KANSAS PROVES EVOLUTION WRONG!

Board says "students should reject evolution".


Topeka, Kansas, 11/09/05 -- The Kansas Board of Education voted Tuesday that students will now be expected to study Intelligent Design -- thus neatly proving that evolutionary change does not necessarily result in a more competitive organism, and establishing once and for all the haphazard nature of life on this planet. "The diversity of species was created only to confound us", declared Grand High Popeonarope Steve Abrams, "but we've seen through this dastardly liberal humanist plot. All of us were directly inspired by a vision of the Giant Glowing Egg Above The Clouds to vote this way. Maybe it was something we ate".


It is hoped that this decision will boldly carry the inbred schoolchildren of Kansas forward into the past, resulting in the eventual breakdown of law and order, and the establishment of a dark-ages renaissance where knights in shining armour will save huddled peasants from alchemists, cartographers, and mathematicians -- in addition to witches (who will be burned), dragons (slayed), and paynim (boiled alive).


CHALLENGES

As a codicil to the decision, Chief Mongol Bongo Dingbat Steve Abrams announced that Kansas was establishing diplomatic relations with the Islamic Republic of Iran, "because great religious peoples should unite against the heathen (who must burn in the pit of eternal flames, darn them!)".

It is expected that both nations will send delegates to a meeting where they will cement their concomity of purpose, sign a declaration of war on modernity, and propose to study each others textbooks in order to develop a deeper understanding of the challenges facing troglodytes in an increasingly literate world.


HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN KANSAS?

In addition to proving that change does NOT mean improvement of the species, NOR a sharper competitive edge, the decision also shows that an almighty and omnipresent deity may very well have planted geologic evidence to fool humanity. "How else do you explain Kansas", asked Alfred Russel Wallace, science reporter for the Royal Geographic Society Newspaper. "This shows that scientists have to re-think their entire position", he continued, "because obviously there is less diversity over time, not more, and devolution, not progress. We are moving sideways, not forward, backwards, not up, and always twirling! Twirling! Twirling! Away from freedom!"



On a related note, the United Theocratic Council of the Crusader Kingdom of Kansas announced that all university graduates would be expelled from the state, as there was no place for sceptics and freethinkers in a G-d fearing society, pi would henceforth be three exactly, and the alphabet would be limited to thirteen letters (twelve apostles and a cross), because "twenty three letters...., no I mean twenty eight, errm twenty..., whatever, it's all too darn complex for a decent farmboy, and in any case, no one needs to read the Noo York Times or any of those other uppity interlecteral rags anyhow".

This according to Big Dang Dingo Spokesman Steve Abrams, who admitted that his degree was from Billy Bob Buy Bull Kollitsh, where those changes had already been instituted years ago, and he proudly showed his diploma as 'Doktar Ob Dibiniti' to prove it.

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By the way, Kansas also proudly celebrates the (multiple) new titles of members of the Board of Education, which will add gravitas and dignity to what has heretofore been a rather unremarkable body - in the past, the only bold move they were know for was the unanimous decision to repeal of the laws of gravity.