STINKY WHORE

Long-time readers know that I sometimes gibber about pipe-tobacco.
I haven't done so in a while and I need to catch up. Hence this post.
Normally I am a severe puritan when it comes to tobacco (Balkan blends, and the occasional pressed Virginia), but I do sometimes experiment with aromatics, though I will usually deny it - one doesn't wish to be known by ones predilections.
Nor do I speak lovingly of such flavoured products, instead delivering stern sermons on the sanctity inherent in natural mixtures made fragrant only with Oriental leaf.
I am a purist, a prude, and, admittedly, a hypocrite.


I have smoked aromatics, and I still do. Just not very often. It's a mood thing.
I have described some aromatic tobaccos as innocent dewy teenagers, fresh and affectionate. Yet others have been older ladies, more worldly but discrete. Tarty but not overly sinful. And a few have been very knowing little temptresses. It's all a question of perfume.


Today I floated my nose over a tin I had not smelled in a while.


SWEET CHEESES INTERCOURSE!

In fact,
WHOLLY TISH!!


This stuff smells like the whore of Babylon. This is no innocent young thing, this is the clapped out sex-hag from hell. Overly painted, spike heeled, and with a studded bullwhip to boot. Diseased and greasy. Good heavens what a totally foul and loathsome product.
Stuffing this in your pipe regularly will give you a case of the pox, probably a medicine-resistant version that will end up progressively disfiguring you. Your wife and kids will leave you, you will loose your job, car, and house, and the parish priest will excoriate you and chase you from the church with holy water and Latin curses. Your dog will shy away yelping in terror.
Smoke this, and you prove yourself beyond salvation. You deviant!


DA VINCI
By Dan Tobacco

Description: "A delightful blend of light Virginia grades combined with Black Cavendish. Infused with Tuscan red wine, this blend has a pleasant aroma."


I shall not speculate as to the tobacco component - no tobacco deserves to be this intercoursed up. It whiffs like a Panetone gone very bad indeed. Soddenly sweet, with notes of stale Ripple and Thunderbird, spiced with a Hello Kitty overlay and a strong sopping of rancid butter. Plus unsubtle hints of caramel, coconut, and vanillin.
Faugh!

No, I did not buy this tin. Last year Tom at the pipe store had opened it, to sample. He had one bowlful. One. Then one of the owners tested it also. Once. And that was that. It sat in the sample bin for several months. No one else dared touch it.
Their lurid descriptions made it a pariah.

Today, finally, someone smoked another bowl.

A fresh-faced young man came in to the store looking for an aromatic. Some degenerate, I shall NOT say who, suggested that for a completely unique experience he should try some of this mixture. Which the young man did. He did not particularly like it, though he granted that it was interesting and unusual. Then he purchased two ounces of black vanilla Cavendish and left.
Afterwards, having finished my own pipe (I had been smoking Presbyterian Mixture), I reached for the tin of Da Vinci to see if it was as horrid as I remembered.

It was worse. The fruity slut-funk in which this poor syphilitic orphan was soaked does not age well. And now there is also an additional reek of sweatsocks. Or is it cheesy armpits? Whatever. Nasty.
Kill the perverted trollop and put her out of our misery, she is beyond saving. Feh.

I suspect that the last tin of this will remain on the store shelves for many years. Unlike other discontinued pipe mixtures, this will never fetch a high price on e-bay. It is utterly undesirable. You could not bribe me to take it off your hands.
But I will gladly pay to see the expression on a customer's face, when he pops the lid and realizes that he's been had.

Maybe, just maybe, I should buy it as a curiosity.
I can always assault little old ladies with it if I get bored.

TOBACCO INDEX


==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

IT'S THE CHICKEN!

Follows a brief e-mail from Savage Kitten. It clarifies the chicken-slaughtering note in the previous post.


Mud in one's eye


Oy, it's almost too much, seeing T--- on Sunday, then D--- today.
That's Tomahawk Face, the "I am a Self-Appointed Judge of the Arts" 60 something year old white woman. As usual, she was waiting for the bus. Still as well-dressed as ever and yet someone I wish to NOT know.

This being AFTER I'd helped (with 4 others also with assorted cleavers) trim 437 lbs of chicken quarters at C--- H--- half a block down. Oddly fun, dealing with webs and clumps of chicken fat. So no doubt I looked radiant with hours well spent, my inner beauty obvious.

Anyway, outside the Chinatown library, there's a different well-dressed white woman (where do these people come from?!) with two toned high heels. She's on her cell phone and asks, "is there usually blood in his stool?" See? Interesting day so far, and I've yet to pop in on The Momster with a (cooked) chicken.


-----------------------------------------------

AFTERWORD

Of course, the question you must now ask yourself is "does someone who has just finished trimming 437 pounds of chicken" have a glow of radiant inner beauty, or is that a distinct whiff?"
You must ask yourself this. Do not ask me. Trust me, that's a glow of radiant inner beauty. And you had better think so too.

