it. Trust me. Now take that off.

And those orange sweatshirts make your beer-bellies look fat. If your wives and girlfriends had ANY sense at all (not buggery likely, seeing as they picked YOU), they’d leave you right now and go find someone nice who lost nearly five inches off his waist recently, has devilish angular features, twinkling eyes and a trimmed goatee, and is recently single again. Yes.
You know, someone who is a remarkably fine specimen of fifty-one year old man-flesh. All-in-all, a most desirable gentleman – discrete, warm, caring, absolutely hates! walks on the beach.
That type. Yes.


If any young ladies reading this are interested, please write. Snarky or zesty feedback from my audience is always appreciated.
Pen a letter to the author of this tripe here!

There will be no talk whatsoever of sports. None. Bleeeaugh!
Food, champagne, crabs - all subjects for discussion.
Silken garments, books by Nabokov or Wyndham Lewis, or bad habits that are sooooo good. Those too.
Little black cocktail dresses? We can work on that!
Please think of me as a werewolf or vampyre.
Trust me.


I may be a total perv, but I'm NOT into sports.



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NOTE: If you wish, you may contact me directly:LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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STOP FORWARDING MESSAGES ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD!

Some people believe that they are truly the first ones to read about certain events. And they, they alone, are privy to the data that explains the world. These people are slightly problematic - they forward at random everything they see.



I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH SELECTIVE FORWARDING!

But newsitems about cats, hamsters, omelettes, hamsters in omelettes, fabulous pasta dishes, dildo disasters, hamsters in lieu of dildoes, and celebrity scandals (even with hamsters and dildoes) are not my tickky.


Neither am I fascinated by the pimple on Mustafa Barghouti's arse (infected!), or the acid-indigestion of Emir Faisal (stripped his stomach lining!). Opinionation about the fine details of the paint-job on the most recent Gaza boat (powder-blue!) do not interest me.
Whether the Palestinians can be trusted to polish European knobs (superior!) in a suitably flattering way (we like you!), or the charming shininess (blinding!) of Avigdor Lieberman's smile - dos alts iz mir gonz scheiss-egal. Echt und ba-emmes!

I'm subscribed to over a dozen news services.
When Abu Mazen blinks, I get to read about it several times, for several weeks.
Same for General Motors having a bad hair day (different news services and alerts than the Abu Mazen hiccough).

What fashionista Brüno thinks about the Hijab (fabulous!), or which delicious young slut (big tits!) Silvio Berlusconi is no longer treifing..... Meh, I'll read it online. When I get to it. And if.



SPECIAL PROMOTIONS JUST FOR YOU!

The Gazet van Antwerp, the Volkskrant, and several other European newspapers seem to believe that I wish to participate in reader surveys, prize drawings, on-line competitions or Oorah Auctions (actually, that's just Yeshiva Verld and a few other institutions).
I do not wish to win the free laptop. I shall not spend ten days in Ibiza upon winning the newspaper drawing. I do not need a complete makeover, or a recommendation for a boob-job.

Nor do I believe reports that I have won a huge lottery prize. Funds in a West-African bank can jolly well stay there.

I receive identical adverts for Ahava facial cleanser and super seforim sales from several different sources, as well as stern lectures from the J4J's (plus the same sermon three times each week!) despite my complexion being stunning, my Hebrew being limited, and my belief-system being decidedly un-Christian.
Even Amazon and Alibris have gotten into the act, along with several other book sellers. Collectively, they are convinced that I am a born-again Christian sexual deviant involved in stage-productions, as well as a collector of women's watches, handbags, and sexy high-heeled shoes.

My deleted items folder receives several hundred donations every day; it's grown fat and sassy from the frequent feeding.



MY BUTT HURTS!

I'm so connected I got wires coming outta my takht; the electrical sparks are probably setting fire to my haemorrhoid pillow.
Going back to the stone age is beginning to look mighty attractive. Nice soft rocks.

At this point, all I want to read about is SEX.
And the credit histories of prospective customers.


