A paranoid man would conclude that San Francisco wants to kill me. And people like me. Given that it has proven impossible to get a Covid vaccination. Bar tenders have gotten it. Wait staff have gotten it. Healthcare workers, old farts in retirement homes, street people, drug addicts, jailbirds, idiots, politicians, hipsters, and public transit workers have all gotten it. Single men between fifty and sixty five have not been able to get it. Because we are not worthy.
More than one third of the city has gotten the vaccine. So it looks like once they open it up to everybody, I'll have to fight tooth and nail to get it. It will be just like the hunger games.
Of course they helpfully ruled out my pre-existing conditions as qualifiers for the vaccine.
And, if I only had half a brain, I'd conclude that they're out to get me.
But the truth is that they're simply incompetent jackasses putting the vaccines where they are most politically beneficial. We're San Francisco, we care! Well, except for segments of the population who for us would be better off dead.
The single man between fifty and sixty five is socially and politically more of a nuisance than anything else.
They're not out to get me, they just don't give a damn.
Of course it doesn't help that many of the people with whom I have to associate when at work in Marin County have gotten it, or are vaccine sceptics who can get it but refuse to do so.
One of whom is convinced that it will implant a microchip, there is no real pandemic, this is all a political tactic to control us, and space aliens brought religion five thousand years ago for the exact same purpose. He never goes to see a doctor, because healthcare is also a plot.
He's a talkative paranoid neurotic, and I shan't shed a tear when he croaks.
But he's eligible for the vaccine and he should get it.
So he doesn't infect the rest of us.
One good thing about the pandemic is that I haven't seen Tinfoil Hat Stevie, Captain Spaceball, or Lord Von Outerwear in ages. Little White Nipple Dude still shows up occasionally, but he realizes socializing is impossible under the circumstances, and does not stay long.
==========================================================================
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LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Warning: May contain traces of soy, wheat, lecithin and tree nuts. That you are here
strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton.
And that you might like cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.
Saturday, March 27, 2021
Friday, March 26, 2021
A VERY GREEN ISLAND
There are some parts of the world I need to revisit, not having been there in over two decades. And that statement alone qualifies me as having "Anglo priviledge". Seeing as most of the rest of the world does not travel as much, or as widely, or with such devil-may-care wild abandon. Europe right now is forlorn and despairing of ever going to the Costa Del Sol, Morocco, or South East Asia with its fabulous beaches and luxury tourist resorts again.
"Was sollen wir tun" they wail disconsolately, "was sollen wir tun?"
Frankly, Fraulein Scarlett, there's always Bavaria.
So sunny at this time of year.
Und exotisch!
Some parts of the world are more commonly overcast. Which can be very pleasant.
Or grey, drizzly, only slightly too warm for comfort. As a long-time San Francisco resident, I'll gladly put up with that, along with beef noodle soup and sticky rice packets, provided there aren't any Americans nearby complaining about anything at all, Englishmen or Australians getting riotously drunk, Europeans looking for sex and sunlight, or my fellow Dutch speakers belly-aching about the lack of patat friet, frikandellen, or beer. Or why don't the natives make tea like we do? Here, we brought a packet of Douwe Egberts teabags. Just in case.
The beef noodle soup (牛肉麵 local pronunciation: 'gu bah mi') is actually quite delicious, and the sticky rice packets (粽 local pronunciation: 'tsang') hit the spot. There's also oyster omelette (蚵仔煎 local pronunciation: 'o ah chien'). Bah oan (肉圓) are good too. If having the noodle soup, ask for half brisket half tendon (半筋半肉麵 'poaŋ kiṇ poaŋ bah mi'), avoid the three treasures version which also has tripe.
[NOTE: The place isn't entirely ruled by the 黑手黨 ('hei tsiu taŋ') or 竹聯幫 ('tsu lien pang'). So it represents one of the more democratic and enlightened societies in it's area.]
LU GANG SHIM-MI?
Bear in mind that the local people swear frightfully by HK standards, and those horrible tapioca balls in your tea are a fact of life. You might want to bring along a box of Rickshaw brand teabags (車仔紅茶包 'gu-kia ang-tê pow') to show them how it's done.
AFTERWORD
This post is for Adrian F. somewhere near Oxford, and Jerome O. south of Muddy Estuary, both of whom probably visited the place. And may have had language issues there.
Shi hok-tsap (是複雜).
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
"Was sollen wir tun" they wail disconsolately, "was sollen wir tun?"
Frankly, Fraulein Scarlett, there's always Bavaria.
So sunny at this time of year.
Und exotisch!
Some parts of the world are more commonly overcast. Which can be very pleasant.
Or grey, drizzly, only slightly too warm for comfort. As a long-time San Francisco resident, I'll gladly put up with that, along with beef noodle soup and sticky rice packets, provided there aren't any Americans nearby complaining about anything at all, Englishmen or Australians getting riotously drunk, Europeans looking for sex and sunlight, or my fellow Dutch speakers belly-aching about the lack of patat friet, frikandellen, or beer. Or why don't the natives make tea like we do? Here, we brought a packet of Douwe Egberts teabags. Just in case.
The beef noodle soup (牛肉麵 local pronunciation: 'gu bah mi') is actually quite delicious, and the sticky rice packets (粽 local pronunciation: 'tsang') hit the spot. There's also oyster omelette (蚵仔煎 local pronunciation: 'o ah chien'). Bah oan (肉圓) are good too. If having the noodle soup, ask for half brisket half tendon (半筋半肉麵 'poaŋ kiṇ poaŋ bah mi'), avoid the three treasures version which also has tripe.
[NOTE: The place isn't entirely ruled by the 黑手黨 ('hei tsiu taŋ') or 竹聯幫 ('tsu lien pang'). So it represents one of the more democratic and enlightened societies in it's area.]
LU GANG SHIM-MI?
Bear in mind that the local people swear frightfully by HK standards, and those horrible tapioca balls in your tea are a fact of life. You might want to bring along a box of Rickshaw brand teabags (車仔紅茶包 'gu-kia ang-tê pow') to show them how it's done.
AFTERWORD
This post is for Adrian F. somewhere near Oxford, and Jerome O. south of Muddy Estuary, both of whom probably visited the place. And may have had language issues there.
Shi hok-tsap (是複雜).
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Thursday, March 25, 2021
A FAIRY LAND WITH REPTILES
As prompted by a suggestion on social media, I googled 'Florida man' followed by my birthday. Jackpot! "Florida Man decided to fly to Chicago to chop off his ex-girlfriend’s new lover’s penis and carved his initials in his leg."
Also:
"Florida man fed beer to a small alligator."
"Florida man hid packets of heroin and other drugs inside his 5-year-old’s shirt while police were executing a search warrant."
"Florida Man was arrested on multiple charges including bank fraud after using part of nearly $4 million in PPP loans to buy a Lamborghini and other high-end luxury items."
"Florida man was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill after allegedly throwing an alligator threw (stet) a fast-food chain’s drive-thru window."
Of course I'm jealous. They have alligators! It sounds like an impossibly romantic place! Almost like Australia, except with Murricans.
What could possibly be better?
Their amps go up to 11.
==========================================================================
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==========================================================================
Also:
"Florida man fed beer to a small alligator."
"Florida man hid packets of heroin and other drugs inside his 5-year-old’s shirt while police were executing a search warrant."
"Florida Man was arrested on multiple charges including bank fraud after using part of nearly $4 million in PPP loans to buy a Lamborghini and other high-end luxury items."