RADIANT IN THE GLOW FROM THE NIGHT LIGHT

There are times when Savage Kitten prefers to sleep in her own room. This has nothing to do with our relationship, nor with emotional states. Rather, it reflects her desire to have a full nights sleep. Sleeping with The Toad pretty much precludes that otherwise.
Sometimes it's just impossible.

I am NOT admitting in this post that I am a sexfiend. It is not because of my liveliness or appetites that this necessary. By no means!

[I am not denying it either. Think what you wish. And feel free to fantasize abundantly about my prodigious vim & vigour, even though they are none of your business.]


The reason is because I behave 'strangely' while asleep.
She snores, but I wiggle. And thump the mattress. And turn. And, on occasion, speechify. Or sing and weep.
I am the rollercoaster of bedmates, according to her.
Boruch Hashem she did not liken me to Regan (Linda Blair).

Of course, when she is in her room getting a good night's sleep, I am not nearly so fortunate.
Having her beside me is comforting, and comfortable. Both reassuring and very nice.
It does mean that I have to stick my feet outside the covers to regulate my body temperature (she is warmer than I am), but I have no problem falling asleep with freezing feet. Her presence is conducive to sweet dreams.


Last night was one of those other nights, however. She wanted to be well-rested before slaughtering chickens today - she volunteered for one of the local Chinese charities, and they're doing something involving lots of fowl (I'm guessing wholesale massacre).
Anyhow.
She went to her room after I feel asleep.

In the middle of the night I woke up. Then she, in the other room, also woke up. Her footsteps receded down the hall, there was a flush, and then the footsteps padded nearer again. Still half-asleep and not realizing what she was doing, she came into my room.
A few seconds later she noticed where she was and returned to her room.


I didn't fall back asleep for another hour and a half, nearly two hours.


It was all her fault!


I don't think any man would've fallen asleep again after a lovely woman entered his bedroom.
Radiantly stark naked.
There may be something wrong with you if that doesn't keep you awake.

FLAMBOYANT AND FABULOUS!

Amid all the depressing news about the economy, the middle east, swine flu, and senator Arlen Specter, it is good to see that there is at least one place in this world where proper priorities are maintained.


Thailand.


A senior Buddhist clergyman is planning to address behavioural problems among gay and transgender monks. Things have gone far enough, so a severe instructional booklet will be issued.
Among the excesses of which these gay and transgender monks are guilty: tight robes, pink purses, and penciled eye-brows.
What is this world coming to?
It was about time someone did something.

NONE OF THEM WERE MUSLIMS

In 1948, British forces in Malaya killed twenty four unarmed civilians. The perpetrators were all vindicated by British authorities, it being asserted that the soldiers had no choice but to shoot them to prevent the unarmed men fleeing into the jungle. Their village was subsequently set on fire, and the survivors prevented from burying the dead for a week.


The British government is not unduly concerned about this event.
The Malaysian government has shown scant interest in raking it up.
It is not an issue.


The victims were not Muslims.


They were Chinese Malayans.


After the world war, Britain was concerned with placating the restless Malays and assuring themselves of a source for rubber and tin. The Chinese Malayans, who had resisted the Japanese, were less important in the grand scheme of things than the Malays, who had quiescently collaborated with the Japanese.
Neither the British nor the Malays were concerned with justice for the Chinese Malayans, who had been particularly brutalized by the Japanese occupiers, or with including the Chinese Malayans in future power structures of the soon-to-be independent Malay state, choosing instead to 'reward' them for their stubborn resistance to the Japanese by a policy of ethnic exclusionism (the seed for apartheid policies against Chinese in modern Malaysia).
This, probably more than anything else, led to an emergency that lasted twelve years.

The Chinese community had been robbed and repressed by the Japanese, the Malays had collaborated, and were well rewarded. When the British returned, the Malays loyally collaborated again, to very great advantage.
Many of the Malayan Chinese consequently saw little choice but to join the insurgency.

The men of the village of Batang Kali who were killed by the British were not Muslims but Chinese. In the eyes of the British, that meant that they were almost certainly rebels. And in the eyes of the Malays, they were Chinese.

Both of those qualities were good reasons to execute them. The British were fighting a war, the Malays were profitably collaborating with the strongest party.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8025383.stm


From that article:
"Four of the Scots Guards gave sworn testimony, confirming that the shootings took place, confirming that the victims were unarmed. "
"We were kept away for a week and when we returned we found the bloated bodies, half eaten by animals."