Please send me the names and addresses of delicious yet impossibly mature teenagers, or the payment habits of businesses applying for net thirty terms.
I promise I'll read it - especially the stuff about the teenagers.
Particularly if they are feisty, curvaceous, and petite, and live in SF.

If the businesses applying for terms are also feisty, curvaceous, and petite, that too.
And ESPECIALLY if they are located in San Francisco!

==============================================

NOTE: This message is aimed specifically at a woman in Westchester County (NY), and certain "newspapers". Plus the idiot who keeps sending me cute cat stories. Miao!

ANTI-SEMITIC ORGANIZATION INT'L ANSWER BECOMING JUSTICE FIRST?

GUEST-POST BY "SLEEPING BUNNYRABBIT":

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Modified 09:49 AM 05/13/2009
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International ANSWER, known for subverting the peace movement with their anti-Israel agenda, appears to be trying to hide their tracks. Posters up and down Market street have the ANSWER address and phone number, but show the name "JUSTICE FIRST" - alleged to be "a newly formed national organization that is dedicated to fighting for people's economic, social and political rights".

[The brick-and-mortar location of Justice First and International ANSWER is at 2489 Mission Street.]

International ANSWER may have tanked their reputation with the public by their over-the-top "blame Israel for everything" antics, but they have most certainly made enemies of the Department of Public Works with their littering and nuisance-postering in several parts of the city. The latter issue has caused a legal problem for ANSWER.

The posters on Market Street were probably put up by ANSWER activists heading to the Federal Building to pack the public seating at ANSWER's Court of Appeals hearing on illegal postering.

Per the rebuttable presumption clause of the relevant ordinance, if an illegal poster has your organization's name and contact info on it, there is a rebuttable presumption that you are responsible for the posters that were put up. The burden is on you to prove the contrary.

The six elderly communists 'packing' the courtroom are merely there to create a threatening environment, as there will be no input permitted from the public in today's hearing.


------Sleeping Bunnyrabbit

================================

Here is part of a message that was sent out on behalf of the swine at ANSWER:

We are appealing for your support as our struggle for free speech with the San Francisco Department of Public Works (DPW) reaches a critical stage. The DPW has imposed fines for postering violations against the local ANSWER Coalition that now total more than $45,000! Similar circumstances also exist in Los Angeles and Washington, D.C.

There was an initial finding for the DPW in Superior Court, but the ANSWER Coalition and its renowned civil liberties attorney, Carol Sobel, have relentlessly pursued an appeal in order to protect free speech and the First Amendment. Our appeal is set for oral arguments before the California Court of Appeals this coming Tuesday, May 12, 9:30 am, 350 McAllister St. Division 2, San Francisco.

Ms. Sobel, who lives in Los Angeles, has very generously taken our appeal pro bono, but there are still many expenses for filing fees, travel and organizing work around the case. You have been instrumental in supporting previous campaigns, and we are asking for your help again.

Nearly all of the citations against us are for flyers and posters posted in the Mission District of San Francisco. We view the city’s campaign against us to be an integral part of the continuing gentrification drive in the area. Political and cultural notices are regarded as nothing more than "blight" by the developers and big property owners, and their friends in city government.

There are hundreds of volunteers who work with the ANSWER Coalition. We have a notice up in our office published by DPW regarding sign posting requirements, and inform people who pick up our material about the legal ways in which material can be posted. Our flyers are also available on-line, as is common practice these days.

We have no way to control what anyone does with the materials we make available. Yet, in the administrative hearings held in DPW, whoever's name is on a cited poster or flyer is presumed guilty under the doctrine of "rebuttable presumption." Before April 2003 when the ordinance was amended, there had to be an actual link shown between an individual and an illegally posted flyer. Not anymore.

In every case that we, or our attorneys have witnessed, the cited party is found guilty—whether or not they posted the offending flyer—and usually fined the maximum—an astounding $150 for each flyer and $300 for each poster! The DPW's position is that they don't have to show anything more than the name on the literature in question. There are no rules of evidence, in fact there is no real due process at all in these hearings.