"Florida man was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill after allegedly throwing an alligator threw (stet) a fast-food chain’s drive-thru window."
Of course I'm jealous. They have alligators! It sounds like an impossibly romantic place! Almost like Australia, except with Murricans.
What could possibly be better?
Their amps go up to 11.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
THAT VACCINE
According to recent polls, more than forty percent of Republicans and up to 49% of Republican men will refuse the vaccine. And, given that Republicans tend to skew older, that means that for more of them the virus will be fatal or long-term debilitating.
Did I ever mention that I am not a Christian?
In many parts of Bible country wearing a mask is unusual, even frowned upon. And the vaccine is considered not only the devil's work, but also an insidious plot to subvert American manliness.
The San Francisco Bay Area is not Bible country, and overwhelmingly Democrat.
The insurrectionists on January 6 were mostly good Christians and Republicans.
People who refuse the vaccine will be more likely to catch Covid (and die).
Which will, in the long term, contribute to herd immunity.
So there is an upside to this.
I've been trying for five weeks to get the vaccine, ever since the City and County of San Francisco sent me an e-mail telling me that I may be elligible. Apparently I am not old enough or unhealthy enough, and I don't tend bar or children. A huge number of the people I know have gotten the vaccine -- which is pleasing, fewer funerals and memorial events to worry about -- and I have a ridiculous level of faith and hope that eventually San Francisco will grudgingly decide that my demographic (55 plus with health issues) also deserves it.
I do not know enough Christians or Republicans for funerals and memorial events to be much of a worry. Which is good; I'm lousy at such things.
"Do you remember the time he mistook the neighbor's bull for his mom? It very amusing, he ended up in handcuffs, covered in lipstick and mud, and his wife refused to bail him out for two whole weeks. Then he became chairman of the local Republican party. Of course, it was a mostly rural county ..... "
"She didn't bathe for several years because she was convinced there were listening devices in the shower heads."
"I remember him face down in pizza. Several times. A good churchgoer."
Somebody I have to deal with regularly is convinced that the vaccine implants a microchip.
I will neither attend his funeral nor any memorials for him, and his record collection is too shitty to covet. Only a few people will be there anyway. So it would be pointless.
By the way: pursuant a conversation with a good friend surrounded by the howling Republican Christians in Baaaaahbul Country, I should mention that grits and bourbon belong in the exotic foods aisle. Not at gas station convenience stores.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Did I ever mention that I am not a Christian?
In many parts of Bible country wearing a mask is unusual, even frowned upon. And the vaccine is considered not only the devil's work, but also an insidious plot to subvert American manliness.
The San Francisco Bay Area is not Bible country, and overwhelmingly Democrat.
The insurrectionists on January 6 were mostly good Christians and Republicans.
People who refuse the vaccine will be more likely to catch Covid (and die).
Which will, in the long term, contribute to herd immunity.
So there is an upside to this.
I've been trying for five weeks to get the vaccine, ever since the City and County of San Francisco sent me an e-mail telling me that I may be elligible. Apparently I am not old enough or unhealthy enough, and I don't tend bar or children. A huge number of the people I know have gotten the vaccine -- which is pleasing, fewer funerals and memorial events to worry about -- and I have a ridiculous level of faith and hope that eventually San Francisco will grudgingly decide that my demographic (55 plus with health issues) also deserves it.
I do not know enough Christians or Republicans for funerals and memorial events to be much of a worry. Which is good; I'm lousy at such things.
"Do you remember the time he mistook the neighbor's bull for his mom? It very amusing, he ended up in handcuffs, covered in lipstick and mud, and his wife refused to bail him out for two whole weeks. Then he became chairman of the local Republican party. Of course, it was a mostly rural county ..... "
"She didn't bathe for several years because she was convinced there were listening devices in the shower heads."
"I remember him face down in pizza. Several times. A good churchgoer."
Somebody I have to deal with regularly is convinced that the vaccine implants a microchip.
I will neither attend his funeral nor any memorials for him, and his record collection is too shitty to covet. Only a few people will be there anyway. So it would be pointless.
By the way: pursuant a conversation with a good friend surrounded by the howling Republican Christians in Baaaaahbul Country, I should mention that grits and bourbon belong in the exotic foods aisle. Not at gas station convenience stores.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
THINKING AHEAD
In another few days it will be Passover (starts Saturday March 27, ends Sunday April 4), and in one more week, Easter (Sunday April 4). Which is also Ching Ming, tomb sweeping day. Being rather irrelegious and white, I am not vested in any of these observances. Years ago I paid attention to Passover, but not being Jewish it was a priviledge, not an obligation.
And Easter simply means bunnies.
Or egg salad. Chop hardboiled eggs. Mix with a little mayo and olive oil. Add paprika and cayenne, as if for devilled eggs. Plus some minced celery to take up the excess mayo.
Eat on fresh hot toast.
Or invite the entire neighborhood over for an egg salad feast. It's an old American tradition.
I already know what I'm eating for lunch at work on Sunday April 4.
Ideally, if you chop the boiled egg too fine and therefore need to use extra mayonnaise, you will glop it onto cooked asparagus, with or without a little smoked salmon or minced dry ham.
This is just a suggestion, of course. Feel free to stuff yourself with Peeps, mediocre chocolate, and whole harboiled eggs instead. And hide some for the little children on the lawn to step in.
As with all religious festivals, digestive issues are important.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
And Easter simply means bunnies.
Or egg salad. Chop hardboiled eggs. Mix with a little mayo and olive oil. Add paprika and cayenne, as if for devilled eggs. Plus some minced celery to take up the excess mayo.
Eat on fresh hot toast.
Or invite the entire neighborhood over for an egg salad feast. It's an old American tradition.
I already know what I'm eating for lunch at work on Sunday April 4.
Ideally, if you chop the boiled egg too fine and therefore need to use extra mayonnaise, you will glop it onto cooked asparagus, with or without a little smoked salmon or minced dry ham.
This is just a suggestion, of course. Feel free to stuff yourself with Peeps, mediocre chocolate, and whole harboiled eggs instead. And hide some for the little children on the lawn to step in.
As with all religious festivals, digestive issues are important.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Wednesday, March 24, 2021
IN LIEU OF SMALL TALK
It took me over six years to substantially recover from my relationship breaking up ten years ago. My apartment mate seems to have entirely recovered from her breakup with WB two years ago. From which we can deduce that she is more flexible and resilient than I am.
Or more likely that I am more neurotic. If not neuro-typical.
Whatever the case, I still like women. I just haven't pursued the matter.
Maybe as many as fifty percent of my favourite people are women.
That may have something to do with my distaste for sports.
Football and baseball are boring spectacles.
Women are less likely to engage one in ridiculous conversations about "the team" than many men. I do not have any favourite teams. Well, Ajax, the Amsterdam soccer team is sort of a candidate, if only because I have an affection for Amsterdam. But I haven't followed their progress, nor exulted over their victories or lamented their defeats.
Do not ask me to name any of their players.
If I had a choice of genders to share a room with, I could choose either.
During sports season however it might more likely be the other.
Years ago my brother Tobias and I would spend the entire evening in the room off the courtyard in near-complete silence. Him with his books and the chess board replaying the moves of the masters, analysing and understanding their game, me happily reading about the conquistadors spreading disease to the Aztecs, or Charlemagne and Elegast burglarizing a nobleman's castle (from which we might learn to never trust your brother-in-law).
The cats occasionally kept us company.
The occasional click of chess pieces, the turning of pages, a clink from my teacup and saucer, and the striking of a match to light my pipe were, often, the only sounds.
