BOATING ACCIDENTS

During his recent campaign speech in Las Vegas, our ex-president and 34-fold felon Donald Trump waffled on about boats sinking, a young lady swimming nearby, and sharks attacking him. Which was delightful. I may be letting my fondness for America's favourite batshit crazy senile uncle gain the upperhand here, but I also think that shark attacks are a crisis. Clearly the sharks are not getting fed enough. Young ladies, no matter how leggy and well-marbled, are not a suitable diet. Why are sharks desperately doing this? And has the United Nations been notified? Look, we just cannot have America's sharks randomly eating people!
It's bad for them. Must be all that electricity in the water.

If we ban the windmills, that will stop.
It's a matter of public health.


It was one hundred and ten degrees in the shade during that rally, and the audience had Taylor Swift on their minds. Over a dozen of them had to be hospitalized. Sharks.

Oh, the humanity!

America's poorly fed selachimorphs are a problem for which there is no easy solution. Clearly junkfood is not going to help. Lean red meat, from the great red heartland -- McAllen, Texas; Jackson, Mississippi; and Shreveport, Louisiana -- might, though. Plus vegetable fibre.
The great state of Iowa comes to mind. That way there's finally a use for it.


This blogger longs for the day when vast herds of great white sharks once again thunder across the prairies, like they did when the United States first rose to greatness and made Western Europe safe for literacy, freedom, and civilization.


We must move forward, not backward. And upward, not forward.
And always twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom.
How wise these words from years ago.
Prescient.



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