CRUNCHY SNACKS ALL OVER

Chinatown is filled with tourists. Many of them are either extremely callow youth, or their female relatives. Now, pimply and superficialist young people are self-explanatorily irritating, but their distaff-kin of any age tend to disturb me, because they weigh so much. I fear the pavement might give way.

Why are so many Americans large enough to equal both me and my apartment mate put together? Plus some? Considerably?

No, I'm not trying to "fat shame" y'all, but do you live on nothing but burgers and Cheetos? Seriously, if I were to try to asphyxiate any one of you, instead of a regular shopping bag (illegal here in San Francisco), I would need a compactor bag. With or without drawstrings.


Very very big bags of Cheetos. They come in 'jumbo size' (3 KGS), which can be bought in Mexico, because that's enough for a family.


CHEETOS!

To be specific: Dos abuelos, dos abuelas, dos padres, un tío, una tía, un par de niños, además de primos, sobrinos, parentes diversos, y un vecino.

Baggy grey sweats are not flattering, by the way.


I, too, like a good bacon cheese burger.

Made with lamb or pork.


Those have to be made at home, however, because almost every place where hamburgers are sold uses beef, or exceptionally, some vegetarian sawdust patty for the health freaks. Legumic, gluten-free.

The American Beef Industry has you all by the balls. They've probably laced the frozen burger patties with cocaine or sumpin' to keep you buying more.

Why don't you switch to carnitas instead? It's healthier for you.
Onion, salsa, guacamole, and a squeeze of lime juice.
On or inside hot tortillas de harina.
Plus some Cheetos.




For some reason, whenever I see you lot, I keep thinking of Cheetos.
Yummalicious cheese-y enriched corn meal.


Are there any questions?




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