Talking and communicating aren't always the same.
I am not a very sociable man. I miss smoking my pipe while indoors reading and drinking tea, and the sound of chesspieces from across the table. I miss the cats. And I miss non-speaking.
The Covid lockdown has not affected me very much. I do not miss long conversations about nothing, and I do not miss being around hordes of people. Sometimes I miss having lunch at favourite places with a cup of milk tea. But a pipe and a walk afterwards always beckoned.
And I was free to leave at any time, having eaten alone.
There is no pressure to be social.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Or more likely that I am more neurotic. If not neuro-typical.
Whatever the case, I still like women. I just haven't pursued the matter.
Maybe as many as fifty percent of my favourite people are women.
That may have something to do with my distaste for sports.
Football and baseball are boring spectacles.
Women are less likely to engage one in ridiculous conversations about "the team" than many men. I do not have any favourite teams. Well, Ajax, the Amsterdam soccer team is sort of a candidate, if only because I have an affection for Amsterdam. But I haven't followed their progress, nor exulted over their victories or lamented their defeats.
Do not ask me to name any of their players.
If I had a choice of genders to share a room with, I could choose either.
During sports season however it might more likely be the other.
Years ago my brother Tobias and I would spend the entire evening in the room off the courtyard in near-complete silence. Him with his books and the chess board replaying the moves of the masters, analysing and understanding their game, me happily reading about the conquistadors spreading disease to the Aztecs, or Charlemagne and Elegast burglarizing a nobleman's castle (from which we might learn to never trust your brother-in-law).
The cats occasionally kept us company.
The occasional click of chess pieces, the turning of pages, a clink from my teacup and saucer, and the striking of a match to light my pipe were, often, the only sounds.
Talking and communicating aren't always the same.
I am not a very sociable man. I miss smoking my pipe while indoors reading and drinking tea, and the sound of chesspieces from across the table. I miss the cats. And I miss non-speaking.
The Covid lockdown has not affected me very much. I do not miss long conversations about nothing, and I do not miss being around hordes of people. Sometimes I miss having lunch at favourite places with a cup of milk tea. But a pipe and a walk afterwards always beckoned.
And I was free to leave at any time, having eaten alone.
There is no pressure to be social.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
AND IT SHOULD BE ALL VEGAN!
Today I need to head over to Chinatown again, because the grocery store where I shop was closed yesterday. They're a source of coffee, coconut milk, Meltyblend chocolate, tea, noodles, hot sauce, sambal, curry paste, adzuki beans, dried shrimp, and various other necessities. Also, they have a good selection of dumplings in the freezer. A man must have his dumplings. They're affiliated in some way with the place across the street that has dried fish.
The women who run the place are very nice, and know what they're doing. I suspect that they are strong minded and stubborn, because their store is flourishing, well-stocked, bustling.
Very capable women.
I don't know if they speak English. I've never needed to use that there. Did have a slight problem the first time I needed to buy coconut milk, which I found out was yeh naai (椰奶), not yeh tsap (椰汁), which is coconut juice.
I suspect Trader Joe's and Whole Foods also have such things as coconut milk and noodles, or interesting freezer goods. The one time I had Chinese dumplings from Joe's it was because someone had given frozen dumplings to my apartment mate, and at least one of us had to try these things marketed with spirituality to white people.
I'm white, so it was me.
They weren't too bad.
I'm also a Dutchman (that is to say, I was raised in the Netherlands; we moved over there when I was two, and I am largely of Dutch American ancestry). So I'm a frightful cynic, a cheapskate, opportunistic, and I have an accent.
Consequently I do not like paying ten times too much for my staples, I do not particularly care that it was lovingly harvested by Zen nuns high in the Andes in touch with nature, my peanut butter tastes much better if it was not sourced from a precious non-GMO farm or invested with meaningfulness, and I really need to point out that in Chinatown no one has ever made me feel self-conscious or ill at ease because of my accent or my diction, whether in English or in Cantonese. Or Dutch. There used to be a store run by Chinese from Suriname there.
They spoke Dutch.
Plus the prices of the merchandise in most Chinese stores are not based on romantic fantasies or spiritual values. And there is a greater variety of things I want to buy. Some people might not find what they want there, because probably not a single shop stocks gluten-free guarana goji berry oatmeal non dairy icecream ........ lovingly churned by Zen nuns high in the Andes on a non-GMO farm invested with meaningfulness and in touch with nature.
My ability in Cantonese does have limits. I have no idea how to say "do you have Zen nun made gluten-free guarana goji berry oatmeal non dairy icecream from the Andes?"
At least not in a way that communicates.
你哋有冇安第斯山禪宗尼姑做嘅無麵筋瓜拿納同枸杞子雪糕嗎?
['nei dei yau mou on-daai-si saan sin-jung nei-gu jor-ge mou-min-gan gwaa-naa-naap tung gau-gei-ji suet gou ma']
You have to ask yourself two things.
1) Even if your pronunciation of "nei dei yau mou on-daai-si saan sin-jung nei-gu jor-ge mou-min-gan gwaa-naa-naap tung gau-gei-ji suet-gou ma" was, hypothetically, one hundred percent correct, would the listener have enough context and familiarity with San Francisco yuppiedom and its cultural praeconceptiva to understand any part of that? Or will he throw you out of the store because you're a pretentious dickwad?
2) How badly do you want Zen nun made gluten-free guarana goji berry oatmeal non dairy ice cream from the Andes? Do you actually care that it's lovingly made and invested with meaning? Do you, in fact, even want it at all?
Are you a pretentious dickwad?
Actually, I think I'd like some 黑米粥 ('hak maai juk') instead. I can find the fixings there. I like a version with pears or apples (苹果黑米粥). Rinse roughly equal parts black and white 米 before simmering with eight times the volume water to the nearly falling apart stage, then add fresh or canned apples or pears and their syrup or sugar to taste, simmer a while longer. It can also be made with coconut milk, or red bean puree. And canned peaches are not a bad idea either.
In Brabant we made something quite similar with pearl barley and dried fruits.
Remarkably, Andean zen nuns who karmically invest their lovingly turned out spiritually uplifting non-GMO foodstuffs with meaning have no accents at all. They sound just like Americans!
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
The women who run the place are very nice, and know what they're doing. I suspect that they are strong minded and stubborn, because their store is flourishing, well-stocked, bustling.
Very capable women.
I don't know if they speak English. I've never needed to use that there. Did have a slight problem the first time I needed to buy coconut milk, which I found out was yeh naai (椰奶), not yeh tsap (椰汁), which is coconut juice.
I suspect Trader Joe's and Whole Foods also have such things as coconut milk and noodles, or interesting freezer goods. The one time I had Chinese dumplings from Joe's it was because someone had given frozen dumplings to my apartment mate, and at least one of us had to try these things marketed with spirituality to white people.
I'm white, so it was me.
They weren't too bad.
I'm also a Dutchman (that is to say, I was raised in the Netherlands; we moved over there when I was two, and I am largely of Dutch American ancestry). So I'm a frightful cynic, a cheapskate, opportunistic, and I have an accent.
Consequently I do not like paying ten times too much for my staples, I do not particularly care that it was lovingly harvested by Zen nuns high in the Andes in touch with nature, my peanut butter tastes much better if it was not sourced from a precious non-GMO farm or invested with meaningfulness, and I really need to point out that in Chinatown no one has ever made me feel self-conscious or ill at ease because of my accent or my diction, whether in English or in Cantonese. Or Dutch. There used to be a store run by Chinese from Suriname there.
