KITTY THEORY

It turns out that Hello Kitty is half a century old. Which is remarkable for a British school girl living in London (you already knew that about her, right?), seeing as normally those are eaten by packs of East End slags well before they hit their second decade. With only scraps of ichor-stained school uniforms left as clues to what befell them. The horror, the horror.

British school girls, as is well known, are dense and well-marbled because of a diet rich in oils, such as is available at fish and chip shops, corner convenience stores, the numerous McDonalds, curry shacks run by Sylhetis, and Haggis Huts, that surround nesting grounds.

Note: Allegedly haggis is quite edible if deep-fried, and slathered in curry sauce next to a pile of chips. Good to know if you ever visit Scotland, though why would you?

There are theories that some Bitish school girls eventually turn into slags, but as no one has ever witnessed the transformation, this is still speculative. Attempts to breed them in captivity have failed. The exact details of their life cycle are unknown.

Judging by her excellent taste and comportment, Hello Kitty would never turn into a slag, and might actually be misidentified as a British school girl. Surely there's been some mistake?

Another theory is that when the Hello Kitty matures, she turns into a middle-aged Dutchman and heads down to SF Chinatown for some fried noodles, followed by a smoke with her pipe and twitching grey whiskers underneath an awning -- Jackson Street (昃臣街 'jak san kaai') or Waverly Place (天后廟街 'tin hau miu kaai'), most likely -- while contemplating the evil in the world as well as the millions of soldiers who perished in the Great War.
It being armistice day today. And rather rainy.
Tea-time will be gloomy.


That's not provable one way or either, of course, and I'm not particularly vested in it either, seeing as I wasn't born until centuries after the war ended. My grandfathers were in it.
Both of them survived.

There are indications that Hello Kitty is Dutch-American.
Strong indications. New Amsterdam Dutch.
Believe it, or not.



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