[More data here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batang_Kali_massacre and here: http://dapmalaysia.org/all-archive/English/2004/jul04/bul/bul2460.htm]


I can understand the British authorities being unenthusiastic about re-examining the facts.
No ex-colonial power is glad to have its misbehaviour highlighted.
The British, French, and Dutch insist that their role in the East was that of enlightened bringers of civilization, law, and order, and that colonialism only benefitted the natives, who were incapable of administering themselves according to the standards of the civilized world. And who really wishes to dispute that?

I can also understand why the Malaysian authorities are not overly concerned - these were not Muslims, and therefore by the standards of Malaysia they can not really count for much.
Besides, there is no point in encouraging ANY sense of grievance among the Chinese. Surely that only leads to trouble?


I'm just noting that this was a war crime. One of many war crimes committed by the colonial powers in the years after the world war - thousands of people were killed or tortured in the eastern territories during the last gasps of the British, French, and Dutch empires.
This is just another war crime which our friends and allies (the former colonial powers) would rather forget. Why bring up dead issues?
After all, they lost their empires.
I also note that the survivors are now few in number, old and frail. When the last of them has died and still no justice has been done, the official version of events will stand. The victims will only be remembered as 24 among the tens of thousands of "communists" killed during the insurrection.
Seeing as so few Muslims died, compared to so many Chinese, the victory was without a doubt well worth it. Especially for the Malays.
And they are wonderful people, the Malays.

EURABIAN FAMILY VALUES - AVOID GOUDA

Dutch police, unlike law enforcement in America, labour under such a whelter of rules, regulations, advisements, and bureaucratic red tape, that for all intents and purposes they have less authority than the average baby sitter.


This is especially evident after an incident in Gouda (Netherlands) on Monday.


Two teenage girls were attacked by five Moroccan youths, who pelted them with rocks, called them 'cancer-whores' (kankerhoeren), chased them, and slammed the bicycle of one of the girls on top of her as she was lying on the ground. One of the girls has a concussion and both have severe scrapes and bruises.
The boys were questioned by the police and released.


No, there was no reason for the attack. The girls did not provoke. They were not scantily dressed or offering to blow sailors for candy and spare change.
In no way other than being female did they offend the sensibilities of the Moroccans.

In fact, if they actually had been scandalously dressed OR offering to service nautical personages, it still would not have been the business of the loitering Arab jugend.
The girls' behaviour, comportment, clothing, or sparkling eyes - of what concern are these?

It says something about cowardice and a lack of proper up-bringing that the attackers were males, outnumbered the victims, and were not held back or restrained by other Moroccan teenagers in the vicinity, or by their own values and sensibilities.



SOURCE:
http://www.ad.nl/groenehart/gouda/3184964/Zusjes_bekogeld_met_straatstenen.html


What's even more appalling is that the police merely spoke to the boys and let them go.

Quote:
"Vijf jongens (13, drie van 14 en een van 15) zijn inmiddels opgepakt, verhoord en weer op vrije voeten gesteld" - Five boys (13, three of 14, and one of 15) have meanwhile been picked up, questioned, and released.


Released, after pursuing the girls, and throwing rocks at the head of the younger girl. Concussion, bruises, scrapes.
Two girls. Five boys.
Unprovoked violent assault.
No consequences.

Apparently this is not unusual in Gouda. There have been other incidents. Many other incidents. All involving Moroccans.

[Moroccans have become the new Dutch underclass, and have learned to behave accordingly. They are just as enterprising and competitive in their assigned roles as the natives once were, having learned from Dutch society exactly what is expected of the urban poor. Consequently, the Moroccans in the Netherlands should NOT be taken as representative of normal Morrocans, but of a layer of brutality that has always been present, although previously not quite so blatantly, in Dutch society.]


Be assured that any vigilantism by local people towards the perpetrators would be severely dealt with by the authorities - heaven forefend that mere private citizens protect themselves, even though the police abjure that task. Society might crumble!

Dutch bureaucratic attitudes are such that the police would much rather not do anything at all if there is any possibility of avoiding paperwork. Their superiors reward that inactivity (and discourage independent thought and initiative), and in any case if the perps cannot be caught red-handed with blood on their clothes, dna evidence under their nails, shocking video of the crime, dozens of witnesses, and the stolen diamonds all over the backseat of their cars, it is far better and cheaper to ignore the matter.
A trial, if they were actually found guilty, would lead to such light sentencing that they would be out on the street again before their hit was even properly buried.


Tourists might want to keep out of Gouda.

If you get assaulted while visiting the Gouda cheese market, the police will perhaps politely question the perpetrators, and probably write a report about 'an incident'. No names, no witness statements, no arrests, and no fuss.
If you decide to pursue the matter, you had better be prepared to stick around for the trial. And learn Dutch.
Even then, a police department psychologist will probably argue that the boys were traumatized, and should be treated gently, being themselves victims. And they were no doubt bored, due to a lack of appropriate programs for drop-outs.
This defense is almost always successful.

