BRILLIANT IDEAS

An Italian cook got fired for refusing to put pineapple on pizza. And while a great many stupid people consider him a hero, because he defended his cultural honour against the onslaught of Aussie vulgarity or sumpin', rational people think he's an idiot. Because the combination of pineapple and ham and some kind of savoury canned sauce, with cheesy substances, on dough, is one of the earliest food lusts know to man. It's what drove Columbus' journey to the New World. When Moses stepped off the ark, he said "what this place NEEDS is a pizza joint for college kids, Canadians, and Ozzie men. Wo ist die mittelmäßige pizzeria?

The Roman legions marched into Germany determined to share ham and pineapple pizza. Good thing too, otherwise those poor people would be eating roasted (geröstete) schweinshaxe and kartoffln 365 days a year.

Please understand that ham, cheese, and pineapple is the nearest most college students come to a balanced diet. Add hot sauce and anchovies, and you have a feast for champions. It's what fuels any late nighter before a test, and provides a delicious nutritious breakfast to future doctoral candidates as they stare into the bleak airwell of their industrial district unheated apartment building at five in the morning.


Pineapple slices on pizza are a cultural treasure!
Stupid damned European food snob.
Canadian cuisine!

Needs anchovies. The ONLY thing that stupid cook man should have asked is "möchten sie dazu ganz stinkende fischprodukte?" (nutri un desiderio osceno per le acciughe sott'olio?). Because if they were college students or vegans falling off the wagon, they would.

During the night I got up twice. Once to deal with the after effect of a warm caffeinated beverage enjoyed before bed, wich I often do because it delays the end of the day for a while, and once because it was actually too warm and I needed to stare into the airwell.
I wondered if one could put sliced bittermelon on a pizza. What would the Italians think of that? Would it make them lose their minds?

Now, seeing as it would be hard to talk an Italian cook into actually doing that -- they hate all innovations with a passion, the last one they accepted was cheese -- it's a rather good thing that I know how to make pizza dough. I learned it because of the college students.



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