SAN FRANCISCO IS TOO DANGEROUS!

A few years ago, my regular care physician and I had an informative talk about kangkong (ipomoea aquatica), sidetracking from my tobacco use and other horrible habits which I may have and lets not go there. What with him being Chinese from Indonesia, and myself a Dutch American with very Indo tastes, the overlap was outrageous. Chili paste, shrimp sauce, and peanuts. Let's not talk about my smoking, and all I need to further add is that the discussion with the nutritionist that same year was also extremely enjoyable: roast duck, bakeries, chachantengs, and dim sum, within a block or two in every direction.
That is to say, I enjoyed the conversation.
It was just before lunch time.
She may not have.

The hospital where both of them work is in Chinatown. Most of their clientele is not Caucasian with a keen interest in food.

Once you leave, after your appointment, you head down Trenton Alley till you are a discrete distance away, then you fill and light your pipe, and start thinking about where and what to eat. Which will probably cause them despair. Both things. Despair.

You just won't tell them. Leave them under the impression that you are a severe Calvinist like your ancestors, with reserved abstemiousness coming out of every pore. Damned-near a vegetarian, and always seeking to reform your decadent ways.

TRENTON ALLEY

Yeah, okay, I don't think they were fooled. They are both Chinese, in their fields they have to be realists, and they're very well aware that ninety plus percent of the people they see in their professional life are probably lying throught their teeth about some of the things they do. What with being Chinese. Some of those old fossils probably reek of fatty pork, roast duck, and salt fish. Still licking their chops as they say "why no, doctor, I never touch pastries or salty snacks!" Then adding, for good measure "and I still walk a lot each day!"

What they don't say is that manoeuvering a cumbersome stroller while simultaneously trying to light up and carry the plastic bags of leftovers from the duck restaurant where they sought fortification for their medical appointment was a royal pain in the gand. And why AREN'T strollers or wheelchairs fitted out with a cup holder and an ashtray, dammit!


Back in their day ...


Yesterday I bought another bottle of Lee Kum Kee Peanut Sauce (李錦記涼拌醬 'lei gam gei leung pun jeung') just around the corner from the hospital. Peanut Sauce (花生醬 'faa sang jeung') is a necessary component of my cooking. Very Dutch. They also had salt fish (鹹魚 'haam yü', but I remembered that the best salt fish I bought recently was at a shop less than one block away. Mmmm, fatty pork with salt fish!


Anyhow, the point of this essay is that, per a recent news article, the tourists trade here is suffering because San Francisco is considered too dangerous nowadays. Visitors don't come anymore because they are afraid of muggings and high crime. They might be inconvenienced, strong armed, or feel threatened.

Their trepidation is justified. Why, I know hundreds of people who have been mugged and shot and are now walking around dead with drugs coursing through their veins! Every single person here is bleeding! The hotels are infested with crack addicts, there are fresh puddles of fentanyl on the streets, and methamphetamine sellers lurk in corners of every city park and shopping mall. Our statuary is infested with rats. Bible salesmen flee in terror.
Rabid orphans roam the streets, ready to bite people.

Our coffee is too strong, every one smokes, and our food will kill you!
Please stay away! For the love of everything holy, stay away!
There are dangerous snacks everywhere!

Zombies! Leprosy!



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