AN AGE OF INNOCENCE

When I stepped out for a last pipefull yesterday evening dense clouds were moving in, and the temperature had dropped very much from the heat of the day. A young Chinese woman walked by wearing a blue dress that revealed her curves nicely. She was abstracted by the images on her screen. I observed her briefly, then headed up the street. Young ladies smiling at their cell-phones may be seeing what their special friend sent them, and in any case there is no percent in engaging with them, if you are old enough to be, you know, that generation.
If she spoke to me in Cantonese, she would have addressed me as 'Ah Sook' (uncle).
In English, if she was American born, 'mister' (aka: skeevy old creep).
Because, of course, one doesn't randomly converse.


Basic life rule: do not bother women walking past. They will take it amiss. And consider you a right creep. Before reaching into their pocket and unleashing a full can of mace right in your eyes. Assuming that they have been well brought up.Mace is part of the feminine mystique.
Always let them start the conversation by saying what a remarkably dashing middle aged fellow you are, and gosh you look jaunty with that pipe. Are your busy?

That never happens. But it's best to be prepared for it.
Yes, I am a boy scout in some ways.

A friend of a certain age mentioned that he was always disappointed whenever he went to July Fourth celebrations to which he had been invited. No discussion at all of the founding principles of our country, standard American beer, a dearth of condiments for the crisped dog, and not enough potato salad. Further inquiry indicated that it was always the same people that invited him. He had never let on that it left him with an empty feeling.

Perhaps start a conversation about Monty Python instead, and have TWO burnt weenies.
Social life takes two to tango. Enough badly cooked food can fill that hole.
And for craps sakes, bring a bottle of wine when you go.
Shitty beer is a default.

I didn't say that, of course. He has a greater social life than I do, but mine is not depressing. So while I am slightly jealous, I don't feel like giving him pointers. Personally, I rather like burnt weenies. They're an American tradition I have not experienced enough.

Personally, I was completely unaware that people discussed our national founding principles at these events, but I knew that they drank lots of pissy beer and burned things. I went to a July 4th. celebration once when I was much younger, and there weren't any weenies.
Haven't repeated that since. Weenies are fundamental.
I don't like being disappointed.



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