They spoke Dutch.
Plus the prices of the merchandise in most Chinese stores are not based on romantic fantasies or spiritual values. And there is a greater variety of things I want to buy. Some people might not find what they want there, because probably not a single shop stocks gluten-free guarana goji berry oatmeal non dairy icecream ........ lovingly churned by Zen nuns high in the Andes on a non-GMO farm invested with meaningfulness and in touch with nature.
My ability in Cantonese does have limits. I have no idea how to say "do you have Zen nun made gluten-free guarana goji berry oatmeal non dairy icecream from the Andes?"
At least not in a way that communicates.
你哋有冇安第斯山禪宗尼姑做嘅無麵筋瓜拿納同枸杞子雪糕嗎?
['nei dei yau mou on-daai-si saan sin-jung nei-gu jor-ge mou-min-gan gwaa-naa-naap tung gau-gei-ji suet gou ma']
You have to ask yourself two things.
1) Even if your pronunciation of "nei dei yau mou on-daai-si saan sin-jung nei-gu jor-ge mou-min-gan gwaa-naa-naap tung gau-gei-ji suet-gou ma" was, hypothetically, one hundred percent correct, would the listener have enough context and familiarity with San Francisco yuppiedom and its cultural praeconceptiva to understand any part of that? Or will he throw you out of the store because you're a pretentious dickwad?
2) How badly do you want Zen nun made gluten-free guarana goji berry oatmeal non dairy ice cream from the Andes? Do you actually care that it's lovingly made and invested with meaning? Do you, in fact, even want it at all?
Are you a pretentious dickwad?
Actually, I think I'd like some 黑米粥 ('hak maai juk') instead. I can find the fixings there. I like a version with pears or apples (苹果黑米粥). Rinse roughly equal parts black and white 米 before simmering with eight times the volume water to the nearly falling apart stage, then add fresh or canned apples or pears and their syrup or sugar to taste, simmer a while longer. It can also be made with coconut milk, or red bean puree. And canned peaches are not a bad idea either.
In Brabant we made something quite similar with pearl barley and dried fruits.
Remarkably, Andean zen nuns who karmically invest their lovingly turned out spiritually uplifting non-GMO foodstuffs with meaning have no accents at all. They sound just like Americans!
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Tuesday, March 23, 2021
JUST ANOTHER DAY
One person took issue with the sometimes negative tone of this blog recently. "No one wants to read all that angry [deleted], man, stop being so [deleted] dark about everything! Write something upbeat, say something [deleted] whorthwhile occasionally!"
Okay. Your mother loves you. There.
That should do it for the year.
In that vein, I shall not say anything at all about the Colorado shooter (couldn't have happened to a nicer state), or the paranoid conspiracy nutball (Larry Lee Harris, 66, from Wilcox, Arizona) who stopped a Texas National Guard convoy transporting Covid 19 vaccines because he was convinced that they were abducting children for the Democrat sex trade.
Nope. Won't say a damned thing.
This is America. We're all normal here. None of us are letting down the side.
If anything, this page is all about sweetness and light.
Mentally disturbed people need guns.
The kindly words of a victim of a brazen and brutal daylight robbery a few blocks away are now more uplifting and relevant than ever. "I know it’s hard now but we need to get back and have people in work and school so they are productively occupied."
-----Clarisse (Asian woman attacked while walking home from church)
I likewise think that we need them in school so the little darlings aren't dangerous.
I envision a future where ALL Americans have learned to read and write.
Plus arithmetic! Think of the wonders that will ensue!
And critical thinking!
Eventually, perhaps, a civilized society will result.
I am hopeful and upbeat about the possibility.
Positive and worthwhile message till then: Believe in Malthusianism. Also believe in cigarettes, cholesterol, alcohol, carbon monoxide, masturbation, the Arts Council, nuclear weapons, the Daily Telegraph, and not properly labeling fatal poisons, but, above all else, most of all, believe in the ONE thing that can come out of people's mouths: vomit!"
[Philip E. Marlow, in The Singing Detective.]
And your mother loves you.
Go on, have a donut.
You deserve it.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Okay. Your mother loves you. There.
That should do it for the year.
In that vein, I shall not say anything at all about the Colorado shooter (couldn't have happened to a nicer state), or the paranoid conspiracy nutball (Larry Lee Harris, 66, from Wilcox, Arizona) who stopped a Texas National Guard convoy transporting Covid 19 vaccines because he was convinced that they were abducting children for the Democrat sex trade.
Nope. Won't say a damned thing.
This is America. We're all normal here. None of us are letting down the side.
If anything, this page is all about sweetness and light.
Mentally disturbed people need guns.
The kindly words of a victim of a brazen and brutal daylight robbery a few blocks away are now more uplifting and relevant than ever. "I know it’s hard now but we need to get back and have people in work and school so they are productively occupied."
-----Clarisse (Asian woman attacked while walking home from church)
I likewise think that we need them in school so the little darlings aren't dangerous.
I envision a future where ALL Americans have learned to read and write.
Plus arithmetic! Think of the wonders that will ensue!
And critical thinking!
Eventually, perhaps, a civilized society will result.
I am hopeful and upbeat about the possibility.
Positive and worthwhile message till then: Believe in Malthusianism. Also believe in cigarettes, cholesterol, alcohol, carbon monoxide, masturbation, the Arts Council, nuclear weapons, the Daily Telegraph, and not properly labeling fatal poisons, but, above all else, most of all, believe in the ONE thing that can come out of people's mouths: vomit!"
[Philip E. Marlow, in The Singing Detective.]
And your mother loves you.
Go on, have a donut.
You deserve it.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
LAUNDROMATS AND BOVINE AFFINITIES
Underneath a recent post by a local politician for whom I voted, a loyalist Taiwanese troll defended calling it the Wuhan Virus. Unaware that when whitey goes all racist, he won't spot the Taiwanese flag pin on her lapel but will instead see her face. Same with many Vietnamese Americans.
Far be it from me as a white male to tell her she's a stupid cow.
But you realize that she is a stupid cow of course.
I can imagine her getting into arguments with people, telling them "don't beat up me, for I am a Taiwanese. Beat up those people, they are Chinese". Perhaps the Kuomintang insistence that they are China, more China than China, has fallen by the wayside a bit.
Don't worry, it will resurface once all this has died down.
I don't think those three cretins from Antioch who came to San Francisco recently and beat up an old man in a laundromat even asked whether he was a Mainlander or a Taiwanese. The old lady who fought back on Market Street? A mainlander, but that isn't really germaine.
The aged Thai gentleman killed recently was neither.
Giving them all a Taiwanese flag lapel pin would not have helped.
Perhaps the local Kuomintang office thinks differently.
As an American of Dutch descent (my first American ancestor landed in New Amsterdam in 1630), naturally you will understand that I do not care whether you are Swedish, Danish, Prussian, or Norwegian. You all look alike, and you all poached in my people's herring fishing grounds. Perhaps I should beat you up in a laundromat. Oh, you're English? A traditional rival nation as regards the imperialist exploitation of the world for two centuries. We fought three wars against you people. Laundromat! French or German? Napoleon and Hitler! Laundromat! Irish? Catholic? Laundromat!
Heck, it's been four decades at least since the Netherlands won the World Cup. So all of you Brazilians get in the damned laundromat!
In 1661 the Taiwanese kicked us out of our possession in Anping (Fort Zeelandia: 熱蘭遮城). Then raped Dutch women. We have a bone to pick with that lot. Screw them. Most especially that stupid cow.