On second thought, forget Gouda, just avoid the Netherlands entirely.
The police are everywhere.


===================================

ADDENDUM


Concerning the incident mentioned above, a Dutch-Moroccan writes "what the hell possesses such people? Don't they understand that they are ruining it for good immigrants? The only choice now is a rigorous approach to the problem by the authorities, and a righteous punishment by a judge. I have little faith that the latter will happen - a cup of tea, a cautionary utterance, and the judge will let them go again. No, set an example!"

[Wat mankeert deze gasten toch? Hebben ze nog niet door dat ze boel op een gigantische manier verpesten voor de goedwillende allochtonen. Wat nu rest is een keiharde aanpak door Justitie en een rechtvaardige straf door een rechter. In dat laatste heb ik eerlijk gezegd geen vertrouwen. Een kopje thee een vermanend woordje en de rechter laat ze weer lopen. Nee stel een voorbeeld!]

My dear Mr. Akkoubi, I too have little faith that there will be aught else than an official tssk tssk.
If even that much.


AFTERTHOUGHT: Perhaps I should not read the Dutch newspapers during lunch. Often it leaves me somewhat nauseated - not usually because of the news items, but rather because of the sick comments of the Dutch readers. Holland is a small, myopic, and obsessive society. And many Dutch are nitpickers and relativators beyond compare. Blinkers and neuroses - the dubious blessings of Dutchness.

NON-ARAB MUSLIMS ARE EXPENDABLE

In fact, judging by the angry protests from International ANSWER and the good citizens of the People's Republic of Berkeley, non-Arab Muslims are probably not even human, definitely not worth your concern.


Angry protests - what angry protests?


Exactly. There were none. There have been none. There will be none.
International ANSWER and the good citizens of Berkeley have shown themselves INFINITELY more concerned with Palestinians (Arabs) than with any number of Chechens, Somalis, Sudanese or Thais.


Chechnya: between 30,000 and more than 100,000 war dead - 1994 to present.
Somalia: hundreds of thousands dead - 1991 to present.
Sudan: Over 300,000 dead, over 2 million displaced - 2003 to present.
Thai Muslims: Over 3,500 dead since 2004.

[The three southern provinces of Thailand - Narathiwat, Yala and Pattani - were annexed by Siam in 1902. The natives are not Thai, and speak Malay. Thai and Malay are not even linguistic relatives, let alone in any way mutually intelligible. The cultural differences are just as large as the linguistic differences.]


Berkeley does not protest these deaths. International ANSWER ignores the dead Muslims of Chechnya, Somalia, Sudan, and Thailand.
The dead Muslims that make both Berkeleyites and International ANSWER folks rabid have ALWAYS been Arabs. Only Arabs. No one else but Arabs.


Chechens are not Arabs. So no outrage.
Somalis and Sudanese are far too dark, why they're quite Negro-looking! No outrage.
Thai Muslims are little brown people, and not worth any outrage whatsoever.


It is axiomatic that Berkeley and International ANSWER will never engage in mass-action on behalf of Muslims who are not Arabs, will not boycott as a protest, will not threaten people on campus, will not write to their politicians, will not hold rallies, will not, in fact, do anything at all.
Over a hundred thousand dead Chechens are just not something to get excited about, several hundred thousand dead Africans are rather inconsequential, thousands of dead Thai Muslims are manifestly minor in the grand scheme of things.
Oh, and they aren't Arabs, so they're just not worth it.
They're garbage.

GENERIC KOSHER ANIMAL INFLUENZA

In a move remarkable for its sheer goofiness, the Israeli acting health minister refuses to use the word 'swine' (or its Hebrew equivalent) in describing Swine Flu. Because it is 'unclean'. Even the word can cause pollution.
Instead, its 'Mexican Flu'.
Much like the pox is French, and Homosexuals in Iran are 'decadent Westerners'.


Only kosher animals deserve the flu.


Mexicans are many things (being a remarkably talented and diverse lot), but I have to doubt whether they are kosher.
I mean, yes, they probably taste just like chicken -- actually, human beings are supposed to taste like pork, hence the term 'long pig', but I only have this on hearsay, there has been NO foodslut research in that direction from this blogger, I assure you, so let us just assume that like everything else, "it tastes just like chicken" -- but given that the word 'chazir' for pig has been used in Hebrew since at least the time of Genesis, whereas many Israelis are only marginally familiar with Mexicans (there were NO Mexicans on the ark or in the midbar), and even the concept 'Mexican' is entirely non-Hebraic, it does seem more sensible to simply call it the pig flu.

[As it says in psalm 80, "yecharsemena chazir mi ya'ar ve ziz sadai yirena" ('the chazir from the forest despoils it and the wild creature of the prairie feeds upon it'), which is taken to be a reference to the Syrians and other Edomites, and their behaviour toward the vine of the Lord (Israel). So it is actually utterly appropriate!]