That the DPW adheres to this "process" is hardly surprising given the fact that under the April 2003 amended ordinance, DPW now gets to keep all of the fines levied, instead of them going into the city's general fund. The fines of $150 to $300 for each flyer taped to a pole are ludicrous. If one is cited for a few flyers, the fines can easily exceed those assessed in many serious criminal cases..

The ANSWER Coalition, as you know, has played a key role organizing many mass protests against war, racism and bigotry of all kinds in San Francisco.. We have already been forced to divert from our real work far too many hours and thousands of dollars from our very limited funds. Now we are threatened with tens of thousands of dollars in fines, which would be impossible for us to pay.
================================

NOTE: International ANSWER and Richard Becker (Western Regional Coordinator of ANSWER) have been prime instigators of anti-Semitic actions in the Bay Area for several years.
An overwhelming majority of their events singled out Israel, no matter what the purported raison for the actual protest, and mister Becker himself is on record as having thrown a monumental tantrum in public at one point, screaming that the Zionists were behind it, the Zionists were behind it, the Zionists were behind it!

One of the things that International ANSWER has recently attempted to do is blame the Israelis and the Mossad for the police-shooting death of a black man in BART at New Year.


Previously, when certain city supervisors were covering for Richard Becker and his revolutionaries, charges against ANSWER's egregious littering, thuggish behaviour, and promotion of hate never went anywhere.
Fortunately the skin-blemished haramzad and most of his cadre of morally corrupt acolytes are no longer in office, and their influence has started to wane.
Still a few more to go before the city is entirely free of that lot, though.


Those who have been at ANSWER rallies can attest to the nauseatingly high level of anti-Semitism and anti-Israel venom.
The speeches by International ANSWER leaders and guest-speakers (most of which are findable on the internet) mark them as egomaniacs and psychopaths.
Except, of course, for that insane performance by Cindy Sheehan - I am still not quite sure what the heck she was trying to say, and no one else who listened to her that day has been able to figure it out either. She may have been on medication.

STAR TREK HALACHA: KASHRUS

With the release of the latest Star trek movie, a matter of some halachic import presents itself.
Ship-board kashrus!

It is the considered opinion of this blogger that there should be at least FIVE dedicated food replicators on board the Starship Enterprise.

[Backgrounder, from Wikipedia: A replicator works by rearranging subatomic particles, which are abundant everywhere in the universe, to form molecules and arrange those molecules to form the object. For example, to create a pork chop, the replicator would first form atoms of carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, etc., then arrange them into amino acids, proteins, and cells, and put it all together into the form of a pork chop. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Replicator_%28Star_Trek%29).]



FIVE REPLICATORS


Question: Why are five dedicated food replicators required?

Answer: One each for milchediks and Fleishediks. One for treif for the non-Jewish crew members. Plus two more for Peysach.

Question: Why are dedicated Peysach food replicators required?

Answer: The warp-drive traverses light years. Under normal (non-warp) speeds, Peysach will be celebrated every year, and while it would clearly be onerous and impossible to observe Peysach for every light year traversed at warp-speed, at least one full Peysach will have to be celebrated during each warp jump.

[As the bubble of 'normal' space-time surrounding the ship during warp is artificial, and therefore objects in normal space can still interact with space craft at warp velocity, normal halachic conditions for space-time must be presumed.]


Note, because Starfleet ships are as big as a small city, the search for chometz may be limited to quarters within the eruv. If, however, all crew members will attend a seder, chometz has to be removed from the entire ship excepting the warp core.

[Bedikas chometz should be completed BEFORE the beginning of the day during which warp velocity is reached. Remember, the day begins at night fall, so the search must be performed no more than twenty five hours earlier, and while there is still a presumption of darkness (so that the chometz may be seen by the shadow it casts on surfaces when illuminated by a candle) before the light part of the day prior to the day on which warp-speed commences.]


Since no complete warp jump is possible within Israel (because of the distances traversed in warp mode, either it would take you OUT of The Land if it began in The Land, or it would deliver you into The Land from a point far outside The Land), warp drive almost by definition means chutz l'aretz - this means two seders.
Hence the need for two dedicated kosher le Peysach food replicators, and an on-board mashgiach because even with two dedicated food replicators for the chag, there will be a need for kashering for Peysach.