NOTE: One must also carefully distinguish between loyalist Hokkiens (Indonesia, especially Sumatra), treacherous Hokkiens (Philippines, Manila), and rebel Hokkiens (Formosa).
So perhaps we should give them a choice of laundromats.
You European Americans don't get that choice. You're all fish-poaching bastards anyway.
And many of you are Catholic, Lutheran, or Anabaptist.
==========================================================================
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LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
But you realize that she is a stupid cow of course.
I can imagine her getting into arguments with people, telling them "don't beat up me, for I am a Taiwanese. Beat up those people, they are Chinese". Perhaps the Kuomintang insistence that they are China, more China than China, has fallen by the wayside a bit.
Don't worry, it will resurface once all this has died down.
I don't think those three cretins from Antioch who came to San Francisco recently and beat up an old man in a laundromat even asked whether he was a Mainlander or a Taiwanese. The old lady who fought back on Market Street? A mainlander, but that isn't really germaine.
The aged Thai gentleman killed recently was neither.
Giving them all a Taiwanese flag lapel pin would not have helped.
Perhaps the local Kuomintang office thinks differently.
As an American of Dutch descent (my first American ancestor landed in New Amsterdam in 1630), naturally you will understand that I do not care whether you are Swedish, Danish, Prussian, or Norwegian. You all look alike, and you all poached in my people's herring fishing grounds. Perhaps I should beat you up in a laundromat. Oh, you're English? A traditional rival nation as regards the imperialist exploitation of the world for two centuries. We fought three wars against you people. Laundromat! French or German? Napoleon and Hitler! Laundromat! Irish? Catholic? Laundromat!
Heck, it's been four decades at least since the Netherlands won the World Cup. So all of you Brazilians get in the damned laundromat!
FORT ZEELANDIA
Source: Wikipedia
In 1661 the Taiwanese kicked us out of our possession in Anping (Fort Zeelandia: 熱蘭遮城). Then raped Dutch women. We have a bone to pick with that lot. Screw them. Most especially that stupid cow.
NOTE: One must also carefully distinguish between loyalist Hokkiens (Indonesia, especially Sumatra), treacherous Hokkiens (Philippines, Manila), and rebel Hokkiens (Formosa).
So perhaps we should give them a choice of laundromats.
You European Americans don't get that choice. You're all fish-poaching bastards anyway.
And many of you are Catholic, Lutheran, or Anabaptist.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Monday, March 22, 2021
WARNING: MAY CONTAIN NUT
Recently I mentioned that I did not like going over to Trader Joe's or Whole Foods because they did not have what I want. Which I detailed as being yauchoi, fu qua, Honey Loquat Candy, Lee Kum Kee curry sauce, hot sauce, sambal, single potatoes, Meltyblend chocolates, lobak, charsiu turnovers, egg tarts, Kwan Miao noodles, and cheung fan.
I'm from the planet Koozebane and I want my native foods.
One of which is Meiji confectionery.
At least one box of this every week. It's yummy.
If you want to see something really zesty and erotic, look up Koozebanian Mating Ritual on youtube. Warning: adult content AND National Geographic approved.
See, neither Trader Joe's nor Wholefoods cary Meltyblend chocolates, firstly because they discriminate against Koozebanians, and secondly because they cater specifically to Yuppies, who want to knew exactly what the cacao percentage is, whether it has gluten, and was it made using all green fair trade recycled feel goods.
Yuppies like percentages, oatmeal and tofu.
They're fundamentally dull.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
I'm from the planet Koozebane and I want my native foods.
One of which is Meiji confectionery.
At least one box of this every week. It's yummy.
If you want to see something really zesty and erotic, look up Koozebanian Mating Ritual on youtube. Warning: adult content AND National Geographic approved.
See, neither Trader Joe's nor Wholefoods cary Meltyblend chocolates, firstly because they discriminate against Koozebanians, and secondly because they cater specifically to Yuppies, who want to knew exactly what the cacao percentage is, whether it has gluten, and was it made using all green fair trade recycled feel goods.
Yuppies like percentages, oatmeal and tofu.
They're fundamentally dull.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
THE TONGUES
Probably the most amusing thing on the interwebs today was from a Rabbi among my friends, one of several rabbonim / rebbe'im. Who teaches at a yeshiva. Schwerre zache, mostly advanced subject material, not for kleine kinder.
Dear students talking to each other in Hebrew to avoid being understood by me
Why did you think this would work?
Sincerely,
The rabbi in the room
This is like the students in one of my highschool classes when I lived in the Netherlands using German (learned in that same school) for that purpose. German and Dutch are, of course, fairly closely related. Note: Amsterdam Yiddish was even less successful. For other reasons.
And I am, naturally, reminded of Dutch tourists in this city talking smack. Assuming that no one understood them. Besides myself there are at least seven other Dutch speakers in this neighborhood. Four of whom are Chinese from Suriname.
This is a polyglottal city.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==============================================
Dear students talking to each other in Hebrew to avoid being understood by me
Why did you think this would work?
Sincerely,
The rabbi in the room
This is like the students in one of my highschool classes when I lived in the Netherlands using German (learned in that same school) for that purpose. German and Dutch are, of course, fairly closely related. Note: Amsterdam Yiddish was even less successful. For other reasons.
And I am, naturally, reminded of Dutch tourists in this city talking smack. Assuming that no one understood them. Besides myself there are at least seven other Dutch speakers in this neighborhood. Four of whom are Chinese from Suriname.
This is a polyglottal city.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==============================================
Sunday, March 21, 2021
DEMOGRAPHIC VACCINE SELECTION
What we can learn from San Francisco's vaccine allocations is that single white men between fifty five and sixty five years old are not considered worthwhile to society.
We are absolutely and completely expendable.
E-mail I received from the City and County of San Francisco on February 24th. below:
Thanks for signing up for notifications about the COVID-19 vaccine. Based on what you told us, you are eligible to get the vaccine.
We've opened high volume vaccination sites, which have a limited number of appointments available. Vaccinations are free and you do not need insurance.
[Embedded link] Get vaccinated against COVID-19
Even if you are eligible, there may not be an appointment available right now. Please be patient. Keep checking for available appointments.
[Embedded link] Get more information on the COVID-19 vaccine in San Francisco.
Thank you,
City and County of San Francisco
Dear City and County of San Francisco. I've tried to get the bloody vaccine for four weeks now. No dice. But every damned bartender I know, as well as street people and many other non-essential personell, seems to have already gotten it, or be in line to get it.
Perhaps that's because my particular demographic (SWM 55-65) is only useful to society as recipients of opprobrium -- apparently we are what's wrong with the world -- or as targets for beer advertising, erectile dysfunction meds, little purple pill pitches, or opportunistic pleas for funding from Republican politicians running for office. So the playing field is not even. You cannot claim that we're all getting a fair crack.
You know something, dear City and County of San Francisco? They never should have put you in charge of vaccine distribution. Y'all suck at it.
This past week alone nearly three dozen of my social media friends and contacts have happily mentioned that they're getting the vaccine. It's good to know that I have friends and contacts who now stand far less chance of dying of the Republican virus.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
We are absolutely and completely expendable.
E-mail I received from the City and County of San Francisco on February 24th. below:
Thanks for signing up for notifications about the COVID-19 vaccine. Based on what you told us, you are eligible to get the vaccine.
We've opened high volume vaccination sites, which have a limited number of appointments available. Vaccinations are free and you do not need insurance.