CHAZIR FLU!


No?

You don't want to even have to think of treifus?

Are you sure?

Then how about simply 'The Generic Kosher Animal In Lieu of That Animal Flu'?

Too long?


Oh fercrap's aches, just do what we Americans did when we were pissed at the French.
Call it the "Freedom Flu".
That will surely keep everyone happy.

MY BREASTS ARE TOO BIG!

Sometimes, one's significant other says something that, if you are unaware of context, strikes you as hysterically funny. Or stark-raving bonkers. Such as the phrase headlining this post.


Yesterday Savage Kitten went out to lunch with an old friend from her days studying megaviolence with sifu XXX. When she came back, she cruised into the television room all bubbly, having had an enjoyable time talking smack about some of the white people who had also studied megaviolence with that teacher -- understand, please, that I shall not divulge either the type of martial art, or the teacher's name (the circles studying how to inflict major damage on other people are so small and incestuous in the Bay Area that it would breach her and my anonymity) -- most of whom were puffy graceless poseurs into the spiritual and artistic aspects of megaviolence who always felt hurt if deprived of the limelight.
Yes, we white people are drama queens, and it's all about those neat-o costumes.


After a few minutes of happy burbling, she took off her coat and headed to the bathroom. Seconds later an anguished wail rang through the apartment:
"MY BREASTS ARE TOO BIG!"


Sweetheart, you need to take a closer look. It's not your breasts - they're perfectly alright.
Trust me, I have excellent judgment when it comes to such things.
[Besides, you are Chinese-American - big breasts are NOT part of the blueprint. That you actually have a bosom at all is somewhat remarkable.]


Your breasts are NOT too big, your t-shirt is too small. And that's the black padded sports bra you've got on, I recognized it from the fit. It always lifts and cushions in that exact way.

Men are more observant of these details than you women realize. We probably know your undergarments better than you do, having plumbed the subject in great detail. There are good reasons why the Sears-Roebuck catalogue is so well-thumbed - Or was, nearly forty years ago, when as little boys we knew all about some very peculiar feminine underwear, and first learned of support-panels and stretch fabric.
Even in our senescence, we are still avid students of the scantimenties of the opposite sex.


We fervently hope that you do not reciprocate, by the way. Our ragged baggy boxers will not bear the light of day.

And your breast are NOT too big. They're just right.

SOUND ADVICE

Here's a suggestion that makes a lot of sense: "Perhaps the conspiracy theorists should collect panties and prawns instead. It might make them happier. Without lessening their internet presence. "


Source:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2009/04/ribbons-too-tight-around-their-heads.html



There's also something there about kittens wearing lingerie. You'll have to read it yourself.

http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/

Miss Wong often provides a refreshing point of view.

HARRY VAN BOMMEL DEMYSTIFIED

There's an article on another blog that I recommend.


DOUBLE DUTCH
http://www.raymondcook.net/blog/index.php/2009/04/20/alliance-left-and-right-against-israel-and-thejews/


QUOTE:
"Of course, the common interest of the extreme Left, Hamas, Hezbollah and Iran is their loathing of Zionism. The fact that this includes loathing of Jews generally is glossed over by the Left, is denied or represented as paranoia or an attempt to scotch criticism of Israel. It is why the Dutch Labour Party supports demonstrations at which bigots call out "Hamas Hamas, Joden aan het Gas" (Hamas, Hamas, Jews to the gas)."


The most recent manifestation of Dutch demonstrations with that chant were during the Gaza cleanup, most notoriously, the demonstration on January 3 in Amsterdam at which Socialist Party member of parliament Harry van Bommel played a leading role.

The blogger, Ray Cook, provides a link to a video of Harry van Bommel at that demonstration.
One of the other chants in that clip is "Hamas, Hamas, nafdeek ya Falastin" ('Hamas, Hamas, we will redeem you oh Palestine').
What Harry van Bommel chants is "Intifada, intifada, Palestina vrij" ('violent terrorist struggle, violent terrorist struggle, Palestine free').
There are also some chants of Allah Akbar, and similar noises.


Anyhow, click on the link above and read the post. It's about the very European idea that despite Hamas swearing to exterminate all Jews, Israel should just shut up and accept them as a partner.
Harry van Bommel would go one step further.

PERVERT IN PARBO

A fellow-member of the Suriname mailing list forwarded an article from a Parbo source about a child molester sentenced to six years (the prosecution had asked for four years).
What's interesting is NOT the short sentence, but the remarks and opinions of the court.

[Suriname: Surinam - Dutch Guiana, independent since 1975. Parbo: Paramaribo - the capitol city of Suriname. Note that Surinam is a linguistic madhouse - not only Dutch and English are spoken there, but several Creoles and Pidgins, as well as Javanese, Malay, Sarnami Hindi, Papiamentu, Keh, and Amerindian languages. The most common Surinamese language is Sranantongo. There are more Sranantongo-speakers in the Netherlands than in Parbo.]



