UP WITH THE BIRDS

Some creatures are habitually up at the very crack of dawn. Roosters. Baristas. Men with loud motorbikes and small ineffective limp members. Plus Cantonese apartment mates who are ravenous, and masculine Netherlandish Americans who wish to have a good smoke plus afterwards plenty of time to commit ablution and other necessary things in a bathroom of their choosing.

Also many birds of course. Mainly worm-eaters.

Like you, I cannot face a worm that early in the morning. Coffee, then a pipe smoked while wandering around the neighborhood and glaring at folks pooing their dogs.
Can't they do that in the privacy of their own home?
Well dammit!


Or, to put it differently, I am not the most social creature at that hour.
Even after abluting and dressing I haven't improved much.
More presentable, still grouchy.
Dutch uncle.

AN EARLY BIRD

A coworker five years ago liked starting the day with an energy drink and a cigar. The good thing was that though half-crazed, he wasn't particularly talkative. At the toy company over a decade ago the operations department spent the first two hours irritatingly yacking on about Real Housewives and American Idol while slurping Starbucks frappies. It drove both me and the one intelligent member of that department nuts. I was on the other side of the nearest wall of dividers trying to tune them out while making necessary calls.


I have never watched American Idol or the Real Housewives. Nor do I wish to belatedly catch up on either of them. Never watched Game of Thrones either. The last actual watchable shows on teevee were The X Files, Forever Knight, and Absolutely Fabulous.
Also, I do not poo my dog. He's imaginary, and constipated.
Must be that cigar I mentally see him smoking.
Cigars early in the morning are evil.
Dries the membranes.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================