No, Baruch Hashem ("thank goodness") this time it has absolutely diddly-squat to do with "inhaling cigars".
Or the Aleppo Codex ('Keter Aram Tzova').
He writes:
Dear Mr. BackOfTheHill,
I recently had this exchange with my rabbi. I was wondering if you could include the exchange on your blog, along with a commentary, explaining any unusual, non-Englishy terms, or non-Christian concepts, to your readers, so that they might appreciate it more.
Dear Rabbi,
I have an esteemed Question for you.
What is the inyen of דוג שיט? It's obviously a very important mitzvoh, because it's in Hebrew. Is it, by any perchance, a name of the De*ty G*D? If so, I may want to get a tattoo of it on both of my arms and stenciled on something resembling a Louis Vuitton purse.
Thank you very much,
Richard-Adham Kalower
[Here was his response:]
Dear Richard "Ate Ham",
yes, דוג שיט is indeed the Hebrew name of a deity, namely Neptune (literally: Doug the Oarsman). In theory, it would be a good hiddur mitzvoh to have his image tattooed, but I doubt you'll find a craftsman, even if Jewish, who'll be ready and able to tattoo such an eccentric design.
Estimandly,
Rabbi
[End cite]
You, dear reader, will notice several items which may raise your eye-brow. Kindly leave it lowered; some things must remain opaque.
"Explaining any unusual, non-Englishy terms, or non-Christian concepts"
The relevant words are: rabbi, inyen, mitzvoh, tattoo, Neptune, hiddur mitzvoh.
EXPLICATIONES VERBA
Rabbi: originally meaning master ('great person, or thing'), now in Hebraic usage applied to one who has received smicha ('smicho l'rabbanus'), though in Arabic it is a name of the deity. Many Arabs, ignorant of the origin of the term in the proto-Arabic language which evolved into Hebrew three millennia ago, are outraged at the Jewish use of the word and intend to write an angry letter to the editor.
Editor: rabbi.
Inyen: topic, issue, matter at hand. An eppes riezige sach.
Mitzvoh: one of 613 entries in an ancient instructional manual which has been lost, possibly in the Midbar. Locating the missing tome has proven difficult since Menachim Begin (z"l) returned that miserable place to the Paynim in 1979. They are referenced in Toireh, but as the original doc itself cannot be examined, most people simply wing it.
דוג שיט: the rap-artist Snoop Dog in a canoe or other small aquatic conveyance. Ich veis?
Tattoo: images, designs, symbols, decorations, or even texts, which are permanently marked on the ectoderm of a human being or other sentient near-hairless creature. The process is considered painful, and usually a ghastly mistake, though for ethnic groups still resident in rainforest areas or underdeveloped regions like the Haight-Ashbury and the Mission District, it is also culturally significant, indicating that the wearer has achieved a life-goal like wrestling a whale or completing her first divorce.
The skin is the largest organ of the integumentary system, which protects the muscles, bones, ligaments and internal organs.
Skin is prominently mentioned in the Bible (Neviim, most notably in the book of Isayah: ספר ישעיה Sefer Yeshayahu), as well as several songs of a religious nature, such as the following:
When you hear the syncopation,
And sweet music softly moans;
It ain't no sin to take off your skin,
And dance around in your bones.
Just like those bamboo babies,
Down in the tropical zones;
It ain't no sin to take off your skin,
And dance around in your bones.
When it gets too hot for comfort,
And you can't get ice cream cones;
It ain't no sin to take off your skin,
Then dance around in your bones.
While Rabbinic Judaism looks sternly askance at this particular piyyut, considering it non-normative, nisht unsere minhog, veistu, and quite possibly heathen (pre-first temple, and note particularly the echoing of rites involved with worshipping asherim), heterodox cults such as Reconstructionist Judaism, New Age Jews, J4J, and Kabbalists, often sing it before entering the jaccuzi ('birkas ha mikvah').
Note: custom dictates that Arizal be used for scriptural tattoos, never Beis Yosef.
Neptune: heathen deity from the pre-exilic period. His worship faded during forty years in the midbar. For rather obvious reasons.
Hiddur mitzvah: making the mitzvah much more mitzvahish. It's like, how much more mitzvahish could this be? And the answer is 'none'. None more mitzvahish.
As is written: "Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it?
So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you."
Craftsman: a Freemason.
Lastly, the term 'Louis Vuitton Purse'. This is an object of worship for many materialists. We do not hold by it. Es iz, as they say, nisht unsere minhog. But it is very popular in San Francisco, very regal. Geshmak.
Halacha dictates that after handling his 'Louis Vuitton Purse', the penitent shall toivel and sit in the jacuzzi till nightfall.
Nu, kvestions?
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