CONSIDERED OPINIONS, GRAVIDLY EXPRESSED

The prosecution (Claudia Bruining, Officier van justitie) stated that it flabbergasted her that Theodorus Martodikromo (74 years old) had committed his crime during Ramadan. She just could not imagine anyone doing what he did during the Muslim holy month.

Judge Anand Charan opined that the locale of the crime was also most unsuitable, it having been perpetrated in a Mosque!


At this point, it is natural to cock your brow - surely the time and place are not really germane? The most important considerata, in fact the only considerata, should be the age of the victim (4 years old) and the nature of the crime.



CONSIDERED OPINIONS, COLOURFULLY EXPRESSED

It is therefore utterly gratifying that the reactions from other readers of the Suriname mailing list are entirely unambiguous. I will not share the exact phrasing of their reactions (translation impossible), but it involved testicles, trees, the possibility and likelihood of prison brutalizing, and several furious comments about dense and blithering official idiots employed in the Justice Department in Parbo.
All boiling down to "who cares WHERE or WHEN he did it, you folks need your heads examined".
Of course, the six year jail sentence also proved objectionable. It's not nearly long enough.
All the right values flourish among Surinamers. Boruch Hashem.

MONEY-LENDING TALENTS

A recent news article from the Netherlands states that the oldest piece of writing ever from that part of the world (29 CE) is a loan document.

I accept that my people were filing commercial documents nearly twenty centuries ago - it fits with everything I know about the Dutch.


SOURCE:
http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2009/04/oldest_writing_is_a_roman_lega.php


Quote:
"The oldest piece of written text ever found in the Netherlands has turned out to be about a loan --- made by a slave called Carus
[cut]
The text --- was originally thought to be about a cow.

But now experts at Oxford University have dated the text to February 23, 29 AD and say it concerns a loan made by Carus to an unnamed third party and witnessed by a number of others, including a high-ranking Roman army officer.
[end quote]



Cows, loans, and dating?

Red tape and dairy run deep in that lot.
Beware of Dutchmen bearing beef.

I wonder if the 'unnamed third party' paid the loan back in full.
If not, there should be consequences.

CHOSEN TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST

Being a screaming liberal, and fairly broadminded, I usually find myself sternly disapproving of the bigotries evinced by other people.
Not everyone is such a saint.

Part of it, of course, is sheer sour grapes. Why can't I be like them? Surely the stupid have more fun? Wouldn't it be nice to have just ONE group to utterly despise?

It turns out that my prayers have been answered. There is a group that even I can thoroughly loathe, slander, speak ill of, and find repulsive.

No, I'm not talking about Feijenoord fans.



THE CHOSEN

It's that bunch from Wainuiomata. You know, THOSE people. Wainuiomata!

An odious lot. Loud, obnoxious, badly behaved, given to excessive drinking, possibly hereditarily insane, and no doubt infected with several unclean diseases. Probably ugly, too.
Trust me, they're bad news. It is within all standards of reason to discourage them from your restaurants, persuade them to not use public transit, and pointedly recommend that they vacate the premises. Feel free to look askance at them. Don't give them candy.

And at the very least, try telling them you're full up when they wish to rent a room.



http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8012064.stm


QUOTES:

"a bit noisy"

"We have other guests. Commercial acumen tells you that you can't afford to take these people"

"They were having loud parties and jumping fences"



According to reports in the Manawatu Standard, there is an arrogance about them that one just cannot live with, and they become absolutely venomous when called to order.

[http://www.stuff.co.nz/manawatu-standard/news/2344215/Whole-town-banned-for-arrogance QUOTE: " ... somewhere close to where God would put an enema."]


I very much look forward to being nasty to these folks from Weinuwomu....., Wannowumee....., Wayohomewoo....., Whumaynoo....., Walepoo....., Weemanny....., whatever.
It will be refreshing, as I haven't been mean to anyone in ever so long.


I will have to insist that they rename their town, as what it's called now is entirely unpronounceable (which just goes to show what a bunch of deviants they are), and I shall also recommend that they also wear badges so that we may recognize them when they come, as most of us have no clue what New Zealanders actually look like.

Are they short? And do they have pointy ears like hobbits? Sort of like leprechauns, but with funny accents?

CHRISTIAN ANTI-SMOKER?

One morning years ago I was walking to work with a cheroot in my mouth. A woman coming the other direction screamed at me "thank you SO MUCH for ruining my lungs, a**hole!".


You are very welcome, ma'am.


I refrained from pointing out to the poor dear that three lanes of slow moving traffic was doing infinitely more damage to her lungs than my humble effort.
I was glad to claim the credit, you see.


