BETTER SPEECHES, MORE TUNA SANDWICHES!

One of my friends apparently has a problem opening an Instagram account. Which he says he needs to keep abreast of his grandchildren. Because both Facebook and e-mail are SO last decade.

As a person who still uses both of those methodologies, I am now feeling incredibly ancient. Hence this blog post. I actually know people who write letters on paper, and at work we do a lot with "handwritten" notes.

However, whenever I feel old and grumpy, all I really need to do to feel young and sprightly again is read the news. There are so many examples of senile old farts out there shooting off their mouths that a man can't help but feel vibrant and full of barely post-teenage vinegar.


"I'm going to tell you about the Nobel Peace Prize, I'll tell you about that. I made a deal, I saved a country, and I just heard that the head of that country is now getting the Nobel Peace Prize for saving the country. I said: 'What, did I have something do with it?' Yeah, but you know, that's the way it is. As long as we know, that's all that matters... I saved a big war, I've saved a couple of them."

-----Donald Trump, speaking recently about someone else being awarded his Nobel Prize, several months after the fact.


It is entirely unclear what the heck he is talking about, as he had nearly nothing to do with the events to which he seems to be referring. Donald Trump is man who belongs in a retirement home with a curfew, like his buddies Rudy Guliani, and Joe Biden. Probably different homes, because one of them is convinced the other stole his tuna fish sandwich.

I rely on Facebook to tell me what those three fossils tweet.

Recent research indicates that drinking red wine regularly staves off senility, and the evidence shows that none of the gentlemen whom I mentioned drink nearly enough red wine. Why, the world would be a much safer and calmer place if they were sodden drunk at all times.

Ayatullah Khameini too.

At least they wouldn't be able to use Twitter. Except for the occasional 'covefefic' outburst, we could safely ignore them.

Well, besides their horrid breath.
Old men and tuna salad.
You know ...

This blogger firmly believes that their public utterances would be much nicer if they were squiffy. They'd make more sense, communicate more clearly, and at the very least fewer listeners would need hard drugs or valium.
Less people stoned can be a good thing.
And more tuna.



Oh, and Jonathan, Instagram can probably be used for drug deals and late night pizza delivery. You should probably stay off it. You don't need anymore craziness in your life, you've got plenty of that already.
Just have a sandwich.




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