At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Friday, February 17, 2006


Pakistani Cleric: Kill cartoonist for reward

[Civilized bunch, those Pakistanis!]

A Pakistani mullah has offered a 2.5 million rupee reward and a car to anyone who kills the cartoonist who drew the Prophet Muhammad.

[A Pakistani car. Such a metzia. What kinda car are we offering for Osama BL? A rickshaw?]

Mohammed Yusuf Qureishi, prayer leader at the Muhabat Khan mosque in Peshawar, announced that the mosque and the Jamia Ashrafia Madrassa (Assemblies of Nobility Religious Academy) he leads would give 1.5 million rupees and a car to whoever kills the cartoonist of the prophet pictures that appeared in a Danish newspaper in September.

[Remember, Islam is a religion of peace. And Pakistan is part of the Dar Es Salam - The Abode of Peace. A shining example to us poor koofers!]

He also said a local jewelers' association (The Association Of The Jeweler's Bazar) would also give one million dollars.

[A typical marketing ploy. A goodwill, advertisement, if you will. Should boost sales in that slow season between Ramadan and the next jihad. Peshawari bussinessmen need all the help they can get, seeing as the tourist trade inexplicably dried up around September 2001.]

"Whoever has done this despicable and shameful act, he has offended the honour of Muslims. Whoever kills this accursed man, he will get one million rupees from the association of the jewelers' bazaar, one million rupees from Masjid Muhabat Khan and 500,000 rupees and a car from the Jamia Ashrafia as a reward," Qureshi said, "This is a(n) unanimous decision by all imams that whoever insults the prophet deserves death and whoever will take this insulting man to his end, will get this reward."

[If the honour of Muslims is redeemed by murder, perhaps there was but little honour there to begin with. More appropriately, they should offer a fine fat pig instead - surely the association and the Masjid Muhabat Khan have several loafing around? Maybe a swine or two hiding behind a lectern or desk?]

He did not name the cartoonist.

[He would have, except that all of those darn koofer names are so hard! And he probably hasn't realized that there were several of them - like many fine folks in Pakistan, he doesn't (can't) read newspapers, and he doesn't get out much.]

Siraj El Haq, a senior minister in the NWFP provincial government - which is run by a hard-line Islamic coalition - told the same assembly that the government should demand the extradition of the cartoonist for trial in Pakistan.

[Yep, that's a government official of one of our allies. I really feel comforted now. Totally.]

------- -------- --------

In other news from the cultural war front:

India: A minister in Uttar Pradesh, Haji Yaqub, announces a $11m reward for anyone who beheads the cartoonist who drew the images of Muhammad.


Iran: Iranians wishing to buy Danish pastries will now have to ask for "Roses of the Prophet Muhammad".
The confectioners' union mandated the name change in retaliation for the publication of caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad in a Danish newspaper. The union said that the decision was prompted by the "insults by Danish newspapers against the Prophet". "This is a punishment for those who start misusing freedom of expression to insult the holiness of Islam."
Dearly beloved readers, I believe there are several possible versions of the new name for Danish pastries in Iran: Gul-e Peikambar, Gul-e Rasul, Mawar-e Nabi, or the full length Arabo-Persian 'Pul-e Mawar-e Sayidna en-Nabi Mohammed Sallallahu Aleihi Wa Salam' (P.M.S.N.M.S.A.S).
To name just a few.

This will undoubtedly cause some confusion. Wherefore I suggest that instead of any of the above, or even the term 'Roses Of The Prophet Mohammed', we simply call them 'The Pastry Formerly Known As Danish' - TPFKAD.

Or 'Moe's Bloomers'. Whatever.

Suggestions? Feedback? Sarcasm? Death-threats?
Please comment!


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