Libun chamur for both meat replicators, libun kal for both dairy replicators. Irui (hagala) all surfaces, followed by a layer of aluminium foil for preparation areas. And make sure that your tablecloths have been thoroughly washed recently, as cloth may attract dust and kleine shrotzim that render it unfit for the festival.


Question: Why kashering for BOTH meat and BOTH dairy replicators, even if only one of each will be used?

Answer: Because the obligation is that your entire household should be fit for Peysach, not just the items that you intend to use during the festival. It is by that reason that chometz must be gotten rid of before the chag. Please note that as the halachic status of Feringhi is still in doubt, it is best to sell your chometz to a Klingon (or, even better, a Netureikartanik). This is to avoid any inadvertent transgressions bein adam le’chaveiro.


Regarding koshering the facilities, it is very likely that the onboard mashgiach will be a chabadnik. Chabad is well known for providing kitchen kashering services for people who are far from an established Jewish community, as well as Jewish-outreach to far-flung kehilim in addition to kosher for Passover matzos in even the most out-of-the-way locales.

[NOTE: shmure matze can NOT be made during warp speed for obvious reasons.]



SEPARATE DINING FACILITIES


An additional issue is the need for separate dining halls for Jewish crew members, and a lavishly appointed tea room for the hours in between meals.
The non-Jewish members of the crew, when fressing their treif, should mamesh be discouraged from doing so in either the kosher dining halls OR the tea-room, lest one mistakenly assume that treif is replicated there, OR be misled into believing that what they are eating is actually permitted.
This is probably a matter for the unions, and should in any case be including in contract negotiations.



REPLICATED FOODS


It has been argued that the food replicators do not actually create meat or dairy foods, in that they take 'raw' nutrient material and shape it and flavor it so that it looks and tastes like whatever is desired. The analogy is with the mon that the Hebrews ate in the midbar.

Another argument is that the food replicators do not replicate the actual foods, but turn 'matter' into the requested food during the beaming process. And that therefore the issue of kashrus is immaterial.

These ideas are both koferdik, mamesh!

If it has both the same nutritive value, AND tastes the same, as either meat or milch, then logically it IS meat or milch.
The alternative is that you argue that it does not have a meat or milch origin and THEREFORE cannot possibly be meat or milch. But if that were the case, it could not possibly be kosher either!

Now, you may aver that if it is neither meat nor dairy it can yet be kosher: Parve.

To which I will respond that if is NOT of a food origin, then it cannot be kosher, whereas if it is parve, hechshering (of the matter of origin) becomes an issue.

One has to assume that what comes out of a food replicator counts in all ways as food, wherefore kashrus, lechatchila, has to be maintained.

If not, frumme leite could not go into space at all.

==============================

Further exploration of Halachic issues relating to startrek are discussed in the comments underneath this post:
http://dovbear.blogspot.com/2009/05/star-trek.html
Other matters relating to Chassidus in deep space may also be found at that blog (http://dovbear.blogspot.com/).
I encourage you to read Dovbear's posts and learn from the discussion, but as always, consult your local rabbi on kashrus and other subjects when there is any possibility of doubt. To err may be human, but it is not Talmud.

==============================

WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Women just don't understand female beauty. You may scoff, but it is nevertheless a fact. The feminine mind is entirely unable to digest, with any degree of balance, the aesthetic spectrum as it applies to their own kind. There isn't a woman alive who truly understands what makes a woman attractive; whether her self or that cow over there.


"What on earth does HE see in HER?"


A man will never ask this. He knows.

This is why the best shoe-designers and pornographers are men.
Always.

A woman is convinced that there is just one thing - you know, THAT ONE THING, which if it is done, or put on, or acquired, will change her from plain jane to the sexiest woman alive.
Tuck in, push out, and lift.


Savage Kitten has times when she feels that way.
She already thinks that the average male would only notice her if she were tall, blonde, and had watermelons, and she's fine with that - the attention of the average male is not a blessing. What excites her passion to improve on nature, however, is not height, hair, or hooter related.


Shoes!


