CONTEMPLATING DISTANT WORLDS

One could, at an ungodly hour, imagine that one is tramping over a blasted heath with one's pipe. But doing that requires a hound, a hunting gun, and several scraggy cattle mooing in the distance. Not the lone pooing poodle walker and random street person, barely awake. Yes, they're wildlife, native to these parts. But their presence does not thrill or invigorate.
And they'd look mighty queer if they saw me striding along with a shooting piece.
This isn't Alabama or Oklahoma.

Where good pipe tobacco would be hard to find, there are no moorlands, and there is nowhere to get a decent Vietnamese coffee at the end of the trail.
Nothing but boiled black slop and soggy grits.


And speaking of which, Alabama, Delaware, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and West Virginia have the highest rates of obesity in the country. Which may or may not tell you something about the people there and their cuisine.
I'm just throwing that out, I've never been there.
But I've heard things.

I'm envisioning vast mountains of lard and mayonnaise.
Which is unholy at six o'clock in the morning.

PICTURE OF A SCOTSMAN WITH HIS PET GOAT

To be honest, I have no interest in food at this hour. A cup of coffee and a pipeful of tobacco are all that is required, really, and I'll pass on the humongous platters of lard, mayonnaise, and boiled cornmeal that folks in the vast interior eat.


It's a diet based, I believe, on British cooking, but without the variety.



Scotland might be tolerable, if they had hotsauce.
Plus running water and central heating.



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