[Embedded link] Get vaccinated against COVID-19
Even if you are eligible, there may not be an appointment available right now. Please be patient. Keep checking for available appointments.
[Embedded link] Get more information on the COVID-19 vaccine in San Francisco.
Thank you,
City and County of San Francisco
Dear City and County of San Francisco. I've tried to get the bloody vaccine for four weeks now. No dice. But every damned bartender I know, as well as street people and many other non-essential personell, seems to have already gotten it, or be in line to get it.
Perhaps that's because my particular demographic (SWM 55-65) is only useful to society as recipients of opprobrium -- apparently we are what's wrong with the world -- or as targets for beer advertising, erectile dysfunction meds, little purple pill pitches, or opportunistic pleas for funding from Republican politicians running for office. So the playing field is not even. You cannot claim that we're all getting a fair crack.
You know something, dear City and County of San Francisco? They never should have put you in charge of vaccine distribution. Y'all suck at it.
This past week alone nearly three dozen of my social media friends and contacts have happily mentioned that they're getting the vaccine. It's good to know that I have friends and contacts who now stand far less chance of dying of the Republican virus.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
GILLIGAN, DROP THOSE COCONUTS!
On one of the pipe forums, someone asked what everyone's desert isle tobacco, book, music, and videographic entertainment (movie, teevee show, music) would be. Now of course I hate questions like that! Not because they're probing and too personal, but because a simple response is insufficient, and therefor inaccurate and misleading.
1) Astley's No. 109 Medium Flake.
2) Indian Food: A Historical Companion, by K. T. Achaya.
3) Aufstieg und Fall der Stadt Mahagonny, By Bertold Brecht & Kurt Weill.
ONE: and also Doblone D'Oro, Brown Clunee, Orlik's Golden Sliced, and several others.
TWO: Add the three hundred poems of the Tang Dynasty to that, as well as several books by Simenon and Johan Fabricius, plus the Collected Short Stories of O'Henry, the complete Saki (H. H. Munro), as well as about a crate or two of other books. Plus my dictionaries, of course.
THREE: Yeah, that's about it. I'm perfectly content with the same opera over and over again.
My apartment mate, presently dozing with the stuffed animals in her room, would have the following selection:
1) No tobacco whatsoever, ick poo and p'tuie p'tuie.
2) Brideshead Revisited, AND A Tree Grows In Brooklyn.
3) Valley of the Dolls.
And that, of course, brings up an old joke. Two Dutchmen give their rescuers a tour of the desert island where they've been marooned for several years. "This is my church, which I built from scratch, and that is his church, which he built from scratch". What about that church over there? "Oh, that's the church neither one of us would be caught dead in. Damned heretics."
You get the idea.
It takes a flexible and unique person to be stuck on a desert island.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
1) Astley's No. 109 Medium Flake.
2) Indian Food: A Historical Companion, by K. T. Achaya.
3) Aufstieg und Fall der Stadt Mahagonny, By Bertold Brecht & Kurt Weill.
ONE: and also Doblone D'Oro, Brown Clunee, Orlik's Golden Sliced, and several others.
TWO: Add the three hundred poems of the Tang Dynasty to that, as well as several books by Simenon and Johan Fabricius, plus the Collected Short Stories of O'Henry, the complete Saki (H. H. Munro), as well as about a crate or two of other books. Plus my dictionaries, of course.
THREE: Yeah, that's about it. I'm perfectly content with the same opera over and over again.
My apartment mate, presently dozing with the stuffed animals in her room, would have the following selection:
1) No tobacco whatsoever, ick poo and p'tuie p'tuie.
2) Brideshead Revisited, AND A Tree Grows In Brooklyn.
3) Valley of the Dolls.
And that, of course, brings up an old joke. Two Dutchmen give their rescuers a tour of the desert island where they've been marooned for several years. "This is my church, which I built from scratch, and that is his church, which he built from scratch". What about that church over there? "Oh, that's the church neither one of us would be caught dead in. Damned heretics."
You get the idea.
It takes a flexible and unique person to be stuck on a desert island.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Saturday, March 20, 2021
SHERLOCK HOLMES: A PRETENTIOUS SMARTY-PANTS DRUG ADDICT
There are presently five briars waiting at my work station to clean up and rehabilitate. I would have dealt with them today, but I was working with one of our more idiosyncratic fellows.
Which, you must understand, puts limitations on what I can do or undertake.
Shan't say anymore except to remark that his worldview is unique.
My own weltanschauung is not thus. I am a dreadfully normal man. Fairly scientifically and medically literate, and not given to novel reinterpretations of reality to match my own fond praeconceptions. Possibly because I am considerably younger and the treads on my brain haven't worn off.
That goes double as regards some of the regulars yacking on the porch.
They're mostly my age, but you wouldn't think so.
Mental rigour mortis. This pipe is probably the most eccentric thing I own. And it is unusual. Ropp was known for cherry wood pipes, it was rare that they ventured into Erica Arborea burl. At one time every university man, especially one majoring in history, classical literature, or philosophy, had a cherry wood. Along with at least one good briar, and possibly a Calabash pipe.
Calabash pipes have become quite rare since Turkey imposed an export ban on uncarved meerschaum, and now manufactures the bowl inserts. Technically perfect, but practically unsmokable. They don't understand the concept of a narrow normal size hole with only the slightest of tapers. And the gourd itself is now seldom grown with the pegs placed to develop the right shape. Also, plastic shank extensions (so that a mouthpiece can be fitted snugly), are an abomination that uglifies the whole. Wood should be used. But a good calabash can be a delightful piece of equipment. A well made calabash with correctly fitted and proportioned parts is something to treasure. It can be used with stronger tobaccos, because the air chamber mellows the smoke, and if the bowl is meerschaum or a similar porous material it bears repeated fills over an entire afternoon of swatting Suetonius during rainy weather. Or James Joyce. It's up to you.
I remember several winter afternoons at my grandmother's house in Berkeley, going through cans of Rattray's Black Mallory or Highland Targe (both full Latakia tobacco mixtures) at a fairly rapid clip. I hope she didn't mind. Maybe it reminded her of my dad and my uncle (living in Holland and Canada respectively).
Sherlock Holmes, by the way, never smoked a calabash; the books speak of a cherry wood, a black briar, and a clay pipe. The calabash is a stage and film convention that makes him more recognizable and more eccentric. And let's face it, Sherlock Holmes is a bloody bore anyway, and the stories are very silly.
I haven't smoked either my cherry woods or my calabashes in a while.
Briars are more thoughtful and more practical.
Also more discreet.
I am reminded of an old photograph of my father. Black and white, with correct lighting. He's at his desk, turned to face the camera, with a briar pipe by Comoy, Lovatt shape. He was younger in that photograph than when I knew him. It was probably taken only a few years after his stint flying bombers over Germany. Possibly after he had become an aeronautical engineer.
But I know he also had a calabash. I remember him smoking it.
He may have at one point also had a cherry wood.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Which, you must understand, puts limitations on what I can do or undertake.
Shan't say anymore except to remark that his worldview is unique.
My own weltanschauung is not thus. I am a dreadfully normal man. Fairly scientifically and medically literate, and not given to novel reinterpretations of reality to match my own fond praeconceptions. Possibly because I am considerably younger and the treads on my brain haven't worn off.
That goes double as regards some of the regulars yacking on the porch.
They're mostly my age, but you wouldn't think so.
