THERE THERE, LITTLE WOOZUMS

Remember to use your most comforting mother-like voice. Extend your hand in a soothing wavy patting gesture, and softly say "there there". Trust me. To Helen, who has been batty for years and claims that Willie Brown stole her Nob Hill mansion and evicted her, "there there!". To Jake who was convinced that the police replaced his hands with these lobster claws that keep dropping his beer, "there there!" And always remember to also make the gesture of benediction. Be the pope of reassurance!

There there.

When I got in there was evidence that the old geezers had imbibed too much alcohol the previous day. The sink was absolutely filled with whiskey glasses, and two coffee cups.

I knew precisely who the instigator had been.
He's obviously back from Malibu.


It is quite likely that it won't just be the enormous quantity of booze that does him in.
Lines of nose-joy will play a part. Think of the movie Cocaine Bear.
Precisely so. Educational.

Speaking of 'educational', one of the rarely there regulars showed up and bent my coworker's ears pointlessly for nearly an hour. My coworker is really not interested in the workings of ancient lighters other than the silver Dunhill from the pre-butane era in his own pocket.
Which he made the mistake of taking out and showing.



There 'Little White Nipple Dude' will be, in his favourite easy chair in the corner, adjusting the flame heights of his lighters so that they are equal, readjusting them, then refilling them and repeating everything. For hours. "Mommy, what is Daddy doing?" his imaginary daughter asks. And his imaginary wife responds "shhh, it's VERY important!"


My coworker should have simply said "there there" and made the gesture of benediction.
It would have been better. More peaceful.
Restful, even.



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