WE WILL THANK YOU

In a famous scene from Lord Of The Rings, Doctor Spock kills and carves up his Tauntaun because it's too buggery cold or whatever. Or maybe that's Captain America from a franchise which I refuse to watch. Anyway, the cold. Yes, I know this is San Francisco and Mark Twain froze here. But I am still offended by this weather. I haven't seen Bay Watch, but I do know that California is tropical and we're supposed to run toward the surf in our cherry red skimpy swim togs. In slow motion, all very poetic.

Sadly, that isn't going to happen.

This morning, on my ambulation around the neighborhood smoking a pipe filled with aged Red Virginia broken flake after a strong cup of a hot imported beverage which will soon be rocketing up in price because the orange felon put a tariff on everything foreign, I passed by several frozen hobbits wrapped in their confederate battle flags, with French bulldogs defecating on their withered corpses, because America!

Oh, and joggers. Joggers are immune to cold.
Bare arms, bare legs. Short shorts.

This is traditional for the end of April. The region has not warmed up yet.
It is inhumane to have your dog go outside in this weather.
Just let him poo inside.

Per Wikipedia: "Defecation (or defaecation) follows digestion, and is a necessary process by which organisms eliminate a solid, semisolid, or liquid waste material known as feces from the digestive tract via the anus or cloaca. The act has a variety of names."

I say this for two major reasons, one being that I care, passionately, about the frozen hobbit corpses, and the second is that some of you cannot clean up after your beasts with your tiny cold, cold fingers trembling uncontrollably. The evidence of the latter is abundant.

I know how it is. After five minutes outside Raynauds Phenomenon has kicked in, your digits have turned blue, the circulation beyond the knuckle has shut off entirely, and you cannot feel anything. Dactyl sensitivity is required for so delicate a task.

Perhaps get a bigger dog? The results are sizeable and easier to handle.
Think of the sheer satisfaction you will feel.
Sheer joy.


Also, it may warm your fingers.
That, too, will be good.



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