This morning, while I outside the office building having a modest puff, a middle-aged woman coming down the sidewalk noticed me and my cheroot. She nearly jumped into the street to avoid the fumes, exclaiming 'Jesus' in a manner that left no doubt that she thought me evil and repulsive.

Again, three lanes of slow moving traffic.

Now, were I not such a nice fellow, a veritable prince among men, absolutely SODDEN with the milk of human kindness and a deeply compassionate attitude that serves as a shining example to thousands, then I would've followed her down the street puffing clouds of tobacco smoke at her.
It is, after all, a public sidewalk. Next to three lanes of slow moving traffic. And clearly her horrid attitude defeated whatever shred of brainpower she may have had.
Stupid sow, there's three lanes of SLOW. MOVING. TRAFFIC!


What is it with these people? They've chased us out of the restaurants and office buildings, banned us from parks and bus shelters, and added tax upon tax to our pleasant little habit. Perhaps that is understandable, for all the well-known alleged health reasons and supposed benefits to the general public. So we have accepted their dictat. And we go outside to enjoy our little vice.
Next to three lanes of slow moving traffic.

It's not enough, is it? Some people would prefer that we actually stood in the bus lane, or in a tight row down the centre divider in between the cars. Instead of on a sidewalk.
Next to three lanes of slow moving traffic.

Well, smoking on the sidewalk (next to three lanes of slow moving traffic) is NOT illegal yet. And you, ma'am, can go inside and enjoy your smoke-free office environment. So perhaps the next time you exclaim 'Jesus" in that hideously offended manner, I will follow your slow-moving posterior down the street, puffing dense clouds at you. For several blocks. Because you deserve it. You are a horrible person. You need to get over yourself.
And I really do wish nausea and bad odours upon you.


Not today though. This cheroot is too precious, and you are really not worth my time. Not while I am enjoying the delicate fragrance of fine Sumatra and Java leaf.
On such a lovely morning, next to three lanes of slow moving traffic.


TOBACCO INDEX

THIRD WORLD GANGSTERS IN GENEVA

Yesterday the European delegates to the Geneva conference walked out during Mahmoud Ahmedinejad's speechiweechy.
Along with the delegations from Jordan and Morocco, I have heard.


The remaining delegates gave mister Ahmedinejad tumultuous applause.


That tells you how serious Africa, Asia, and Latin America are about discrimination.


In principle, most of the third world refuses to accept that their own bigotry is a problem, and most third-world gangster regimes ignore whatever discrimination goes on within their borders. It is only when a fast buck can be made by screwing the West, or toeing the Muslim party-line about Israel, that they sit up and take notice. That explains all those tin-pot tyrannies who have sent diplomats (bag men) to Geneva. At the very least, they'll be able to drink fancy liquor and hobnob with women dressed in designer rags. And if it works out better than expected they'll get a share of the funds the wealthy nations will pledge towards defeating racism or whatever, which they'll be able to bank in Switzerland. Where, conveniently, they already are.



My toleration of third-world racism is on roughly the same level as my patience with the superior attitude evinced by so many ignorant Europeans. Meaning near zero.

You know, guys, there is a reason why so many of you come here to live, and so few of us migrate in the opposite direction. And it's not strictly economics.


=====================================

ADDENDUM

Excerpts from an e-mail sent to a mailinglist.

Natuurlijk kan ik mijzelf absoluut niet vinden in wat die Iranees heeft gezegd, maar ik merk van diverse internet fora dat bijzonder veel Nederlanders het grondig met hem eens zijn - niet verbazend, overigens.
Ik zal daar niets over zeggen, ge weet inmiddels wat ik over Nederland en Nederlanders denk.
Verhagen, overigens, is duidelijk geen Nederlander - veel te intelligent.

Wat die delegaten die Ahmedinejad's gespietsj vrolijk applaudiseerden betreft, tsja, ik verwacht van schurkenstaten echt niet anders. Het racisme en bigotrie van de derde wereld, van de Arabieren, en van Aziatische landen steekt me net zo erg in de keel als het superieuriteitswaan van Europeanen. Screw them all.

Wat herstel betalingen betreft - Ikzelf heb weinig tot geen benefijt genoten van die 'goede oude tijd', daar ik bijna een eeuw na het afschaffen van slavernij werd geboren (dus ook na de depressie, na de tweede wereld oorlog, en zelfs na de colonialistische landen hun imperia verloren hadden).

Ik zie liever dat geld besteed word aan onderwijs, vooral voor de privilegeloze klassen, dan dat het in de zakken van politieke opportunisten word gekieperd.

Afrika (en zuid Amerika) kunnen er ook maar naar fluiten - gefaalde staten, corrupte leiders, en over het algemeen aarslikkers van de Arabieren in de Verenigde Naties. Bung Karno heeft in de derde wereld volop ervenis. Screw them all.

