As some of you know, Savage Kitten and I are no longer a couple. Yes, we still live together, albeit in separate rooms. But we are not romantically involved anymore. The relationship ended.
So, in the tradition of tacky celebrity break-ups and rich people betraying each others' deepest darkest secrets after the affair is over, here are two revelations.
Revelation no. 1.: She squeals!
Revelation no. 2.: Size matters!
Let me explain the second revelation first. Her blue jeans are boys' size fourteen, which is actually far too loose around the waist but just right elsewhere. She's somewhere between adult women's size two and four.
Her shoes are a large five and a half, or a size six.
Her ringsize is 3½ or slightly less.
If you don't know what any of this means, ask a woman.
Now, regarding that first revelation........
It's VERY irritating. She never squealed when she was still with me. Yet, when she listens to phone messages from her boyfriend, she squeals.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Yeah, yeah, I know - cute as the dickens. Darling, in fact. And rather mellifluous too, not piercing at all. Charmingly girlish.
Yet nevertheless it fair sets my teeth on edge. Can't figure out why.
Dang, that's irritating.
Why did I say size matters?
Well, both she and I have lost weight since the split. And while I realize that I now actually look better than I have in a long time, I do not make much of it. Without any one acting all excited over my appearance, or telling me what a fine devilish man I am, it just isn't that big a deal.
She, on the other hand..............
Positively overjoyed!
Never has needing to buy a whole new wardrobe been such cause for happiness.
I thought she looked totally fine before, but there may have been something wrong with me.
No woman worth her salt listens to a man anyhow.
The only time they ever even hear the dude is when he gives the wrong answer.
Between the squeals and the new clothes, it feels like I'm living with a giddy teenager.
I need a drink.
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THE TURKEYS
If you do your research assiduously, you can discover lots of evidence that American families are completely dysfunctional and consist of tr...
1 comment:
"It's VERY irritating. She never squealed when she was still with me"
Funny how that works, huh?
I was in a ten year relationship that legally ended back in early 2008.
During that entire time, she swore up and down that she loathed beer and couldn't drink coffee due to breast cancer in her family.
Now? She tells me she has always liked Stella Artois and now drinks coffee every morning. WTF?!?
I think women are a different species, regardless of what the feminists say.
-A.Z.
Hail Eris
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