If you were going to leave Florida before your aunt Irma arrives, you should have hastily apoculated yesterday. Or even considerably earlier.
It is far too late now.
But don't worry, little grasshopper, all will be well. In a few days you shall emerge from your mom's basement, and the sun will shine, birds will tweet, and those horrible neighbors of yours, the brown people, will be gone.
Because there is no climate change, and the weather in the Sunshine State is always perfect. Precisely as your favourite broadcast personality, Rim Lushbeau, declared. It is a hoax by pussy liberals and Chinese.
Your friends from the Christian True Patriots League will come visit soon.
With cake! Because you were right! They shouldn't have doubted.
If you go upstairs, you will discover that your mom left an extra large jar of peanut butter on her kitchen counter, just in case you get hungry while she's gone. And a big box of chez-0-crackers to smear it on!
What's that? You are allergic to peanuts?
Oh.
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