=====================================

Don't worry, all you are missing by not reading Dutch is invective.

FTP SITE CLEANING - A MUST READ!

A colleague has sent an e-mail to the entire company. She does this with great regularity, as what she has to tell us is of earth-shattering importance. And we should all put our feed back in. Or acknowledge the gravity and greatness inherent in the communication.


Quote:

All,


I¹m in the process of cleaning out old files from the FTP site.
Just a reminder to delete any old files on the FTP site that either you or a vendor placed there on your behalf.
The FTP site is not intended to be a "holding tank" for your files. As of next Monday, April 27th and moving forward any files left on the FTP site (that are over 1 month old) will be deleted.
If you need to leave any files on the FTP site please let me know so I don't delete them.

Thanks for your help!

------------------------------

Well allrighty then.

Now I know how empty my life is. Lackaday, I have no clue whatsoever what the FTP site is, and now that you have let me know of its existence, I finally realize that there is this big hole in my life that only you can fill. But it may be too late!
I have not put ANY files on the FTP site! Ever!
I have missed the opportunity to assert the importance of my old files, whether "tank-held" or not.

Yes, ninety plus percent of the company probably also has no clue what the hell you are talking about either. That should NOT stand in the way of your inculcating a profound sense of loss in them over the cleaning out of old files (on the FTP site) that they never knew existed. They too need to realize how utterly, wrenchingly, agonizingly and appallingly EMPTY EMPTY EMPTY their lives are.
In contrast to yours, for you do know what the FTP site is, and you may decide which files are old.
And you feel obligated to tell us so.

Thank you.

THE REALITY CHALLENGED FRINGE©

Years ago when you got into a discussion with strangers, there was always a chance that the conversation would head off into deep-space. Perhaps they believed in Masonic conspiracies or were convinced that cucumbers cured cancer.
But there were always certain subtle verbal warning signs that you ignored at your peril, ere you got to the glaring eyes and completely illogical assertions. Astute listeners would seek a graceful way out long before being accused of treason, lying, or space-alien loyalties.


Here in San Francisco, the subtle warning signs included chattiness, eye-contact, friendly sincerity.
So then, answer all questions with a grunt, roll your pupils, and insistently talk about meat and idols to religious types. That, plus several disconcerting nervous tics and much scratching, are guaranteed to keep you out of trouble.

Which explains why it often seems like SF has more disturbed people than anywhere else - We're just acting this way to avoid talking with you. Okay?


Alas, the Reality Challenged Fringe (R.C.F.) have discovered computers, and acquired e-mail. They have modernized.



ELVIS IS ALIVE AND WELL ON THE INTERNET

I mention this, because on one mailing list the discussion keeps returning to the assertion that Obama is a Muslim Communist born in Kenya, put in power by a vast evil conspiracy of ultra-left wing Democrats and Capitalists, with the connivance of most of the Democratic National Committee, the top ranks of the Republican Party, all of the mainstream media (dominated by ultra libs, including Fox), thousand of foreign conspirators, AND a network of traitors and liars put in place years ago in the Federal and State bureaucracies for this specific task.

[Plus, this Obama isn't the real Obama but a convincing simulacrum kept alive by electronic brainwaves.]


The argumentation of the cultists who believe this stuff consists of denying any and all evidence to the contrary, followed by demands to see Obama's birth certificate, 'why won't he show his birth certificate what does he have to hide he's hiding something or else he'd show us his birth certificate that isn't his birth certificate - we want to see the form signed by doctors and spattered with bloodspots from the wild animal sacrifice! It's green and Kenyato-Indonesian for a mooslim I know this waggah waggah!'
Then comes the suggestion that anyone who insists that Obama is validly president must be doing so for traitorous motives and we'll deal with them once the truth comes out.

To give the rest of us all a last chance to see the light, they keep forwarding links to World Net Daily, Obama Crimes (the vendetta website of Hillary loyalist Philip J. Berg, Esquire), and the Washington Times (the rev. Moon's propaganda rag).

Any further counter-arguments are met with repeats of sneering denial, more demands for the long form plus treason accusations, and yet more links to World Net Daily, Berg, and the Moonies.


Now I know why this is happening.


See, years ago, most of us successfully switched from Neviim 2.02 to MSRevelation. This meant that we also changed our spreadsheet programmes, graphic interfaces, and our e-mail. It was in many ways a monumental improvement, our lives sped up, and our functionality increased.
We no longer see the error messages from the bowels of the machine.

Consequently, we're not getting the memos. Anymore.
But they are. Still.

I just wish that they'd get on board the space ship already.
Go on, little birdies, fly away now. Be free. Be free.
Say hi to Elvis for us.
Meat. Idols. Meat. Idols. Boo!
Boo again.