AND AFTER THAT, THE GROPING!

The news in the past few weeks has been full of people groping girls. Hollywood, the Republican Party, Democrats, and elderly statesmen.
I feel left out. I never groped anyone till I returned to the United States, and the other people involved were consenting adults. And there has not been nearly enough of that.

My approach to the opposite gender has always been somewhat clumsy and formal. More along the lines of "hello, miss, would you under the proper circumstances consider committing behaviour which your parents should not hear about?" Assuming, of course, that the likable female person to whom I am speaking is sane, emotionally balanced, reasonably sober at that time and all times, has no prior relationships or engagements that could confuse the issues, and is not averse to a bit of sweat.

It puts a cramp on one's style, I know, but one that I am not uncomfortable with. Casual random groping of strangers seems so ... animalistic.
Not in a good way.

Like any vibrant man I like adventure, provided it is stable, sane, rationally considered, and not likely to provide embarrassing sound bytes.


Sex starts with caffeinated beverages and acceptance of the other person's minor peculiarities. After that, passion may ensue.



"Hello, miss, would you under the proper circumstances consider committing behaviour which your parents should not hear about?"



I have never groped a fourteen year old girl. Not even when I was fourteen.
At that age I was still sort of figuring out how to get within ten feet.

When my father went on a trip to London for two weeks with Marianne, leaving me in charge of the house, and my brother not planning to return from Tilburg for several more weeks, I had a riotous time. Plenty of money for expenses, only two things to do, and complete freedom. "Make sure there's coffee and toilet paper when I get back, and don't burn the place down." Well okely dokely, I can do that. Promptly bought a few extra tins of fine English pipe tobacco and two pounds of coffee. Had fresh mushrooms with every meal. Smoked up a storm (Balkan Sobranie Smoking Mixture, mmmm, dark sooty Latakia!), spent ten days high as a kite on strong warm beverages ..... Didn't discover till the afternoon of his return that the liquor cabinet was unlocked, which I was sure was just an oversight.

I was seventeen at the time.

It wasn't till one day when I was in my early thirties that I suddenly realized what he presumed I would have the good sense to do, and what a splendid opportunity it indeed would have been, if I had actually known someone of the opposite gender well enough at that time to say: "hello, miss, would you under the proper circumstances consider committing behaviour which your parents should not hear about?"

Dang.


At present, I am a middle-aged bachelor, with two long-term relationships, one marriage (brief, unremarkable, and terminated amicably), and a fairly short-term thing several years ago involving a person who had lovely breasts, behind me. Single, unresolutely but never the less completely so, for the past several years.

I have never actually said "hello, miss, would you under the proper circumstances consider committing behaviour which your parents should not hear about" to anyone.

In case you were wondering.

But perhaps I should.

An experiment.



I have always been intellectually curious.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================