EVIL HANDICRAFTS

The plumbers will be here between eight and ten in the morning. And I am prepared for that. The second cup of coffee will have been absorbed, my apartment mate's door will be firmly shut, and a pipeful of tobacco may be in process of combustion.

Yesterday after making a jar of curry paste there was a sink mishap. The U-shaped tube underneath, part of the drainage system, decided that at thirty or forty years, it had had enough, and part of the underside (rotten) fell away. Now, having cleaned out a jar of red hot chili paste that was a year and a half old -- about time to chuck it all out -- the sink was filled with rubicund water. As was, within seconds, the entire kitchen floor.
Warm water, rich in capsaicin. And no mop to be seen.
I mopped it up with two rolls of kitchen paper.
Wipe wipe wipe, squeeze into bucket.
Repeat, and squeeze again.
Torture water.

When capsaicin seeps into your skin, it stays. My fingertips still feel "warm", and going to the bathroom is a delicate process requiring both thought and caution.

That first pipe of the day, shortly after seven, was delightful, but it did not quite have my fullest attention. Because, as you understand, mature men need to pee upon rising. Pills, first cup of coffee, clothes, filling the ancient briar ...... all of it shaded by a feeling of unique tropical "warmth" where I did not wish or expect it. I dare not wipe my eyes or pick my nose.

At least my toes, all the way up to mid-calf, won't feel arthritic and stiff. Probably not till after Christmas, if at all. Good thing chilipaste is rich in vitamin C and fibre, so it's healthy.
The digits are alive with vibrant zestiness.



The stuffed turkey vulture ('Sydney Fylbert') insists that it's the imaginary little girl hamster's fault. She was carrying a bomb. Can't trust furballs that look like delicious dumplings, they're taught terrorism and deviant behaviour in school. He's offered to fix that problem.
Selflessly, he'll take one for the team.
With gravy, please.



No doubt you'll be glad to know that no curry paste was harmed.
And the imaginary little girl hamster will be safe.
We consider her a good friend.
Bomb, forsooth!





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