THE CRUSADE AGAINST LETTUCE ©

The most peculiar word in American English is probably 'salad', as it covers several horrid dishes with mediocre raw greens, likely to give you food poisoning, as well as unholy concoctions of animal protein with mayonnaise or vinaigrette, for similar effect.

It's all part of the modern world's love affair with raw lettuce; a green of little appeal, which is a main component, or the unappealing base on which the repulsive concoction rests.

Lettuce in sandwiches is particularly nasty.
And even worse in "wraps".

Limp, and likely to get stuck between your teeth, especially on the left side where one of the fillings is jagged, and quite impossible to get out without sticking your right hand in up to the elbow. Right near the gums. Vigorous brushing only drives it further in. Tweezers and a mirror are needed.
I would chew on the right, but there's an issue there as well.
No need to go into all the details.

The best way to consume lettuce is to cook it, Cantonese-style, particularly with oyster sauce and a splash of Siu Heng ricewine, as a side dish for roast meats. But even then.

Note that there is a natural chemical in lettuce that makes you sleepy, so if you're not swilling tea with your meal, the rest of the evening may be shot.

Lettuce is a horribly Puritan vegetable; it's "good" for you.
Precisely like broccoli and lima beans.



Very nice salads can be made with just cucumbers, tomatoes, cilantro, juicy grilled meats, lime or lemon juice, fish sauce, and sliced or chopped chilies. Plus some peanuts (crushed or whole) on top as a garnish.
Maybe some shrimp chips too.



The Crusade Against Lettuce© believes that the best thing to do with lettuce is to burn it at the stake. Along with broccoli and lima beans.




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