Mental rigour mortis. This pipe is probably the most eccentric thing I own. And it is unusual. Ropp was known for cherry wood pipes, it was rare that they ventured into Erica Arborea burl. At one time every university man, especially one majoring in history, classical literature, or philosophy, had a cherry wood. Along with at least one good briar, and possibly a Calabash pipe.
Calabash pipes have become quite rare since Turkey imposed an export ban on uncarved meerschaum, and now manufactures the bowl inserts. Technically perfect, but practically unsmokable. They don't understand the concept of a narrow normal size hole with only the slightest of tapers. And the gourd itself is now seldom grown with the pegs placed to develop the right shape. Also, plastic shank extensions (so that a mouthpiece can be fitted snugly), are an abomination that uglifies the whole. Wood should be used. But a good calabash can be a delightful piece of equipment. A well made calabash with correctly fitted and proportioned parts is something to treasure. It can be used with stronger tobaccos, because the air chamber mellows the smoke, and if the bowl is meerschaum or a similar porous material it bears repeated fills over an entire afternoon of swatting Suetonius during rainy weather. Or James Joyce. It's up to you.
I remember several winter afternoons at my grandmother's house in Berkeley, going through cans of Rattray's Black Mallory or Highland Targe (both full Latakia tobacco mixtures) at a fairly rapid clip. I hope she didn't mind. Maybe it reminded her of my dad and my uncle (living in Holland and Canada respectively).
Sherlock Holmes, by the way, never smoked a calabash; the books speak of a cherry wood, a black briar, and a clay pipe. The calabash is a stage and film convention that makes him more recognizable and more eccentric. And let's face it, Sherlock Holmes is a bloody bore anyway, and the stories are very silly.
I haven't smoked either my cherry woods or my calabashes in a while.
Briars are more thoughtful and more practical.
Also more discreet.
I am reminded of an old photograph of my father. Black and white, with correct lighting. He's at his desk, turned to face the camera, with a briar pipe by Comoy, Lovatt shape. He was younger in that photograph than when I knew him. It was probably taken only a few years after his stint flying bombers over Germany. Possibly after he had become an aeronautical engineer.
But I know he also had a calabash. I remember him smoking it.
He may have at one point also had a cherry wood.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Friday, March 19, 2021
DELICIOUS, DELICIOUS!
Like any sane man angry about the present state of the country, I spent the last two hours of the evening listening to war music and reading about octopusses. Because octopusses are much more admirable than my fellow citizens at this point. And I for one would welcome our octopodal overlords. Sometimes, like Kent Brockman, I wonder if it's time to start cracking skulls open and feasting upon the delicious goo inside.
Most of the country smells bad and eats too much.
And their mom dresses them funny. War songs sound excellent when sung by a woman. Kiritan AI (pictured above) does a stellar rendition of not only Hohei no Honryo, but also the British Grenadiers.
If the eight legged squishy aliens invade, they could far worse than to broadcast in a voice like hers. "Bow down, worthless humans, and bring us fish!"
Then they would reward us with goo.
Delicious, delicious goo.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Most of the country smells bad and eats too much.
And their mom dresses them funny. War songs sound excellent when sung by a woman. Kiritan AI (pictured above) does a stellar rendition of not only Hohei no Honryo, but also the British Grenadiers.
If the eight legged squishy aliens invade, they could far worse than to broadcast in a voice like hers. "Bow down, worthless humans, and bring us fish!"
Then they would reward us with goo.
Delicious, delicious goo.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Thursday, March 18, 2021
TEA TIME, INCLEMENT WEATHER, TRUTH
Lunch (breakfast), as you would expect, involved Sriracha hotsauce. Which is a fundamental condiment that no kitchen should be without. If it weren't for me, there would be no hot sauce in this apartment I share with another person, and in fact it might not ever smell pleasantly of chilipeppers, curry, or fish sauce, on ocassion. It might not even smell of lemon grass or galangal. Or very faintly of pipe tobacco. It would smell like her room. Clean.
Much of the time I smoke outdoors. Even on rainy days like today. One has to show a certain amount of consideration for others.
It's bad enough that I smoke. But it is an excellent thing to let the place air out for several hours before a non-smoker returns home. Which is an hour or so after tea time, so after one o'clock one goes outside to indulge. Or in the early morning before she leaves for the day.
Sometimes smokers can be decent human beings.
The pipe shown in the drawing above is one I restored quite a while back. The previous owner had caked and tarred it up over the years, chewed through the stem, and horribly abused the poor dear. Conceivably, as a human being, he left some things to be desired.
I've never understood people who maltreat their briars. If you treat it well and clean it once in a while it will give you many years of service, providing pleasure often when you most need it. Nor will it lay around stinking up your quarters when not in use.
There are quite a few rescue-pipes in my collection.
Over on the Zuckerbergian side of the internet someone posted a picture of Che Guevara smoking a pipe. Che Guevara, as you probably know, was a psychopath; murderous, and a despicable piece of filth. Which some people pointed out. Various pipesmokers promptly leapt to his defense, as pipesmokers are all kindly avuncular types incapable of nastiness. In fact, pipesmokers are all Hobbits.
Positively Tolkienesque.
I personally know several pipesmokers who are blistering bastards.
Toxic individuals who suck the life out of any party.
That's not just a comment on their pipes.
It beastly wet outside, and cold.
I shall need a heavy coat.
And an umbrella.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Much of the time I smoke outdoors. Even on rainy days like today. One has to show a certain amount of consideration for others.
It's bad enough that I smoke. But it is an excellent thing to let the place air out for several hours before a non-smoker returns home. Which is an hour or so after tea time, so after one o'clock one goes outside to indulge. Or in the early morning before she leaves for the day.
Sometimes smokers can be decent human beings.
The pipe shown in the drawing above is one I restored quite a while back. The previous owner had caked and tarred it up over the years, chewed through the stem, and horribly abused the poor dear. Conceivably, as a human being, he left some things to be desired.
I've never understood people who maltreat their briars. If you treat it well and clean it once in a while it will give you many years of service, providing pleasure often when you most need it. Nor will it lay around stinking up your quarters when not in use.
There are quite a few rescue-pipes in my collection.
Over on the Zuckerbergian side of the internet someone posted a picture of Che Guevara smoking a pipe. Che Guevara, as you probably know, was a psychopath; murderous, and a despicable piece of filth. Which some people pointed out. Various pipesmokers promptly leapt to his defense, as pipesmokers are all kindly avuncular types incapable of nastiness. In fact, pipesmokers are all Hobbits.
Positively Tolkienesque.
I personally know several pipesmokers who are blistering bastards.
Toxic individuals who suck the life out of any party.
That's not just a comment on their pipes.
It beastly wet outside, and cold.
I shall need a heavy coat.
And an umbrella.
TOBACCO INDEX
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
PEACE, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING
Apparently Robert Aaron Long had a good reason for going on a shooting rampage. A lot of things in Georgia qualify as good reason for doing that. Local law enforcement is keenly attuned to it, and has nurturing feelings.
"He was pretty much fed up and had been kind of at the end of his rope. Yesterday was a really bad day for him, and this is what he did."
------Captain Jay Baker, Cherokee County Sheriff's Office
If some of my Asian American neighbors were like that, there would be dead Caucasians all over this neighborhood. If women felt like that, very many males would have snuffed it.
And if I thought like that, unimaginable consequences.
Having a "really bad day" is not a reason, nor an explanation.
Except in Cherokee County. Possible Fox country.
My apartment mate is Chinese American, an old classmate from the last time I went to college. Despite very many "really bad days", she hasn't killed anyone yet. I have a new appreciation for her tolerance now. No dead whites or males.