Like many Chinese girls, she feels that her legs could be improved upon.
I don't see how, I think her thighs are fine, sweetheart, just fine, lovely knees and ankles too - and those darling widdew feetsies. Eeeeeek!

Which is where high-heels come in. Against her own better judgement, she starts looking at what she refers to as 'chase-me-do-me' shoes. The ones with the ridiculous heels. Precisely the type of shoe that only willowy queens and cross-dressers can wear.

The thing about high-heels is that they tilt the posterior just ever so, and throw the silhouette of the legs into sharp definition while making them seem longer.
Sure it looks nice, but only a woman would think that it was the one thing that was missing.

Did I already mention that her gams have considerable charm? If I were a World War Two pilot, I would so paint her on my cockpit. Yummy.

Every four or five weeks, she gives in to temptation and buys a pair of hot-sex-mama spikes. Which she then puts on to go see how they really look in front of the hallway mirror. That brief experience is usually enough to convince her that sane people do not walk in such things, and anybody who wears them habitually is probably going to have chronic back problems and a butt-ache. The next day they are sadly returned to the store and exchanged for credit or something comfy, which she will then look at with regret - sensible shoes just aren't 'that one thing'.

The other night, before bed, she asked my advice. What that really meant was that she had already made up her mind to return them, but wanted feedback or reassurance.
She put them on, strutted a bit, and looked totally hot hot hot!
Absolutely steamingly gorgeous one dynamite babe oh heavens.

Not because of the shoes.
It was the comfy pajamas with sleeves just slightly too long. Cute!
Sweetie, high heels do NOT make you huggable, happy pajamas do.
Go ahead and ditch the pumps. Keep the jammies.

So of course I got to listen to how the shoes hurt, pinched, seemed more comfortable in the store, look at the leg, does it make my ankle look weird, how about the knee, why do these things ALWAYS pinch at the toe, that shade of red is a HOT colour, I can't wear skirts, it's always big blondes who can get away with these things, I wish they made highheeled shoes better but the men who design them are cruel vicious sadists and probably degenerates who would never put them on themselves, even the trashy Philippinas wear these how do they do it without falling flat on their overly made-up faces, and it's totally ridiculous to expect anybody to walk up and down the San Francisco hills with these dangerous things on it's SO unfair!!!!!


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!


Every middle-aged Dutch-American needs a worked-up Chinese girl wearing loose nightwear in their apartment.
The rest of you, well, you can stick to the tall fruity blondes or something. Whatever.
We keep the huggable babes in happy jammies.

IRAN, SAUDI ARABIA, AND EXPANSIONISM - DOC'S TALK

There's an excellent post over at Doc's Talk, which I encourage you to study.

Quote:
"The Saudis fear both Iran's nuclear program and its expansionist agenda. [cut] The Iranian Revolution of 1979 launched a far-reaching competition between Shiite Iran and Sunni Saudi Arabia for control of Islam and the ummah, the worldwide community of Muslims. Since Mahmoud Ahmadinejad became president, Iran has increased its expenditure of money, energy, and time on proselytizing populations, from Africa to the Gulf.
Saudi Arabia, more than any other Sunni country, feels threatened by this new wave of Shiite proselytizing."

Here:
http://docstalk.blogspot.com/2009/03/gulf-scream_17.html


Another quote:
"Iran's expansionist strategy is not limited to religious affairs. Hundreds of Lebanese Shiite Hezbollah fighters who got their military training in Iran have infiltrated the Gulf since last year in order to "militarize" the Shiite communities of Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, and Bahrain. "

Go over here to read all of it.


You will find a lot of other good stuff on Doc's Talk, and it is well worth reading frequently.

[Please note: sometimes his blog (http://docstalk.blogspot.com/) does not show-up, and you will get a dialogue box that informs you that the internet site cannot be opened or the webpage cannot be displayed. It is a problem, yes.]

Sometimes he's far too hardcore for my taste (just like some of my other favourite bloggers), at other times I might wonder whether he's gone all soft - in other words, his is a thoughtful and worthwhile voice.
And he's both intelligent and literate. These are rare qualities.