Saturday, June 01, 2013

DID I EVER SAY THAT THE JAPANESE ARE UTTERLY MAD? I WISH TO AFFIRM THAT FACT AGAIN, IN THE STRONGEST TERMS

Recently I was looking for mention of Sun Tzu on the internet, which is the source of weird facts, cute kitten pictures, paranoid conspiracy theories, smut of many appetizing varieties, as well as sometimes real knowledge.

Sun Tzu (孫子), you will remember, is the Chinese military theoretician who wrote 'The Art of War' (孫子兵法), a seminal handbook on office politics in the Spring and Autumn Period (春秋時代) which preceded the collapse of the feudal order at the end the Chou Dynasty (周朝).

The Art of War, and other military classics of ancient provenance, are fundamental to success in the vicious back-biting World of Officecraft.
All geeks need to study these. If you cannot read classical Chinese (文言), you will have to settle for The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli and The Complete Yes Minister, by the Right Honourable James Hacker. Both will stand you in good stead and provide ready advice while you plot your way to the executive washroom.

喀秋莎

Among many other things, I found videos.
The internet is loaded with videos.
Not all are pornographic.


The clip below represents the Japanese at their most stark-raving bonkers.

喀秋莎: ガルパン・カチューシャ


[Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A1jWQ3PdeI.]

This clip is from Girls und Panzer (ガールズ&パンツァー Gāruzu ando Pantsā), an anime (動畫) series in which the "way of the tank" (戰車道 sensha-dō) is the equivalent of cheerleading or astronomy club as an encouraged high school activity. The Japanese are big on such things, believing that they build moral fibre and develop the interactive abilities of students involved.

Perky schoolgirls in short skirts, quotes from Sun Tzu, large rolling stock, and Russian World War Two songs. Plus tea, team spirit, and hot chocolate (in a thermos). Erwin Rommel and Siberia.
And motivation!

Dang.

My high school was nothing like that.

They wouldn't even let us play field-hockey anymore after we broke the sticks on each other's firm young hairy calves. Probably afraid that our drang zum mayhem would lead to riots, civil disobedience, and public bestiality.
The Japanese have a talent for esprit de corps, whereas Brabanders veer more towards mob violence, chaos, and psychotic behaviours.



It is no wonder that the Japanese have an office-culture second to none, while Brabanders merely wander around the cold deserted moorlands of Northern Europe smoking cigars and wondering where everybody went.
Occasionally passing a rusted tank or other relic of team spirit.
And dreaming of nice hot chocolate (in a thermos).
We've got excellent cigars.
Lousy tanks.


It's freezing out there at night.
I want a tank.




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2 comments:

cinematically amphibious said...

I've got that beat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GSaesy7ZIA

The back of the hill said...

Like everything, it's about Burt Lancaster's wangy.

Charming.

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