YOU CAN, BUT SHOULD YOU?

Yesterday afternoon, while yuppies were having a drunken orgie, it struck me: if a drunken Santa assaults you, it is socially acceptable to stab him in the neck. It is not legally okay, but socially fine. In San Francisco there probably isn't a jury that will convict you for being sober and defending yourself during Santacon. And there are so many drunken Santas that one or two won't be missed.


Most common citations each Santacon: Public intoxication, drunk and disorderly conduct, vandalism, destruction of public property, assault on public employees, littering, defrauding an inkeeper, indecent behaviour. And illicit substance abuse.

There are public house restrooms littered with dozens of drunken elves trying to sleep-off Harvey Wallbanger hangovers. Oh, the humanity! Staff dare not go in with mops because of the smells AND the deviant procreative behaviours audible behind closed doors.
There's an intoxicated wild raccoon upset that they edged him out.
Have you no decency, human? Have you no decency?

For the record, I have never participated in Santacon. I do not have frat-boy (or girl) tendencies. I haven't climbed a palm tree lining Polk Street without wearing panties.

As a sane and stable Euro-American I do not rely on constant patterns of stupid behaviour for attention. Unlike all these debased retrograde mutants from inbred dumb*****ville thronging the streets with their parents' over-generous allowances.

My sympathies, of course, are entirely with the raccoon.
He should have been the only one on that floor.
Will no one think of the poor raccoon?



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================