Maybe we have to be careful around rural Southerners?
And make sure they don't have "really bad days"?
You know, I've had some pretty bad days. Like the two years plus when miraculously I didn't die of a heart attack, before my insurance kicked in and I went down to Chinese Hospital and got treatment, and within less than a month a coronary stent. Those were truly horrid days. The nurse who admitted me there was having a "really bad day" that first visit; an ill-tempered Caucasian dude (me) who stank of tobacco can cause that, even without trying.
If the admitting physician there when my appendix ruptured had had a "really bad day" (night, actually), and thought like Robert Aaron Long or Captain Jay Baker, I would be dead now.
There were a whole heck of a lot of people at the hospital while I was there who, honestly, were also having "really bad days". Which is more or less what the ICU is all about.
Cite:
The suspect told investigators that "he loved God and guns".
End cite.
At this moment, there are people all over having really bad days.
Including very many Christians and gun aficionados.
That right there may be a problem.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
"He was pretty much fed up and had been kind of at the end of his rope. Yesterday was a really bad day for him, and this is what he did."
------Captain Jay Baker, Cherokee County Sheriff's Office
If some of my Asian American neighbors were like that, there would be dead Caucasians all over this neighborhood. If women felt like that, very many males would have snuffed it.
And if I thought like that, unimaginable consequences.
Having a "really bad day" is not a reason, nor an explanation.
Except in Cherokee County. Possible Fox country.
My apartment mate is Chinese American, an old classmate from the last time I went to college. Despite very many "really bad days", she hasn't killed anyone yet. I have a new appreciation for her tolerance now. No dead whites or males.
Maybe we have to be careful around rural Southerners?
And make sure they don't have "really bad days"?
You know, I've had some pretty bad days. Like the two years plus when miraculously I didn't die of a heart attack, before my insurance kicked in and I went down to Chinese Hospital and got treatment, and within less than a month a coronary stent. Those were truly horrid days. The nurse who admitted me there was having a "really bad day" that first visit; an ill-tempered Caucasian dude (me) who stank of tobacco can cause that, even without trying.
If the admitting physician there when my appendix ruptured had had a "really bad day" (night, actually), and thought like Robert Aaron Long or Captain Jay Baker, I would be dead now.
There were a whole heck of a lot of people at the hospital while I was there who, honestly, were also having "really bad days". Which is more or less what the ICU is all about.
Cite:
The suspect told investigators that "he loved God and guns".
End cite.
At this moment, there are people all over having really bad days.
Including very many Christians and gun aficionados.
That right there may be a problem.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
A HORRIBLE ATTITUDE
Neither my landlady nor my apartment mate get down to Chinatown often, especially during this pandemic. Both of them purchase their groceries locally, either at the small market on the corner of California and Polk streets, or at the Trader Joe's further up. Exceptionally at Whole Foods, which is also nearby.
In all honesty I do not particularly like Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. I feel that the food stores in Chinatown cater more to my type. I do not buy much -- it's only me eating, one person -- and I do not need very fancy stuff. I don't really like the culture of those places.
They're kind of yuppie. Snooty. White.
There is a difference being a middle-aged white guy surrounded by yuppies, and a middle-aged white guy who speaks Cantonese shopping for groceries in Chinatown. It feels more comfortable, and I know what I want.
[What do I want? Yauchoi. Fu qua. Honey Loquat Candy. Lee Kum Kee curry sauce. Hot sauce. Sambal. A single potato. Meltyblend chocolates. Lobak. Charsiu turnovers. Egg tarts. Kwan Miao noodles. Cheung fan.]
Yesterday I shopped at four stores on or near Stockton Street, and a bakery.
I got exactly what I wanted, had some pleasant chit chat.
Bought some pastries for other people.
Saw people I knew.
This morning, my apartment mate breakfasted on some of the pastries I brought back in front of her computer, getting upset at the news. Which is understandable, as every day brings a new roster of outrages, assaults on Asian Americans, casual violence by a thirty nine year old man against a seventy five year old Asian woman down on Market Street (she beat the crap out of him), elderly Chinese gentleman needing stitches, self-serving non-ameliorative poofle by Republicans about the racial hatred that they enabled, hand wringing by authorities what can we do what can we do?
Plus bland tut-tut-tutting by public figures and civic leaders.
On the other hand, I'm fairly used to the idea that there are some pretty shitty people in this country. In the first month after I returned several years ago, two people told me to go back where I came from (because of my accent), and a fellow student informed me that "we beat up people like you where I come from". A veteran, unaware that my relatives on both sides, multiple generations, had served in the United States Military, told me that "we liberated you people, you ought to be grateful", and I was called a god-damned communist.
All of that still happens occasionally.
Born here, but still a "foreigner".
I'm not really "one of us".
And I should shut up.
So yeah, there are some perfectly vicious people here. It was only a matter of time before that came bubbling to the surface. There has always been a deep vein of bigotry, intolerance, and xenophobia in this country. And white self-righteous Christianity.
Basically, everywhere between Treasure Island and Brooklyn is shitheadistan, speckled with some good people. I have no wish to meet "the real America"; I've dealt with those fuckers already. Don't want to visit those places either.
No one in their right mind would.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
In all honesty I do not particularly like Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. I feel that the food stores in Chinatown cater more to my type. I do not buy much -- it's only me eating, one person -- and I do not need very fancy stuff. I don't really like the culture of those places.
They're kind of yuppie. Snooty. White.
There is a difference being a middle-aged white guy surrounded by yuppies, and a middle-aged white guy who speaks Cantonese shopping for groceries in Chinatown. It feels more comfortable, and I know what I want.
[What do I want? Yauchoi. Fu qua. Honey Loquat Candy. Lee Kum Kee curry sauce. Hot sauce. Sambal. A single potato. Meltyblend chocolates. Lobak. Charsiu turnovers. Egg tarts. Kwan Miao noodles. Cheung fan.]
Yesterday I shopped at four stores on or near Stockton Street, and a bakery.
I got exactly what I wanted, had some pleasant chit chat.
Bought some pastries for other people.
Saw people I knew.
This morning, my apartment mate breakfasted on some of the pastries I brought back in front of her computer, getting upset at the news. Which is understandable, as every day brings a new roster of outrages, assaults on Asian Americans, casual violence by a thirty nine year old man against a seventy five year old Asian woman down on Market Street (she beat the crap out of him), elderly Chinese gentleman needing stitches, self-serving non-ameliorative poofle by Republicans about the racial hatred that they enabled, hand wringing by authorities what can we do what can we do?
Plus bland tut-tut-tutting by public figures and civic leaders.
On the other hand, I'm fairly used to the idea that there are some pretty shitty people in this country. In the first month after I returned several years ago, two people told me to go back where I came from (because of my accent), and a fellow student informed me that "we beat up people like you where I come from". A veteran, unaware that my relatives on both sides, multiple generations, had served in the United States Military, told me that "we liberated you people, you ought to be grateful", and I was called a god-damned communist.
All of that still happens occasionally.
Born here, but still a "foreigner".
I'm not really "one of us".
And I should shut up.
So yeah, there are some perfectly vicious people here. It was only a matter of time before that came bubbling to the surface. There has always been a deep vein of bigotry, intolerance, and xenophobia in this country. And white self-righteous Christianity.
Basically, everywhere between Treasure Island and Brooklyn is shitheadistan, speckled with some good people. I have no wish to meet "the real America"; I've dealt with those fuckers already. Don't want to visit those places either.
No one in their right mind would.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
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